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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've moved in with my partner and he won't put me on his tenancy agreement.

215 replies

Bosschopsbitch · 01/03/2017 12:41

We would have over in together eventually but circumstances kind of pushed it to happen now. And because of that there have been things that we hadnt really ironed out. I'm on universal credit (aforementioned circumstances) and he works full time but in order for me to still claim and get CTC for my son it's had to be changed to a joint claim (I dont understand tbh) but the advisor said if I wanted to claim the housing element thend I would have to be added to the tenancy. With a resolute 'no she isn't going on the tenancy' that was the end of that. He won't disuss it. He won't reconsider. Absolutely steadfast and will not budge. AIBU to be pissed off/angry/shocked/uoset/all of the above?

OP posts:
deydododatdodontdeydo · 01/03/2017 13:52

If it was OPs tenancy and new DP was moving in and asking to be put on the tenancy, we would all be telling her NO, as it would put her in a very vulnerable position and she may lose HER home.
No tenancy, no rent isn't really an issue is it, since she won't be getting any housing benefit anyway.

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 01/03/2017 13:56

It sounds a bit like you wanted to keep your independence in all matters (which is fine) until you needed him to house you, and then you wanted him to instantly give up his. Which is not ok.

rightsofwomen · 01/03/2017 14:02

It's worth looking at this turning the man/woman around.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 01/03/2017 14:06

But OP has a child. If it were he with the child and her without, I would have a different opinion.

HarmlessChap · 01/03/2017 14:13

Still seems to me as thought the only reason you finally agreed to move in with him is because you were in a fix, I'd say he has every right to want to see how living together works out before altering the legal situation of the arrangement.

PollyPerky · 01/03/2017 14:14

I know nothing about HA tenancies so can't comment.

However, this all seems to be arse over tit.

OP surely it's down to you to find work for a start, then ensure you have the means to rent yourself privately if the relationship ends? I can't see why you are holding your boyfriend over a barrell insisting you are on the tenancy agreement when the reality is he could be asked to leave if the relationship broke down.

You have said you didn't want to give up your independence. If you want to be independent then your first and only focus is to work, earn money and be able to support yourself and your child, not be beholden to a man.

I'm sorry if I'm missing the point but the bigger picture seems to be missing to me.

Trifleorbust · 01/03/2017 14:15

So much waffle on the thread! Semantics and legal stuff aside, if your partner wants to reserve the right to kick you out of your home with a little child, you shouldn't be living together.

ExitStage · 01/03/2017 14:18

Trifle

But it's not her home. That's the point.

PollyPerky · 01/03/2017 14:20

It's not her home. The point is this ought to have been discussed before she turned up with the suitcases.

OP you have a responsibility to be able to house yourself and your child, irrespective of a man. I accept you have moved areas to be with him, but surely you are looking for work so you are not dependent on him and risking being homeless if it doesn't work out? You need to get a job and save a deposit for your own rental if necessary .

NeedsAsockamnesty · 01/03/2017 14:20

They agreed to live together as a couple he knows she's on benefits this makes the child his responsibility

JonesyAndTheSalad · 01/03/2017 14:23

Exit if she's living in it, then it is her home.

A home is a place where people spend most of their time. It's where people sleep and keep their things.

It's her home if she lives in it too.

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 01/03/2017 14:24

It's not her home the minute she steps in the door. And it can be her home without him having to hand her a joint tenancy.

PollyPerky · 01/03/2017 14:25

It's not her home. In law it's not her home. She'd be classed as a lodger if she was paying towards the rent.

Garnethair · 01/03/2017 14:27

If you are a single person with a HA tenancy you can have a partner move in with you. However, unless you marry them (in which case it's immediate), the new partner has to be resident at that address for a year from notifying the HA before they can be added to the tenancy agreement. (or that was the rule when I worked for a HA).

JonesyAndTheSalad · 01/03/2017 14:27

Definition of home

home
həʊm/Submit
noun
1.
the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household.

It's her home.

Boulshired · 01/03/2017 14:28

There is a huge difference in moving in together and making plans going forward than reluctantly moving in because of circumstances rather than commitment. I would be cautious if I was him as well.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 01/03/2017 14:28

Polly no she would not be "classed as a lodger" at all. She'd be classed as a co-habiting partner. Completely different.

Bluntness100 · 01/03/2017 14:29

I see his point to be fair, you've not moved in because that's what you wanted from the relationship you basically moved in because you had to, now you want him to give up future security and effectively give you the right to chuck him out if the relationship ends.

Move out and get your own place. And when you wish to live with him, for no other reason than you wish to live with him, then discuss it again and then decide.

MegaClutterSlut · 01/03/2017 14:29

Sorry in his situation I wouldn't put you on the tenancy either until I was married. No way would I put a girlfriend/boyfriend on the tenancy

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 01/03/2017 14:30

We can all read a dictionary, thanks, but thats not the point.

BewtySkoolDropowt · 01/03/2017 14:30

Well I would be the same. I have been living in my house for 7 years, and if some man with a child came to live with me, he would not be going on the tenancy. I need security too, and now my children are adults and legally able to fend for themselves (although studying and they stay with me during non-term time) I would get emergency accommodation in some dodgy area, potentially without enough space to accommodate my kids.

If I had a child the emergency accommodation might still be in a dodgy area, but you can bet they would be moved into decent accommodation quicker. Of course I can't speak for areas other than my own.

I can't blame him for protecting the home that he has created as he would be very likely to come out worse than someone with a child in the event of a break and op had dibs on the property.

Cuppaoftea · 01/03/2017 14:32

Trifle He has a right to hold on to his security at this early stage of them living together. Particularly as he doesn't have long term job security meaning he really needs to stay put in his HA property.

It sounds like bio Dad is involved in the child's life so presumably the boy stays with him for some of the week too.

The Op's partner is being very reasonable asking them to move in and being willing to provide them with extra financial support while she finds work. Not reasonable to insult him for it.

bloodyteenagers · 01/03/2017 14:33

I wouldn't add a partner to mine either. I went through hell to get this place. I am not
Putting myself in a vulnerable position again of having a joint tenancy.
If I moved someone in and they didn't like it they would be more than free to turn around and leave.
As for not paying rent? The cock lodger would be out on their arse. And a cheery good luck finding somewhere for what you was being charged.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 01/03/2017 14:34

Boys well it IS the point when people are saying it's not her home. It is her home. She lives there.

ExitStage · 01/03/2017 14:35

If she were a bloke telling him to fuck off with the rent (her words), there would be screams of financial abuse.

And the advice to a poster would be not to let him on the tenancy.