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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've moved in with my partner and he won't put me on his tenancy agreement.

215 replies

Bosschopsbitch · 01/03/2017 12:41

We would have over in together eventually but circumstances kind of pushed it to happen now. And because of that there have been things that we hadnt really ironed out. I'm on universal credit (aforementioned circumstances) and he works full time but in order for me to still claim and get CTC for my son it's had to be changed to a joint claim (I dont understand tbh) but the advisor said if I wanted to claim the housing element thend I would have to be added to the tenancy. With a resolute 'no she isn't going on the tenancy' that was the end of that. He won't disuss it. He won't reconsider. Absolutely steadfast and will not budge. AIBU to be pissed off/angry/shocked/uoset/all of the above?

OP posts:
JonesyAndTheSalad · 01/03/2017 13:31

Emma oh yes...I see I did post some of the content about civil partners...but the rest isn't.

And there's no issue with copying and pasting...the thread won't run out. People don't have to read it all.

My main point was the highlighted part which says

If your partner rents the home, you may be able to get the court to transfer the tenancy to you or your child if it's in their best interests.

Noodoodle · 01/03/2017 13:32

No she couldn't keep the ha house and him be out on his own. He would apply to be rehoused. If the property is more than one bedroom this would need to happen. If it is one bedroom either of them could apply to be rehoused. It could be awful in the meantime but neither of them need be out homeless.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 01/03/2017 13:32

Saucy yes, it's a conflict of interests.

He wants to secure his home, she wants to know that she's safe.

Why then, would he agree to allow her to move in? Why wouldn't he consider that she'd want some form of security?

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 01/03/2017 13:34

No she couldn't keep the ha house and him be out on his own. He would apply to be rehoused

It's HIS home. Why should he apply to be rehoused? It's not about being homeless, its about it being his home, not hers.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 01/03/2017 13:34

Noodle well that's probably right. Many HA would work with the tenant and the partner to reach a good compromise but the CAB advice is not wrong either.

Gowgirl · 01/03/2017 13:34

I didn't put dh on my tenancy until we were married and swopped to new house, ha assured tenancies can be passed down but only once and i personally know a woman who was given notice to quit after her mother died because it had already passed from joint to single tenancy.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 01/03/2017 13:35

Boy she said that either could apply to be rehoused.

But you say "It's HIS home"

But if the OP moves in with her son...it's theirs too. His name is on the paperwork sure...but it's also her home.

SaucyJack · 01/03/2017 13:37

"Why then, would he agree to allow her to move in? Why wouldn't he consider that she'd want some form of security?"

I gather there were difficult circumstances from the OP that forced them to act now.

Besides.... you can want to live with someone without giving them legal rights to your home in the event of a break-up perfectly well.

I should know. I've never added DP to my tenancy btw.

Noodoodle · 01/03/2017 13:38

Theonly I'm not saying he should be the one to move, what I'm saying is that social housing will not rehouse part of a household if it will leave the remaining part in a property too big for their needs. The other person needs to be moved first. Which is why room numbers matter but op hasn't answered how many yet.

All I was getting at was that pp were saying she could kick him out, or he could kick her out if not on tenancy, and neither is true.

HarmlessChap · 01/03/2017 13:38

Moving in would normally be a logical next step when everyone feels ready but in this case circumstances have forced the issue.

It appears that now, on day one, you want him to place you on the tenancy of his home which would give you a far greater ability to stay in that home if living together proves to be the undoing of your relationship.

I don't think its unreasonable for him to want to see that it was indeed the right thing to do before adding you to the tenancy.

We have no way of knowing if he has good reason or what your relationship is like i.e. stable/volatile etc. We do know that there have been circumstances which have put you in a difficult position but we do not know how they have come about. Etc.

Viviennemary · 01/03/2017 13:38

Have you checked you will be entitled to the other benefits now you have moved in with him. if he earns a reasonable salary. Your tax credit claims and other benefits might also be affected

JonesyAndTheSalad · 01/03/2017 13:39

Noodle according to CAB she in fact COULD kick him out if a court agreed it was in the best interest of a child.

I'm sure the circumstances have to be quite specific though.

OP your best bet will be to call the HA yourself and talk through your worries. They may have some information or advice to help you.

ArcheryAnnie · 01/03/2017 13:40

I agree with the others: no name on tenancy, no rent!

Noodoodle · 01/03/2017 13:41

Jonesy I hope it's right or I need a serious retrain for my job! I used to see this issue on a regular basis (as a HM).

Cuppaoftea · 01/03/2017 13:41

YWBU reacting to his decision as you did.

He has taken you and your DC in in an emergency situation and is partially financially supporting you both.

Noodoodle · 01/03/2017 13:42

He can be kicked out so to speak, but would be rehoused....so not homeless and only in certain circs. It's not a definite if you see what I mean. There would usually need to be abuse or dv.

Noodoodle · 01/03/2017 13:43

Posted too soon.
Or there would need to be serious reason why mother and child couldn't find alrernative accomadation. She couldn't nust decide one day he had to leave. And it's a court decision so can be argued.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 01/03/2017 13:44

No of course not Noodle. I never suggested she could.

ExitStage · 01/03/2017 13:45

ArcheryAnnie. And if I was him I'd be telling her to move out. Enjoy living in a B&B.

He did her a favour after she'd previously said no to moving in together as she valued her independence. She should be bloody grateful he's been as kind as he has.

littlefrog3 · 01/03/2017 13:46

People are right about saying you can't just go on someone's tenancy; it will need to be a new one. That is a fact.

I know someone who lives with her friend, and they signed a tenancy when they moved into their flat (in October.) Just 4 months later, their pal moved in, and the old agreement became defunct, and all 3 signed a brand new agreement.

Noodoodle · 01/03/2017 13:48

No, Jonesy, you didn't suggest that, I was just adding it in case someone else may have thought that. I think some pp do think that.

mydietstartsmonday · 01/03/2017 13:48

To be honest I don't blame him, if for some reason you split he loses his home. But nor would I pay 1/2 the rent. You might contribute towards it say 1/3 or a 1/4 plus your share of the bills. Maybe review in 6 to 12 months.

Original poster
Bosschopsbitch · 01/03/2017 13:49

It wasn't exactly a case of letting me in due to an emergency. He'd begged me to move in for 2.5 yrs. But giving up my independence meant moving towns, leaving my close network and family behind (its only geography I now and we are still as close but it's different now) It meant my boy leaving his school, his friends, the proximity to his dad. Mine was private rented and his was HA so there was never any chance of him giving his new build up.

OP posts:
littlefrog3 · 01/03/2017 13:49

OP has a child though. Not the same situation as some geezer trying to get his feet under the table of your mate is it?

Jonesy, I am pretty sure (unless I have missed something,) that the child isn't his. So he has no responsibility for him/her.

JonesyAndTheSalad · 01/03/2017 13:49

OP if you're still reading. Transfer any rent you pay to his account from your bank account so there is a record of it.

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