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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think thank you cards for every baby gift a bit much?

291 replies

likeacrow · 21/02/2017 08:28

I might be. Or lazy. But we've had loads of little token gifts already and baby clothes, which is so lovely and generous but do we then do a thank you card for everybody? We've done them for our respective parents who've bought big items for us but do we include every colleague who has, for instance, given a cute jumper reduced in the sale or a pair of booties on offer?
I've never expected a thank you card when I've given little token presents like baby clothes to friends and I'm not just saying that to justify me not doing it! I've just always found a verbal thank you sufficient
Especially from sleep deprived new parents.
One of my best friends however thinks I should do personalised thank you cards for everyone who's given anything. She doesn't have kids. She's made it very clear she wants a card with a photo of the baby (when born) to say thank you for the outfit she bought us plus personalised message.

We've not even had (our first) baby yet btw!
Genuinely interested in opinions and approaches here as personally I think thank you cards for every last token gift is a bit much.

OP posts:
Marley45 · 22/02/2017 18:34

Yes you should send a thank you to everyone. We've been overwhelmed by people's generosity and have had some cards printed with the baby's photo ready to send. It doesn't really take long to write a few lines.
Clearly if you can't sit or stand then thank you cards aren't going to be top of your priority!

sniggy01 · 22/02/2017 18:34

For my 4th dd I had to have a section and knitted a little pink bootee shape for the front of each card - just made one every time i sat down and then each time I was sent a gift. Wanted people to realise how much I appreciated their thoughts.
Its all very subjective though - you need to do whatever feels right for you.

PageStillNotFound404 · 22/02/2017 18:35

As someone who tends to be a present giver in many more occasions than I am a receiver, I only appreciate some kind of acknowledgement - whether that's a card, text, FB message, couple of lines in an email or whatever - if I've sent the item or handed it over to someone other than the recipient, just so I know they definitely got it. Otherwise, any verbal thank you given at the time is sufficient. I'd hate to think that my gift, given freely with love, was being viewed by the recipient through a filter of obligation or duty to provide a further elaborate written thank you or photo.

waterrat · 22/02/2017 18:40

I always tell people with babies that I don't want a card or thank you! last thing you need to think about.

Tinseleverywhere · 22/02/2017 18:40

Sniggyo1 you knitted a bootie for every card! I think you have won the top thank you card maker award!

Whiskeyagogo · 22/02/2017 18:42

I personally did some cards with photos and some texts. The older generation usually prefer a card I find

Yogimummy123 · 22/02/2017 18:45

I sent cards out to say thankyou for everything about a year late! I did text or thank people in person in the meantime.

Lukesme · 22/02/2017 18:46

I did took me months. Similar for their first birthday and maybe one or two after but my sence of decency and etiquette waned when I was left holding 2 1\2 yr old twins by ex DP. Now they email a group email which I set up and they just write the text. Not polite but the best I can manage at the moment

sniggy01 · 22/02/2017 18:54

They were only miniature ones and I'm a quick knitter.
I probably haven't got as many friends as op !!

Bodicea · 22/02/2017 19:03

Touchnote saved me with my second. I already had all the addresses entered in. I just took a cute photo of the baby and wrote individual thank you postcards, could do them one handed whils breastfeeding and watching tele. If they were wearing an item of clothing bought by that specific person all the better to snap them in that for their pic. Saved me the trouble of posting them/ remebering to drop them round.

Lizzymc1984 · 22/02/2017 19:19

We sent cards when DS was about 2 months old (he's 3 months now). Had kept a list of any gifts during and after pregnancy and made a photo card online. Sent out about 60 odd. Since then I have seen the card on display at people's houses and received messages saying how gorgeous he is (I agree but am biased!!). I think it's a really nice thing to do plus included Christening invites in them. Two birds with one stone!! 😀

meettherussians · 22/02/2017 19:28

Im with you OP. I am stupidly scatty disorganised anyway so add a new baby/sleep deprivation into it and any hint of organisation goes out of the window. I really tried to keep tabs of it and send cards but only ended up sending half, but did send everyone thankyou texts. Id be more than happy with this, and friends who get their kids to paint hand made thankyou cards thats arrive within days of getting our gift make me feel shit and pressured about how rubbish I am.

Olympiathequeen · 22/02/2017 19:30

A thank you at the time is sufficient. I would be very surprised to receive a card for a small baby gift. A large on from the people at work is appropriate.

cherish123 · 22/02/2017 19:43

Of course you have to. It would be extremely rude, especially as you are on maternity leave!

Iggi999 · 22/02/2017 19:44

I did. I think it rude not to. They went to more bother than that to get the gift. BUT I suspect this is heavily socialised in me and something I'd be better being more relaxed about!

Rae1000 · 22/02/2017 19:47

Yes. Definately.

sandyza · 22/02/2017 20:31

I sent alot of thank you cards to those who posted gifts to us with our first child. I included a photo of our LO with each card. Was horrified when one of my closest friends sent the photo's back!! Expecting second baby soon, & I will thank friends in person/phone or on facebook.

Summerof85 · 22/02/2017 20:35

I sent individual thank you cards to anyone who sent a gift to my children when they were born, it's rude not to.
Also annoys me when people don't acknowledge a birthday present that I have bought for a child, even class mates, a text would even do.

Cutesbabasmummy · 22/02/2017 20:52

We sent cards with a picture of our newborn and his details on and on the back we handwrote thank yous for the specific gift. Managed to get them all done by the time he was 3 weeks old. A colleague at work became a grandmother a few months ago and some of us bought small gifts for the baby. We received a card saying Thank you for the gift but my colleagues commented that there was no personal message with it which made them feel that their gifts had not been appreciated. So yes YABU.

squizita · 22/02/2017 20:52

I ordered some postcard type cards off ebay with a picture and a message on them. Scrawled a sleep deprived note on the back of them. People liked them because of the photo but truth is I never went out (dh posted them!).

Search for "thank you cards wedding birth".

squizita · 22/02/2017 20:58

Cherish my first weeks with a baby were clinical anxiety hell. My dh got far more done than me. Maternity leave is a fucking irrelevance and it makes my blood boil ... I know people at the NICU etc or in hospital themselves ... They're on "maternity" too!

I sent cards. But 'especially' as she's on maternity is a snide, spiteful, idiotic comment: EVERY ONE is after a baby (even the USA gives them 6 weeks) and it's NOT a FUCKING HOLIDAY. I would go so far as to say if you have lots of time and are feeling chilled and fresh, you might want to speak to your HV to check you're looking after your tiny newborn without day/night rhythms who needs food every 2-4 hours, and get a psych check for bonding.

Underbeneathsies · 22/02/2017 21:02

Why not get birth announcement cards, with a picture of your baby on the front, and put an hand written note in each one if you need to thank anyone for a present no matter how token it it

That way everyone knows your baby's birthday, what they look like, and what name etc, and you can write a personalised note for those who have given gifts.

twobarnsmammisonthebus · 22/02/2017 21:07

Squizita, pretty sure Cherish was assuming that OP was currently on the pre-baby part of her maternity leave?!

Bettyspants · 22/02/2017 22:15

Apologies for not having rtft but personally I did send cards for all children ... they've always done their own thankyou for birthday and Christmas too, even just a scribble or smiley face I. A card when very little. Yes it's a real effort but I really appreciated the gifts from people and I also want my children to be aware of the value and thought of presents, particularly now where a class party and 20 gifts can be seen as the norm. However I also know what it's like to be struggling post birth with hourly daylight breast feeding, a family and then later on full time work and studying. I love receiving a thankyou card that is genuine (i.e. If from a child they've contributed!) but completely understand that it can be too much. Apologies for going off thread somewhat!

Bettyspants · 22/02/2017 22:16

I also sent cards 2 months after last baby was born , couldn't get it together any sooner!

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