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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think thank you cards for every baby gift a bit much?

291 replies

likeacrow · 21/02/2017 08:28

I might be. Or lazy. But we've had loads of little token gifts already and baby clothes, which is so lovely and generous but do we then do a thank you card for everybody? We've done them for our respective parents who've bought big items for us but do we include every colleague who has, for instance, given a cute jumper reduced in the sale or a pair of booties on offer?
I've never expected a thank you card when I've given little token presents like baby clothes to friends and I'm not just saying that to justify me not doing it! I've just always found a verbal thank you sufficient
Especially from sleep deprived new parents.
One of my best friends however thinks I should do personalised thank you cards for everyone who's given anything. She doesn't have kids. She's made it very clear she wants a card with a photo of the baby (when born) to say thank you for the outfit she bought us plus personalised message.

We've not even had (our first) baby yet btw!
Genuinely interested in opinions and approaches here as personally I think thank you cards for every last token gift is a bit much.

OP posts:
Noodledoodledoo · 21/02/2017 21:56

Agree they are not a huge effort and I would always do them, had just finished birth cards for second child when I had to start on first birthday thank you's!

As with others I have stopped sending to people who don't even acknowledge receipt of a gift let alone send a thank you.

These threads always baffle me.

I also sent cards and presents to ante natal, labour and post natal wards with first as I was in for a long stay. With second I was in for a very short space of time but dropped in letters of thanks to the midwives who cared for me including an amazing lady who due to her intervention that saved me a lot of trauma.

Noodledoodledoo · 21/02/2017 21:56

That should say first childs birthday thank you - it didn't take me a year to write them!

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 21/02/2017 21:56

Thank in person or send a message in receipt.

After both DCs were born, I was in quite poor condition due to EMCS/ bad tear and other complications. It was months before my body returned to normal levels of function as in walking to the local post office and back. First time I couldn't hold a pen and write due to carpal tunnel syndrome, and it was weeks before I could use the computer. DH was too busy looking after us and catching up on work projects.
We didn't have the physical or mental energy to piss about with thank you cards just to feed peoples' egos. I have received some birth announcement cards, but never a thank you for a baby gift. Most new parents have other priorities. I shall file this concept with other odd mumsnet-isms such as finding it cleaner to clean your toilet out with your hand and bog roll rather than a bleached brush.

We were very prompt with wedding thank yous. They were sent within 3 days before we went on honeymoon. Wink

bringonyourwreckingball · 21/02/2017 22:03

I really don't expect a thank you card/note for a baby gift. They've just had a baby, they are tired why would you add to their stress?

Pashworth · 22/02/2017 09:39

It's not necessary. You've enough on your plate without getting out stationary or printing cards. You've naturally thanked people and will send pics of your baby wearing their clothes etc. People should not give to receive. Anyone expecting a thank you card should not be giving gifts. When your child is older and can get involved it will be a fun thing to do.

MagicMoments22 · 22/02/2017 09:47

I sent notes about 2 weeks after the birth and for Christmas I sent photos with a message via facebook/email.

If you thanked them in person don't worry about it - I received lots of presents whilst I was out/asleep or they were passed on through family members.

Fintress · 22/02/2017 10:38

YABU. I was very ill after the birth of my daughter and diagnosed with a serious illness when she was 3 weeks old, but I still managed to write a card to everyone who gave her a gift. And she got a lot of gifts.

Herschellmum · 22/02/2017 17:53

I'm not sure I'm bothered getting thank you cards or not, but I really try to thank everyone in person and with a card for anything they have gotten me/my kids (although I have on occasion come across a pile of cards I have written but never sent)!

I've had a few people just print out some photos of baby and write thanks on the back and post those, which seems easier but also sweet.

Postchildrenpregranny · 22/02/2017 17:57

I am a stickler generally for thank you letters but I do think new parents should be excused, particularly if you were given the gift in person and thanked the donor then.Maybe to elderly relatives ?Especially if it was hand made .
My DD knitted and delivered a shawl for a friend's new baby recently. Friend took pic of her cuddling said baby with it draped over him and later messaged her a pic of him asleep cocooned it it which I thought was nice . With 'X says thank you ' Perfectly adequate I think DD felt it was privelege enough to be invited to meet and cuddle the PFB when he was still very new .
I sent same new mum a congrats card and she actually messaged me to say thank which I really didn't expect.

Zippy100 · 22/02/2017 18:00

I think it's a very personal thing. I always send thank you notes having had it drummed into me as a kid! I just bought cute little thank you cards in packs from a cheap card shop though, as couldn't afford to get the printed ones they worked out at over £30. If I bought someone a baby gift I think it's nice to have a thank you card, but gosh would realise it's not always possible especially in early days and if birth had been difficult. A text would be fine as long as there is some acknowledgement. X

Postchildrenpregranny · 22/02/2017 18:04

DD2 is a midwife and really appreciates the thank cards she sometimes gets .They remind her she loves her job even though it is hugely stressful

BreatheDeep · 22/02/2017 18:07

Can't stand thank you cards. I actually don't like receiving them. But I know I'm in the minority. I have either thanked verbally or sent an email or text to say thanks.

38cody · 22/02/2017 18:12

If somebody gives you a gift in person - thank in person - if it's delivered by post or via another friend then write or call.
Keep a not of everyone who sent a gift and when baby arrives just mass print your fave photo and send one to everyone with a note on the back introducing baby and saying a quick thank you.
It's not much of a chore and we all love baby photos and we all love to be appreciated.
A baby grow is not a token gift to everyone and each gift should be responded to, otherwise YABU as it's just rude.

Theonlywayis · 22/02/2017 18:15

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

GreenShadow · 22/02/2017 18:19

I'm with the 'Yes' definitely brigade.

Someone goes to the effort of selecting something for you, then you go to the effort of thanking them properly.

lilypoppet · 22/02/2017 18:20

Thank everyone if you are able. Cost of gift is not a way to measure.

SquidgeyMidgey · 22/02/2017 18:24

I wouldn't expect one, not in a million years. New parents have more important things to do.

Tinseleverywhere · 22/02/2017 18:26

It's a bit old fashioned going back to the days when stamps were relatively cheaper. If you had to send 50 cards that would cost you around £25 a lot of money to some people.
Having said that if you have old fashioned friends who are possibly going to be offended then send them a card and pic of the new arrival. I'd get the cards all ready before baby is born and then stick the picture in after and send them.

twobarnsmammisonthebus · 22/02/2017 18:27

Theonlywayis - I don't think people give a gift expecting to receive a thank you card - but I do think that people should receive a gift and expect to thank someone properly for it. And convention has been that this is through a thank you card. Now, obviously, 'properly' and 'convention' are subjective here, and as is clear from this whole thread, the whole concept of thanking for gifts is clearly in a state of flux, but I still can't quite get my head around why people would be so against writing a thank you card.....

EurusHolmesViolin · 22/02/2017 18:30

Of course you shouldn't bother. They're silly at the best of times. Times that by a million when a human has just exited you.

Craigie · 22/02/2017 18:31

YABU, and lazy. People expect thank you notes for certain event, and giving your child a present is one of them. Do as many as you can now while 'be got the time.

NEScribe · 22/02/2017 18:31

I am probably too old to join this discussion but I love getting a thank you card. These days I send rather than receive them - although currently I am waiting for the introduction of "Well done - your child made it to 16 and has turned into a real person" cards.

But I think a card or short notice is really appreciated.

EurusHolmesViolin · 22/02/2017 18:32

Speaking as a person, I certainly don't expect one. Or appreciate it, tbh. Would much rather new parents didn't bother. They have more than enough to do without wasting time, energy and paper.

novemberontrumpwatch · 22/02/2017 18:33

We sent picture cards, only when DS was about 9 weeks old, though, and the dust had settled a bit, so to speak.

Verbena37 · 22/02/2017 18:34

You sound a bit rude.
However, if the gifts were passed to you in an open bag, which you took and opened with them there and (presumably) you said thank you for, then no, no card needed.

However, if someone gave you something you opened later or that was wrapped and they didn't see you as it was opened, then yes, a verbal thank you, thank you note or email of thanks, is required.

I'm guessing you mean people how have given pre baby things so will presumably give a post birth pressie once your dc is born?

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