Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think thank you cards for every baby gift a bit much?

291 replies

likeacrow · 21/02/2017 08:28

I might be. Or lazy. But we've had loads of little token gifts already and baby clothes, which is so lovely and generous but do we then do a thank you card for everybody? We've done them for our respective parents who've bought big items for us but do we include every colleague who has, for instance, given a cute jumper reduced in the sale or a pair of booties on offer?
I've never expected a thank you card when I've given little token presents like baby clothes to friends and I'm not just saying that to justify me not doing it! I've just always found a verbal thank you sufficient
Especially from sleep deprived new parents.
One of my best friends however thinks I should do personalised thank you cards for everyone who's given anything. She doesn't have kids. She's made it very clear she wants a card with a photo of the baby (when born) to say thank you for the outfit she bought us plus personalised message.

We've not even had (our first) baby yet btw!
Genuinely interested in opinions and approaches here as personally I think thank you cards for every last token gift is a bit much.

OP posts:
DarklyDreamingDexter · 21/02/2017 19:15

If someone is kind enough to buy something for your baby, surely it's not too much to expect a thank you in return? I'd certainly never buy another present for someone who couldn't be bothered to say thank you. I don't think it necessarily needs to be a card, unless it's from an elderly aunt or something. A suitably appreciative text or email would be ok.

Original poster
likeacrow · 21/02/2017 19:17

DarklyDreamingDexter "f someone is kind enough to buy something for your baby, surely it's not too much to expect a thank you in return?"
No it's not. And they get one. Sometimes more than one! I'm sick to death of repeating myself now. Over and out.

OP posts:
CooolWhip · 21/02/2017 19:39

If you already have received gifts, send a thank you note now, send them as you go along, same with brides who get gifts before the wedding.

Woah, there I was thinking that wedding gifts were for a couple, not just a bride. I wonder if grooms/fathers are also have the weight of thank you cards on their conscience.

The very last thing I'd expect a friend with a baby to bother herself with was a thank you card for the gift I got for the baby. She might have post natal depression. She just might not feel up to it, might just be exhausted. She might be anxious about spending a seemingly small £30 on cards and stamps for all the gifts when her maternity pay is a pittance and she's worried about paying over a grand a month in childcare soon. She might be busy looking after other kids as well as the baby. She might spend all her time adoring the baby and watching Neighbours. I really don't care, it's a time for her and her baby to take priority.

If I received a card I'd love it, especially with a picture, because I enjoy seeing a friend's pride and joy. But I absolutely would not expect one, nor would I think less of someone for not sending me one.

I love sending cards, I still send Christmas cards and that's a dying tradition. I like to think would send cards if I received baby gifts, because I like getting creative and using my fountain pen, but I have no idea what my baby would be like, how I'd feel after birth, etc.

If anyone got me a gift and then got pissy about not getting a card, I'd only wish they'd let me know so I could reimburse them for their troubles and not bother with their pomposity in future.

OCSockOrphanage · 21/02/2017 19:43

Historic note: when DS was born, we were given some lovely clothing gifts, obviously carefully chosen, but few of them for newborns. When he was old enough to wear said item, I sent the donors a pic of their outfit being worn, usually the first time. It took 18 months to work through but wasn't time consuming. And yes, old people like me enjoy knowing that their gifts are appreciated.

Going into the GP generation, I occasionally see cute baby outfits and buy them, even months after the birth. In fact, the gifts for 6-18 months are often more appreciated as it's lovely to have something a bit special that is new once the thrill of a new baby has worn off and turned into effort. Which reminds me, I have to find a few while I'm on holiday.

Crunchyside · 21/02/2017 19:56

We did birth announcement cards with photos of baby on them, those obviously took at least a couple of weeks or so after the birth to arrive, and we wrote thank you on them before posting them off. So that way it killed two birds with one stone (birth announcement and thank yous).

I definitely wouldn't expect thank you notes from new parents with a baby, I think it's nice to receive even a quick text message/Facebook message/whatever, or if they gave the gift in person I think a verbal "thank you so much, it's adorable!" is more than enough gratitude Smile

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 21/02/2017 19:58

To be honest it was a rhetorical question

Hmm struggling to see the point of this thread then?

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 21/02/2017 20:00

I sent them to everyone who got dd/me a gift and this was after emergency c-section, readmitted to hospital day after release with beyond high BP, bad infection (which meant no showers for 10weeks) and DP going through major surgery 12 weeks after I had baby!
I just kept a note on my phone of each thing and sent them when I could

DebiNewberry · 21/02/2017 20:05

Yes i would, for things presented as a gift, it's a hard one to delineate but definitely if say my bf gave me something she saw and thought of me, I would say thanks there and then and wouldn't follow up with a thank you card. If she gave me a birthday present I would send a thank you. it doesn't have to major imo - get some postcards made with thank you on and a photo of the baby and send out bit by bit.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 21/02/2017 20:08

I sent written thank you cards for all non reciprocal gifts, so wedding, new baby and child at Christmas/birthdays to people without children. (If I'm honest, I'd rather that my dead grandma's neighbour who I don't really know hadn't bothered to send my toddler a £5 at Christmas because he doesn't care but it creates work for me, but y'know it's really kind of her and it would be rude not to acknowledge it). Close friends I have an amnesty with, we don't have to bother with anything more than a text. It's not that difficult to send proper thank yous. Hopefully this thread has demonstrated that to some people it is important.

GreedyDuck · 21/02/2017 20:19

I got some little birth announcement/thank you cards made online (PhotoBox I think) with a cute pic of DD on and scrawled a few every time she went down for a nap. I did keep a list on my phone of who had sent what so I could thank them for the right gift.

I'm a pretty disorganised person, but all of the above could be done from the sofa after my c-section and it really wasn't that onerous a task. It took a few weeks to get them out, but I'm sure people understood.

Not thanking people is incredibly rude and graceless.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 21/02/2017 20:31

Every baby,
every birthday
Every Xmas
Every gift
I keep a list on the fridge and send a little card, never occurs to me to differentiate between "token" gifts or warped gifts, no matter how small a thank you text with picture, older relatives really appreciate it.

If nothing else a text and picture, come on!

hearyoume · 21/02/2017 20:32

Absolutely will not be buying midwives presents! Please say this is a joke and not a thing.

You aren't planning on thanking the person who delivers your baby safely into the world?? I didn't send a gift basket or anything but I did send cards to my community midwife and to the midwife who delivered my baby on both occasions. With DD2 it was just me, OH and one midwife. She was with me for hours. She was the first person to touch my baby. She stitched me up and treated me with dignity I thought I'd lost. She helped me shower while DH tended to DD. Sending a card is the least I could do. You say you haven't had your baby yet so maybe you can't appreciate how grateful you will feel. Midwives are angels on earth. Send a fucking card.

fatmummy87 · 21/02/2017 20:40

You aren't planning on thanking the person who delivers your baby safely into the world??

At a guess there were 12 people who helped deliver my son and I saw about 10 midwives during my pre natal care. Cant remember what any of their names are. Don't think they were expecting thank you cards Hmm

bunnylove99 · 21/02/2017 20:44

As long as you thank people in some way I don't think everyone needs a card - depends on circs. You colleagues with the Tesco bags? I think they aren't expecting any more than a verbal. However if you receive gifts from others via post or passed on through others, I would send a card or text or phone them to show your gratitude. It's nice to receive some acknowledgement that the gift has at least arrived.

Original poster
likeacrow · 21/02/2017 20:44

hearyoume no.

OP posts:
beargrass · 21/02/2017 20:46

Yes you absolutely should send cards. I kept a running list, did photo cards, and divvied up the writing of the cards between DH and me. We each signed them. You have to thank people, not doing so is very rude indeed.

hearyoume · 21/02/2017 20:46

fatmummy yes, very similar with DD1. Lots of people there for the birth, lots of different midwives afterwards. I was out of it before, during and after and couldn't remember names etc so I sent a card to the ward. DD2 was different so I was able to thank that one midwife. I'm just a bit miffed at OP's attitude.

Only1scoop · 21/02/2017 20:49

Yabu
I think new baby thank you cards are the ones you send even if you aren't big on thank you's....ie rude.

Allthewaves · 21/02/2017 20:51

Had amazing mil who did printed thank you cards with picture if baby, dh wrote out envelopes and stamps then posted

Only1scoop · 21/02/2017 20:55

Blimey your baby's not even here yet ....
Awful.

BlackeyedSusan · 21/02/2017 20:56

I bought some lovely thankyou cards for ds's presents. I found them a year or so ago. still in the packet. ds is 8. [oops]

mainlywingingit · 21/02/2017 21:04

Yes FGS of course you should send a thank you!

luckylavender · 21/02/2017 21:04

Mumsnet is marvellous in so many ways but I never ever fail to be shocked at the lack of manners regarding saying thank you for a gift, any gift at any time, by whatever means. Seriously it really bothers me.

penguinpurple · 21/02/2017 21:27

A thank you and acknowledgment are definitely required - and sometimes forgotten. (My mum asked me recently if she could stopssending money for my cousins kids bday and Xmas as she has never had any acknowledgment - the oldest is 6, not sure why she kept it up that longConfused)
For all the people we don't know that well eg my mum's neighbours or her generation upwards we definitely sent cards. With longstanding friends/siblings you usually know if it's expected within the relationship. I'd be more happy with a WhatsApp/text/email from friends especially if it had picture of clothes I'd bought etc and among some people I know that is perfectly acceptable.

dementedma · 21/02/2017 21:32

Yes. Thank you cards every time, all the time. Not negotiable in this house and DC's ( 26, 23 and 15) still do the handwritten thanks you note at Christmas and after birthdays.

Swipe left for the next trending thread