To think thank you cards for every baby gift a bit much?

[likeacrow]

I might be. Or lazy. But we've had loads of little token gifts already and baby clothes, which is so lovely and generous but do we then do a thank you card for everybody? We've done them for our respective parents who've bought big items for us but do we include every colleague who has, for instance, given a cute jumper reduced in the sale or a pair of booties on offer?
I've never expected a thank you card when I've given little token presents like baby clothes to friends and I'm not just saying that to justify me not doing it! I've just always found a verbal thank you sufficient
Especially from sleep deprived new parents.
One of my best friends however thinks I should do personalised thank you cards for everyone who's given anything. She doesn't have kids. She's made it very clear she wants a card with a photo of the baby (when born) to say thank you for the outfit she bought us plus personalised message.

We've not even had (our first) baby yet btw!
Genuinely interested in opinions and approaches here as personally I think thank you cards for every last token gift is a bit much.

Likeacrow, I don't think cards are necessary at all (I've never received cards for an informal baby gift) but you do sound very cross if people say they think you should send cards.

You did ask for peoples opinion and so I can't see why you're being sarcastic or hostile to those whose opinions don't agree with yours - I don't mean that aggressively at all by the way, it's hard to convey a tone by text.

But no, I don't think you need to send cards for the kind of gifts you've mentioned.

I always do thank you letters. Sometimes sent 6-8 weeks later. They are always sent though. I write a letter on my computer. Generic letter about the event (birth announcement, first birthday, Christmas, etc) and include a picture. Then I print them all off. I then hand wrote the name of who it's for and if necessary a little personal "thank you for x, really sweet" "thank you for y, can't wait until he's grown into it" "thank you for z, he's already been playing with it". Short and simple.

As he's gotten older the picture has varied. It's no longer a photograph of him on the day of event, around 2 it was a scribble that he made, at 3 it was a badly coloured in picture linked to event, now he's 4 he physically writes thank you from name. 8 scan them into the computer and add them to the letter.

We've had LOADS of pressies for our DS and I intend to send thank you cards to everyone. He's seven weeks old now but I'm hoping to finally get them sorted this week 🙈 I'll be keeping it simple though - I've bought card and will be putting a cute pic of him on the front of each and printing a generic message on each card. Can't think I'll have the time to hand write 50+ cards hence why the slight cop-out of doing them on the computer.

I think it rude and unmannerly not to send cards for every present tbh. The OP only seems to assess the need for a card commensurate with the monetary value of the gift....which I find frightfully vulgar incidentally.

I remember sobbing my eyes out when DD was a few weeks old because I was so overwhelmed by all the presents and feeling obliged to do thank yous for them. I remember thinking wistfully that if only everyone who'd bought us a babygro had offered an hour of their time instead or a meal for the freezer... It would have made such a difference in the early days. It has totally made me rethink what I give to new parents.

As for thank yous- I did bulk preparation in advance as she was due just before Xmas but I was induced in early December. I spent November addressing Xmas cards, sticking stamps on etc so all that needed to be added was a photo of DD with name, DOB and weight on, plus a sentence 'thank you for the ....'. That was a good way of dealing with most of it, but what I hadn't anticipated was the number of random people who seemed to like buying babygros and who weren't on the Xmas card list! So many babygros... half of them never got worn and we then had to buy a load of 3-6m stuff as all the presents were in tiny sizes!

The worst were random friends of my Mum's who I barely knew but who would pick up baby stuff whilst doing their shopping and send it with Mum when she came to stay. It was never stuff we actually needed or wanted but they were all of that generation that expected a thank you card for their 'thoughtfulness'.

Trouble is, people like buying the cute teeny tiny baby clothes and don't actually give any thought to the recipients!

I think if you send a gift it is nice to get a thank you but no way does it have to be personalised - that's going too far.

Ive never sent a thank you card in my life, not after my wedding or anything. No one I mix with does either so no one would think I am rude.

I think a photograph of the baby would be a nicer touch, you could always write a little note on the back if you feel the need.

I would never expect a card from new parents but they are lovely to receive when we do. When I have visited friends and family they have displayed the cards we have sent. We currently have 4 thank you cards on our fridge, one new baby and three from Christmas. We do have a lot of friends and family spread far and wide though so find it a nice way to share some pictures.

Whilst getting a thank you card is special, nowadays the cost of postage alone is quite prohibitive. 40 gifts would cost over £20 never mind the cards. Think if you give a personal warm Thank You or a note to those who have sent gifts this would be acceptable.

I think thank you cards are nice, but don't need to be personalised (other than a name) for everyone. You don't need to post them all. Just have them handy when you see people. Or phone them to say thank you.

The best, most thoughtful, gift we had was from an American woman who lives round the corner who is acquaintances with. She emailed a week after DD was born to ask if we'd like some freezer meals making and with a list of suggestions. I thanked her and replied with those meals we could eat due to allergies/freezer space etc. She then popped round a few days later with a bag full of home-made food. She didn't stay long either- just said hi, handed bag over and said nice baby, I won't bother you any longer, and left. Perfect present and perfect visitor. She did get a thank you later on.

I made sure the people I care about got 'proper' thank you cards. But we had so much random unwanted stuff from people I had neither address nor phone number for it was unreal. I did a few emails for my Mum to send on (her generation don't really do mobile phones) but not overly happy that some of her friends now have my email address because of that.

The most thoughtless gifts? Those that were too big to go through the letterbox. The last thing you need with a new baby, stitches, trying to establish BF etc etc is to answer the doorbell. We had several end up at the sorting office which was a PITA itself as DH doesn't drive. Again, don't force the new parent to have to make a trip to the sorting office! That was another source of overwhelming tears for me - going to all the effort of getting there to retrieve said parcel(s) only to find it's yet another unwanted gift from someone I barely knew.

"Random unwanted stuff"..... nice. Surely you could have asked your mum for their addresses? These are people who went out of their way to do something lovely for you....they would likely be mortified and upset if they thought that this was your attitude towards them.

The frustration of the post office I can understand but surely you can see that people are actually out to do something nice, not deliberately make your life hard by marking an amazing event in your life

• of having to get to the post office

My rule for thank yous is no need to if you are given the present in person but you should if it is passed on. That said, I have a few Xmas presents I have forgotten to do!

Since I've had dc's I don't expect thank you cards from parents. They've got enough to do.

I sent mine out when the dc's were 2/3 months old. Even that was hard going.

Perhaps that is a bit much, your friend expecting you to do personalised cards for everyone. But I have always done thankyou cards and think it's really important and good manners.
I wrote a list of everything people got me for when my daughter was born and sent out cards as soon as I could - as well as texting to say thankyou too.

I do sympathise and agree with the fact that new mothers have a lot on their plate and that cards should NOT be a priority. Our thank you cards didn't go out until our son was over two months old at least. But I still don't think the point is that gift givers expect to receive a card, it's that gift receivers should expect to send one...

Twobarns- but they weren't doing something lovely for me. They're random people who sent stuff we didn't need because they had an overwhelming urge to go into the baby dept of the supermarket. I found it tough finding time to get online or on the phone with a small baby (I struggled to get the house and car insurance renewed that first month) so having to email or phone my Mum to find addresses of people I didn't want to write to in the first place was really hard.

My Mum was horrified by it too, and very apologetic every time she got landed with more stuff to bring with her (she visited twice in the first six weeks). I think because of the crazy consumerism? In her day (she's a 40s baby who had me in the 70s) people simply didn't do this mad gift giving.

I think it's completely thoughtless and lacking in imagination to send piles of baby crap to someone you barely know!

I think we'll have to agree to disagree