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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dh wants a threesome with his best friend's gf

227 replies

twoscompany · 28/02/2007 14:10

have changed my name for obvious reasons.

Me and dh have been together for 12 years, married for 8, we have a 4 year old dd. Have always had a great relationship, although I?ll admit that sexually I?m not as open-minded as some people are, but dh has always respected this.

However over the past year or so dh has been saying more and more that he would like us to have a threesome. To start with he said it jokingly, and I took it as such as he knows there?s absolutely no way I would go for it. But more recently he?s been saying more and more that he wants to have a threesome and is ignoring my attempts to laugh it off, saying that it should be his birthday present from me.

Then last night he said that I should invite a friend, who happens to be his best friend?s gf, over for the weekend, and he then said ?because she?s the one I think we should have a threesome with?.

I?ve pointed out that this isn?t going to do much good for dh?s friendship, but he said that I should be the one to ask her, that way his friend need never know. He?s also promised that he will give me the majority of attention and that he won?t actually have sex with her, but just wants her to be there.

Am I being selfish for not wanting to do this?

OP posts:
scatterbrain · 28/02/2007 14:12

Errrrr - No !!! Not unreasonable at all !

He is being very unreasonable however and should be told so in no uncertain terms !

BoolieTC · 28/02/2007 14:13

Tell him where to get off!

What an idiot. Sounds like he has a bit of a crush on his bf's gf to me.

If you don't want it don't do it it will damage your relationship and screw you up.

expatinscotland · 28/02/2007 14:14

No, you're not selfish.

He is.

And a git for making you feel this way.

So you're not 'open-minded' to infidelity.

I don't see what's wrong with that.

Heavenis · 28/02/2007 14:14

You should never do anything that you are not comfortable with doing.

If he can't respect how you feel then you have more problems in your relationship and therefore should question is it one you are happy to be in.

Songbird · 28/02/2007 14:15

Tell him you'd be happy to have a threesome but you want his friend, not the girlfriend!

poppynic · 28/02/2007 14:15

You are certainly not being selfish. Don't go there. A friend's friend (no, really), did this and regretted it ever since. She was very sexually adventurous and has few (if any) hang-ups but this really messed up her relationship.

expatinscotland · 28/02/2007 14:15

I wouldn't hesitate to tell him there's no way I'd do this, stop pestering me and making me feel bad about it, and thanks for the warning, I'll be sure to be on my guard from now on.

wilkie50 · 28/02/2007 14:15

OMG - No way. I would consider myself open minded and adventurous when it comes to sex but a threesome? Erm, no. If you don't feel comfortable then don't do it!

Aloha · 28/02/2007 14:15

Kitty, is that you?

BoolieTC · 28/02/2007 14:18

If the OP is genuine then its a no brainer,and she needs to stand up for herself.

If she isn't genuine then i'd have hoped she'd have thought of something more interesting to post to cause an outcry.Yawn!

Original poster
twoscompany · 28/02/2007 14:20

sg I did suggest that we could have the threesome but with his friend instead and he said no

OP posts:
Original poster
twoscompany · 28/02/2007 14:21

and no I'm not kitty.

OP posts:
Pimmpom · 28/02/2007 14:21

You don't really need to ask do you?

expatinscotland · 28/02/2007 14:21

He's being an utter piss weasel.

HelenWheels · 28/02/2007 14:23

If you don't want to do it, tell him in no uncertain terms that it is not going to happen.

Don't do anything that you don't want to do. You'll feel like shit afterwards if you do.

Have some self-respect. Far more important than doing something for him that you don't want to do.

Heavenis · 28/02/2007 14:24

So he want you to have a threesome with his friends GF but won't let you have one with his friend.

Is his friend the same friend whose girlfriend he wants to join you.

ohsmellyjelly · 28/02/2007 14:24

Message withdrawn

ohsmellyjelly · 28/02/2007 14:25

Message withdrawn

BoolieTC · 28/02/2007 14:26

Tell him to leave it out or else you will tell his friend!

I used to have a friend who's bf wanted a threesome with me, she didn't want to, I deffo didn't want to the thought sleeping with either of them repulsed me, he made her ask and now we are no longer friends.

lulumama · 28/02/2007 14:27

he basically wants to shag this other girl, no? and he doesn;t want his friend to know ....

unbelievable

this sort of behaviour would be a deal breaker for me

there is plenty you can do as a couple, with things you are both comfortable with ,that will allow you to grow together sexually......

none of which has to involve sex with anyone else

Original poster
twoscompany · 28/02/2007 14:28

no she has no idea. I've already told him no but if I don't do it, will he shag her anyway? he's never been unfaithful to me and it's only ini the past year that all this has come about. And I really don't know why?

OP posts:
BoolieTC · 28/02/2007 14:29

Thats why you should threaten to tell his friend, may make him think twice.

HelenWheels · 28/02/2007 14:31

You realise that all this boils down to is him wanting to shag another woman, don't you. Only he's doing it in a way that means you have to take as much responsibility for it as he does, so that he doesn't have to feel guilty or be accused of sleeping around behind your back.

And he hasn't even got the guts to do the dirty work himself, he wants you to do it - so that it looks like your idea, it looks like something you want, and he is absolved of all responsibility.

He's a tosser.

ohsmellyjelly · 28/02/2007 14:31

Message withdrawn

lulumama · 28/02/2007 14:31

ok..

you are afraid he will shag her anyway? so then you might end up in sexual situation you don;t want to be in....and your relationship is going to suffer either way...

you need to talk...about what is going on in his head..and why he is pushing this. especially with her..sounds like a crush gone too far

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