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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dh wants a threesome with his best friend's gf

227 replies

twoscompany · 28/02/2007 14:10

have changed my name for obvious reasons.

Me and dh have been together for 12 years, married for 8, we have a 4 year old dd. Have always had a great relationship, although I?ll admit that sexually I?m not as open-minded as some people are, but dh has always respected this.

However over the past year or so dh has been saying more and more that he would like us to have a threesome. To start with he said it jokingly, and I took it as such as he knows there?s absolutely no way I would go for it. But more recently he?s been saying more and more that he wants to have a threesome and is ignoring my attempts to laugh it off, saying that it should be his birthday present from me.

Then last night he said that I should invite a friend, who happens to be his best friend?s gf, over for the weekend, and he then said ?because she?s the one I think we should have a threesome with?.

I?ve pointed out that this isn?t going to do much good for dh?s friendship, but he said that I should be the one to ask her, that way his friend need never know. He?s also promised that he will give me the majority of attention and that he won?t actually have sex with her, but just wants her to be there.

Am I being selfish for not wanting to do this?

OP posts:
BoolieTC · 28/02/2007 14:32

The only fair way to do it would be to ask them both to join you as a couple! However as you have already said you dont want it then that puts an end to it anyway.

Could be a good one to call his bluff on though!

expatinscotland · 28/02/2007 14:33

F*&k threatening to tell the friend, I'd have done it already.

HelenWheels · 28/02/2007 14:34

When you say that you think he'd go and shag her anyway, you're assuming that she would want to shag him in the first place.

I would tell her, get her on side. Make a big joke about it if you have to, but tell her.

zippitippitoes · 28/02/2007 14:34

well I think an unequivocal no and an in depth discussion of how you both feel about yoyr relationship to follow

he is basically saying he lusts after this girl

and wants you to help him get her into bed

there are too many reasons why this is not very nice

Original poster
twoscompany · 28/02/2007 14:36

I think maybe the reason why he wants something more is because I am quite unadventurous in the bedroom, quite a prude actually and I know he does find this frustrating. I was a virgin when we met and so never experimented and was always very conservative and quite uncomfortable doing lots of things. But dh has always been very understanding and has never pushed me to do anything I didn't want to which is why this has come as quite a shock to me.

Maybe he's sexually frustrated or something, he doesn't look at porn I'm fairly sure of that.

OP posts:
Heavenis · 28/02/2007 14:37

You need to talk to him about what is going on in his head.

He doesn't even know if this girl would agree.

He gets you to ask her.If she agrees then he has the perfect reason to say you allowed it to happen.

If she says no then he can say it was all your idea.

I think you need to start talking or pack his case for him.

ohsmellyjelly · 28/02/2007 14:37

Message withdrawn

lulumama · 28/02/2007 14:38

if he is dissatisfied with your sexual relationship, sex with a third party will not solve the problem... only make it worse

you need to talk

Heavenis · 28/02/2007 14:38

So if you are a prude why did you suggest a threesome with his friend ?

Cappuccino · 28/02/2007 14:39

lol at 'piss weasel'

Cappuccino · 28/02/2007 14:39

chuck him out

next

Original poster
twoscompany · 28/02/2007 14:42

Heavenis I didn't suggest having a threesome as such, I merely used it as a counter argument "so would it be alright then if I wanted to have a threesome with xxx?"

It was more to show him from my pov how unreasonable I thought it was.

OP posts:
lulumama · 28/02/2007 14:42

he suggested it, not the OP

lulumama · 28/02/2007 14:43

Twoscompany

do you want your relationship to continue and work? if so, this is a make or break point...how you deal with this will set the tone for the future of the relationship, if you give in or capitulate to his sexual demands, when you are not comfortable, he will keep pushing you

so you need to take a good long think about things and what you want, and if this man is the one for you to be with

Heavenis · 28/02/2007 14:44

Sorry I misinterpreted what you said.

TenaLady · 28/02/2007 14:44

Havent read all this thread but cant help feeling its a wind up or else something as sad as you see on that twerp's show in the mornings.

sorry if you are genuine. If you are genuine I would seriously seek your sense of morals and self respect. This sort of questioning and expectation from my dh would definately see him in a divorce court.

themildmanneredjanitor · 28/02/2007 14:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HuwEdwards · 28/02/2007 14:46

"He's being an utter piss weasel"

hit the nail on the head expat.

UnquietDad · 28/02/2007 14:47

To be fair - putting my shields up, Scotty - it doesn't sound as if he wants to shag the other girl. He just likes the porno-fantasy idea of two women together, which is probably better in fantasy than reality.

(Well, I say it is... DW has never let me find out, LOL)...

Look, there are women who like this idea (including some of you on here who have confesed to it - there was an entire thread about it a week or two ago). So let's not be "the British public in one of its regular fits of morality" and pretend that the entire gender finds the whole thing disgusting.

It sounds as if it's something they need to talk through as a fantasy. Maybe there is something she wants to do which she has never shared with him, or which he has been reluctant to do. May not be a good idea to involve gf of the bf, especially if he doesn't know...

ScottishThistle · 28/02/2007 14:47

Tell him you asked her & she said "NO WAY!"

Next!

Tortington · 28/02/2007 14:48

"will he have sex with her anyway?" so this sounds like you are considering it to keep your man.

thats what 15 year olds do - have sex or else he'll go off with someone else.

so let him.

if he does hes not worthy of you is he?

ohsmellyjelly · 28/02/2007 14:51

Message withdrawn

HelenWheels · 28/02/2007 14:52

No, the entire gender doesn't find it disgusting, UnquietDad. But the OP does, and that's what the responses have been aimed at. This isn't moral outrage at threesomes, it's support for someone who is distressed by the idea.

themildmanneredjanitor · 28/02/2007 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lulumama · 28/02/2007 14:54

absolutely UD...BUT..the OP here is not happy about it, so it is not about us all telling her it is repulsive and awful, because i get the feeling she already feels like that !