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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To shut her in the front room

222 replies

shesgrownhorns · 12/02/2017 20:47

Dd has been an absolute little madam recently. She's been pushing the boundaries for a while now, which is normal I suppose and I'm a very easy going mum but I've had enough of the bed hopping, endless long goodnights, etc. She's 7 almost 8. I've put my foot down and decided that enough is enough. When I say enough is enough I simply mean that one story plus a few chapters of an audio book plus endless cuddles is enough and she's just got to stay in her own bed when it's lights out.

Dd was not happy with this change in routine and has been downstairs and planted herself defiantly on the sofa for about 8 times. Poor dh has taken her back up only to be immediately followed back down.

In the end I've just asked him to stick her in the front room, and tell her not to come out. Of course she came out. I put her back in and gave her a book of the book shelf and told her stay in there and read that if you're so wide awake.

I looked in on her and asked if she was ready to go up yet and she just looked up from the book she was pretending to read and stuck her tongue out at me.

I'm thinking the next port of call if this fails is the cellar, or maybe out on the front step.

Not really, but you might know where I'm coming from....

AIBU and if I am, what should I do?????

OP posts:
Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 12/02/2017 20:51

Anyone? -sorry!

OP posts:
Nomorechickens · 12/02/2017 20:53

What supernanny does is, put her in her room, when she comes out, put her back in, the first couple of times tell her you are nearby, and to stay in her room, after that say nothing. Be prepared to do this for an hour or more for at least 5 nights. Giving up is fatal.

We have tried this without success, so now just get into bed and stay till they are asleep! Did this with dd till she was 9.

happymumof4crazykids · 12/02/2017 20:54

I have no idea what to suggest other than a reward chart where she earns points if she goes straight to bed every night? Reward could be extra 1/2 hr up on a Saturday night with a new book? Or similar? If she doesn't go to bed on time all well she doesn't get to stay up later on the weekend?

MillionToOneChances · 12/02/2017 20:54

Decide what you're going to do, ideally with agreement from her, obtained during a daytime meeting, and stick to it.

If she has to stay in bed, take her back 100 times without comment if you have to. Don't keep letting her shift the boundaries. Don't keep improvising ('ok, in the lounge, then') - decide what your boundaries are in advance and stick to them.

SweepTheHalls · 12/02/2017 20:55

Take her to bed. Repeat. Smile

Wolfiefan · 12/02/2017 20:55

You want her in her room. So return her to her room. Don't ask her if she's ready to go up yet. You've said it is time so it's time. Just keep taking her back to bed.

2410ang · 12/02/2017 20:56

What luxuries does she have? TV in her room? Tablet? She stays in bed or they get taken away 1 by 1 and put on the naughty shelf.

The threat of that is enough in our house!

Looking forward to the teenage years 😭 I have 2 DD's, 7 and 4. 7 year old also starting to REALLY push the boundaries but totally knows when she's treading on think ice xx

abbsisspartacus · 12/02/2017 20:58

Rabbit who wants to go to sleep audio book on repeat

DJBaggySmalls · 12/02/2017 21:00

Does she have a teddy? She has to emotionally bond to it to use it to stay in her room.

Lflossy88 · 12/02/2017 21:00

When Dd1 started refusing to stay in bed we did the super nanny bedtime.

  1. Put DD in bed, read a book, say goodnight, leave
  2. When DD gets out of bed say "it's bed time (name)" take back to bed.
  3. When she gets out of bed again do not talk to her or give eye contact just take back to bed and leave (repeat as many times as necessary).

It wasn't easy, many a tantrum ensued, but after 3-4 nights she stopped getting out of bed.

Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 12/02/2017 21:02

Thank you.... she is back up now and has conned another story out of dh... But at least she is up there and it is the first time of putting down of foot so I guess we can't expect miracles.

I LOVE supernanny!!

Nomorechickens you really cracked me up this has been the story of my life! I have had to work on my laptop ( i try to do a couple of hours in the evening) with the screen turned down to barely visible while she snuggles down next to me, victorious 😭

Rabbit wants to go to sleep is really good Abbssis. Tonight we did animal ark so maybe that was a bit to exciting

OP posts:
Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 12/02/2017 21:04

2410 yes she has a tablet, no tv. I have to wrestle the tablet off her honestly it's pathetic. Supernanny would have her head in her hands.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 12/02/2017 21:04

I think you may need to write off a couple of nights and just keep taking her back upstairs, relentlessly.

Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 12/02/2017 21:06

Thanks Trifle. she totally has her dad wrapped around her little finger it's really hard. But tonight I said to him that he will have to do the returning to bed because I could not trust myself to keep cool!

You're right Wolfie, there is way too much discussion about these things

OP posts:
kissmethere · 12/02/2017 21:10

But you haven't meant it really when you've given her a book. It's not lights out and stay in your room anymore. You've given her more awake time.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 12/02/2017 21:10

Wow, sorry my DS pushes boundaries and can be rude but it sounds like you have been unbelievably soft to allow this sort of behaviour. DS wouldn't dream of coming down, plonking himself on the sofa and refusing to move, then sticking his tongue out! She sounds like a little madam tbh. She's 7 not 2. More than old enough to know to stay in bed. And she has got the result she wanted, another story and more attention from daddy. Nothing has been achieved tonight.

When my DD (who is younger) tries to refuse to stay in her room, I will hold the door handle to prevent her coming out when she pleases. Then I will dump her back on her bed and very quietly but very firmly lean close to her and tell her that she will not be getting up at all and I won't have this behaviour. It's the quiet, calmness but with a very firm tone that seems to work with this.

Fairenuff · 12/02/2017 21:10

You are confusing her. You say one thing and do another. You will never sort it like this.

gamerchick · 12/02/2017 21:10

Take away the book. Tell her she's not allowed to go to bed and ignore her.

omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 12/02/2017 21:11

I usually turn off all the lounge, corridor, kitchen lights and take the laptop to bed with DH.

She wants a fight and your attention. You need to make the house as boring and quiet and dark as possible and ignore her. Sit in bed with some wine and a book.

In such circumstances mine always go very quiet after a while of getting nowhere. Then they apologise. Then they go to bed easily.

Cherrysoup · 12/02/2017 21:12

Absolutely no talking to her when she does this, just hand held and take her back up. Repeatedly. You and her dad have got to be in absolute agreement, no smiling at her, no laughing because it's funny. She's at an age when she understands. Any tongue sticking out/other poor reaction=removal of tablet or other. Maybe she's allowed half an hour on the tablet (can she tell the time? If not, timer set to 30, nice and clear) then go up, remove.

TheOnlyColditz · 12/02/2017 21:14

Lock up, flip all the fuses off and go to bed. Leave her to sit in the dark in a silent sleeping house.

MrsTarzan1 · 12/02/2017 21:17

I'm surprised she is behaving like this at 7, it's behaviour of a toddler IMO!

No idea how you fix this now - sorry not much help!

user1477282676 · 12/02/2017 21:18

My DD did similar and it ended with her regularly falling asleep on the sofa! We had to break that and it was even harder.

Wolfiefan · 12/02/2017 21:19

No discussion.
Wrestle the tablet away? Ask for it. If she says no then it's a ban.
One more book. No. That was the last one.
You and DH need to be a united front.

SnugglyBedSocks · 12/02/2017 21:19

Omg she certainly is the alpha female in your home!