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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To shut her in the front room

222 replies

shesgrownhorns · 12/02/2017 20:47

Dd has been an absolute little madam recently. She's been pushing the boundaries for a while now, which is normal I suppose and I'm a very easy going mum but I've had enough of the bed hopping, endless long goodnights, etc. She's 7 almost 8. I've put my foot down and decided that enough is enough. When I say enough is enough I simply mean that one story plus a few chapters of an audio book plus endless cuddles is enough and she's just got to stay in her own bed when it's lights out.

Dd was not happy with this change in routine and has been downstairs and planted herself defiantly on the sofa for about 8 times. Poor dh has taken her back up only to be immediately followed back down.

In the end I've just asked him to stick her in the front room, and tell her not to come out. Of course she came out. I put her back in and gave her a book of the book shelf and told her stay in there and read that if you're so wide awake.

I looked in on her and asked if she was ready to go up yet and she just looked up from the book she was pretending to read and stuck her tongue out at me.

I'm thinking the next port of call if this fails is the cellar, or maybe out on the front step.

Not really, but you might know where I'm coming from....

AIBU and if I am, what should I do?????

OP posts:
user1477282676 · 12/02/2017 21:19

Perhaps she needs a later bedtime. I remember being awake in the dark for HOURS as a child because my bedtime was too early. Perhaps let her read herself to sleep. She's seven not three.

Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 12/02/2017 21:19

Wow! This is fascinating and very empowering please keep it coming!

OP posts:
Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 12/02/2017 21:20

Alpha female is true 😧

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 12/02/2017 21:20

I think you change tactic.

Agree with her a bedtime routine. Then stick to it. I say agree because actually you might find out why she is acting as she is.

Does she want more attention? Is she scared of the dark?

PoptartPoptart · 12/02/2017 21:21

At 8 years old I would be telling her in no uncertain terms that her behaviour is not acceptable. She's not a toddler who needs constant returning to bed by an adult!
It's bedtime, go to your bedroom and stay there or there will be consequences. She is old enough to understand this.
Then you must follow through with the consequence, no screen time, park, party, whatever she will care about losing the next day.
From what you've said, she sounds incredibly defiant and is totally playing you. It's a game to her and at the moment it sounds like she's winning op.
Be strong, stay firm and follow through with consequences every time. She should soon get the message.

Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 12/02/2017 21:23

She's not scared of the dark she was pretending to be i think, because after xmas when she got a tablet she suddenly had a breakthrough and told us to go downstairs. we were elated. turns out she just wanted to play on the tablet!

The penny's dropping now ..

OP posts:
citybushisland · 12/02/2017 21:24

No tablet post tea time, one story and then lights out, keep taking her back, all else fails, turn out all the lights in the house and go to bed yourselves. Don't engage in discussions about fairness etc, don't engage at all after lights out. Not going to be easy most children try it on when they first go into a bed from a cot and they are a lot easier to control then. I wish you luck and send you a virtual Wine

JustCallMeKate · 12/02/2017 21:26

Jesus Christ she's 7 and should be able to go to bed and stay there. I've no sympathy OP you and your DP are the ones who've allowed this behaviour and your now mosnong about it? As for sticking her tongue out, well, call me harsh but no way would I have tolerated this, its cheeky and disrespectful IMO. The words rod and back come to mind.

Liiinoo · 12/02/2017 21:27

It really doesn't matter what your family rules are. Different times/regimes etc will suit different parents and children. The only thing that matters is consistency. If you say X will happen, it cannot be negotiable. If you say there will be consequences you have to follow through. And it shouldn't become a drama. ATM you have the tail wagging the dog and if you don't stop it now it will become worse and worse.

So agree the bedtime regime. Write it down. Stick to it. No messing. And if you have to take the tablet away do it.

Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 12/02/2017 21:27

She's not keen on getting up in the morning either. Ds is no problem and gets up at 7am on his own. Dd is still grumbling at 8am.

Should I make her get up?

The alternative is that she gets up and is sweetness and light. I then feel terrible enforcing any consequences :(

OP posts:
JustCallMeKate · 12/02/2017 21:27

Moaning not mosnong.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 12/02/2017 21:27

Lots of self-satisfied judgements on OP's parenting and her DD's behaviour. Pat yourselves on the back for being wonderful parents. Well done OP for taking it on the chin. Believe me I'm not 'soft' and I can imagine my DD trying this one at some point in the future.

Ipsomatic · 12/02/2017 21:28

It might be a good idea to just ban all screen time completely and possibly remove chocolate entirely from her diet at the same time to see if things calm down. My son and several of his friends have this rule (up to age 10) and it really seems to tame them incredibly quickly. For some reason the chocolate and screen time makes them impossible.

Original poster
shesgrownhorns · 12/02/2017 21:30

Thanks Jennifer and all of you. She's the youngest, we have babied her as ds (one year older) is a typical dismissive older brother and she adores him, so we overcompensate. It is hard (hope that doesn't sound too self pitying)

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 12/02/2017 21:33

Straight talking and both of you follow it through. I agree with others a 7 year old really shouldn't be doing this, she knows exactly how much she's acting up and that it's not on.

I'd take the tablet off her, no discussions and lock it away. Etc. until she behaves.

Next door neighbour has this similar with her 5 and a half year old DD, who likes her sitting outside her bedroom on a chair every night and not to move, I think she's sorted it now but really?! Hmm

Crumbs1 · 12/02/2017 21:37

It you have t laid the law down and stuck to it. You gave in - mistake. Assertive voice, clear expectations and stick to them. Reward if meets expectations, sanctions if not. Maybe a week of settling in room without all the silliness gets a new quilt cover that is a bit more 'grown up' or new pjs.

Wolfiefan · 12/02/2017 21:39

Should I make her get up?
YOU make the rules. You decide.

PuntCuffin · 12/02/2017 21:40

Keep the tablet downstairs, never in her room (which is good practice anyway) and turned off at least an hour before bedtime. At 7 years, you should be in charge of screen time, not her and should not be having to wrestle with her (I have a 7yo screen addict so I do understand).
We have to leave for school by 7.45am so the idea of a child still in bed at 8am is alien to me. I'd wake her up and if she complains about being tired, remind her about how she messed around this evening.

Wolfiefan · 12/02/2017 21:41

You feel terrible enforcing consequences?
That's the job of a parent Confused

treaclesoda · 12/02/2017 21:41

When I had my first child I would have been Hmm as well at a 7 year old or indeed a 5 year old who wouldn't stay in bed.

But my 5 year old is now one of those children. We've tried the super nanny return to bed thing, repeatedly, and he can keep it up for hours. You can put him to bed at 7.30 and still be wordlessly returning him to bed at 1am. Night after night.

We've done reward charts, he doesn't care. He has had every privilege under the sun removed from him; tablet, TV, toys, days out, play dates, everything. He still gets out of bed. None of those things mean as much to him as having company at bedtime.

I don't know what the answer is, but it's not always the case that it's just ineffective discipline.

SuperFlyHigh · 12/02/2017 21:44

Yes agreed with Crumbs though maybe make it after a fortnight. She's got to be told grown up, reward etc.

But also not to be so rude and to play on your emotions and that her behaviour if it's cute etc gets reactions. She needs to realise you need your downtime to work, relax etc and she needs her bedtime to sleep.

Would a proper bedtime routine work? From what I've heard and try to stick to it, no electronic devices eg tablet, phone etc 1 hour before bedtime/sleep and as it appears she has the tablet up until she sleeps so if so no wonder she finds it hard to switch off and go to sleep.

Starlight2345 · 12/02/2017 21:44

If you love supernanny can you watch some on catch up.. It was on the other night...

All I will say you and DH decide a stratergy and stick to it..

She likes things the way they are so will do what she can to restored the status quo.

Set her bedtime routine. whatever it is.teeth, pj's how many books, kiss cuddle and mum and dad will not talk to you till morning. or what variations work for you as a family.

UnbornMortificado · 12/02/2017 21:47

We put DD in her bedroom for a time out. She's not as bad now but at the time her behaviour was appalling (she's 4 now) it was a support worker who advised us to do this.

Gives her 10 minutes to calm down and usually she calms down and apologises.

SuperFlyHigh · 12/02/2017 21:47

treacle your DS sounds similar to my neighbour's DD.

No idea what to do but do you think control is part of the problem? Eg if I can carry this game on for hours I (The child) have the control?

My neighbour literally isn't allowed or wasn't allowed to move from her chair outside her DD's bedroom until her DD went to sleep. However now neighbour has a 5 month old and stopped work last summer maybe it's improved.

hiccupgirl · 12/02/2017 21:48

DS is 7 and is pushing every boundary he can find at the moment. I am def not a pushover (although DH is) and he knows I mean it when there's a consequence. Even so, we are having some frankly shocking behaviour on and off. I seem to be constantly having to remind him he is 7 not 3.

I've put his bedtime back as he was going up at 7.30 but not going to sleep until 9pm. He then wanted lots of attention as he was bored. He's now not getting into bed until after 8 and has an audio book then time for lights off at 8.45am. I know it sounds late but he just doesn't go to sleep any earlier.

I'm finding it a hard age tbh as he's very grown up in lots of ways but so little in others. It's difficult getting a balance between allowing him more freedom and say in things but still staying in charge.

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