To shut her in the front room

[shesgrownhorns]

Dd has been an absolute little madam recently. She's been pushing the boundaries for a while now, which is normal I suppose and I'm a very easy going mum but I've had enough of the bed hopping, endless long goodnights, etc. She's 7 almost 8. I've put my foot down and decided that enough is enough. When I say enough is enough I simply mean that one story plus a few chapters of an audio book plus endless cuddles is enough and she's just got to stay in her own bed when it's lights out.

Dd was not happy with this change in routine and has been downstairs and planted herself defiantly on the sofa for about 8 times. Poor dh has taken her back up only to be immediately followed back down.

In the end I've just asked him to stick her in the front room, and tell her not to come out. Of course she came out. I put her back in and gave her a book of the book shelf and told her stay in there and read that if you're so wide awake.

I looked in on her and asked if she was ready to go up yet and she just looked up from the book she was pretending to read and stuck her tongue out at me.

I'm thinking the next port of call if this fails is the cellar, or maybe out on the front step.

Not really, but you might know where I'm coming from....

AIBU and if I am, what should I do?????

Why does she want to come down?

Thank you. I'm knackered so I'm off to bed now (half an hour with dh that's all)

I'll be stronger tomorrow!

super he is just really afraid of being on his own. He went to bed ok when he was much younger but something spooked him and upset him one night and that was that.

He gets absolutely hysterical when we try to force it, and as we live in a semi we can't subject the neighbours to five or six hours of hysterics at night on a long term basis. If you say to him 'either you stay in bed on your own or no tv for a week' he will answer that he chooses you staying. And he accepts the no TV. Same with everything we've tried. He says that he prefers to accept the consequences than to stay in his room alone.

Oh god please don't tell me I still won't be sleeping when I have a 7yo, the baby is bad enough!!!

Hope you get a decent night shesgrown. Just to say don't feel alone as we're also having issues with our soon to be 8yo dd- total madam and throwing toddler-esque tantrums (stamping feet, screaming, slamming doors the moment she doesn't get her own way) so you're not the only one! My other 2 don't behave in the same way so I can't work out what I'm getting so wrong.....dreading teenage years😁

Op I am soft as anything too, hate doing anything that will make them unhappy. However, I also know working in a school, that I don't want a child only a mother could like and everyone else finds spoilt so I make myself do it. She's yours and daddy's little princess of cause but ultimately I think the biggest favour you can do for her. is try and nip stuff like this in the bud.

Agree consistency is key.

Another suggestion would be that you guys put all of the lights of downstairs and leave her in the dark on her own if she refuses to go to bed.

It's pretty cold and lonely sitting in the living room once everyone has gone to bed.

So far, our kids haven't pushed the boundaries but it will come.

My mum's motto was always "make staying awake scarier than any nightmares or monsters under the bed"-I'm not too damaged, honest

My dd started doing this and I stopped it by sitting outside her room, and not ever letting her get past her bedroom door. I think that them getting as far as downstairs, wakes them up, is more exciting and gets parents more annoyed as you feel like you're being disturbed in 'adult time'. Stopping them at their bedroom door and returning straight to bed is really boring for a child, and I didn't have to do it for long or many nights for it to work. Definitely have a book/tablet/laptop so you're not too bored/frustrated while you wait though:-)

It's control that she wants, so give her a little bit of control over the bedtime routine and she will comply easily. What she is reacting to is having No Control and being dictated to by some one.
So always give her a Choice in relation to some small aspect of it. So if the light has to go off at 8pm then tell her it goes off at 7.50, then she can have 'an extra five minutes' if you stay up here like we said, etc.
Leave room to negotiate something small, so she feels she has control. With a child like this, it is getting nowhere to start inflicting more severe control as it just escalates the situation and helps nothing.

Can't you lie with her until she falls asleep? Maybe she's craving attention?

There's really no need to over complicate it. Tell her in the day that from now on you're not talking to her between bedtime she morning. Stick to it.

Tell her it's one chapter if she sits nicely and listens then bed.

If she gets up, return her. Every tenth return tell her you're not talking as it's time to sleep now.

Oh my gosh I don't envy you OP. She is nearly 8 and she's behaving like this? Why?! Sounds like you have been too soft since she was born, and now you're paying the price. Is she the only one? As a few people have said, she is behaving like a 3 year old, not a child of almost 8. Imagine how she is going to be as a teenager?

I don't envy you, I think you have a battle on your hands here. I would literally be yelling at her to get the hell back upstairs, or you'll kick her f-cking arse. LOL. I'm not an advocate of aggression towards children, but it sounds like she needs a few short shrifts.

I agree that maybe a reward chart may be the way to go... She can earn stars for good behaviour (get some from The works or something,) and for every 20 or 30 stars she gets, she gets to pick a toy - up to the value of £5.00.

Something like that........

Then I will dump her back on her bed and very quietly but very firmly lean close to her and tell her that she will not be getting up

Nice.

Some kids are good at going to bed. Some aren't. Smug parents often realise this when they suddenly have a child who struggles to settle and sleep after having one who can.

TheFlying definitely the case for me. Two children, both have had the same boundaries, neither have been allowed to dictate to us yet one of them has always complied and one doesn't respond at all to reasoning, rewards or punishments.

Bedtimes have caused issues for us in the past but we seem to be coming out of the other side. This is what works for us:

• lots and lots of warning about how long is left until bedtime ("okay DS, that's tea eaten so you can watch two programmes on your kindle then it's bed","how long is left on that programme? Remember, one more and it's bed", "bed in five minutes sweetheart')
• choices where possible ("these pjs or these ones?" "this book or this one?")
• when he really really Is Not Sleepy he can play quietly in his room. If he disturbs us, disturbs his brother or comes downstairs

My mum gave me a punishment I can still vividly remember to this day 30 years later for refusing to go to bed. I never refused ever again. It was child cruelty though.

The kitchen was in the basement. There was a door out to the cellar. It had a howling draft under it. My room was on the ground floor, my sister's room was in the basement off the kitchen. I was in my PJs (don't remember age 5-8). I refused to go to bed. My mum dragged me to the door and told me I would be spending the night there in the corner. She then got into my bed. Every time I tried to go to bed I was dragged back to the door, kicking and screaming. I climbed into my sister's bed and was dragged back to the door repeatedly. Eventually my dad came home and went apeshit at my mum. My mum refused to get out of my bed and slept there all night. I had to share my parent's bed with my dad. She took it way too far and it was freezing cold, which was child cruelty but I learnt my lesson.

Posted too soon

If he disturbs us we assume that he's tired and he gets put in bed with a quick kiss and goodnight. He knows that he gets one chance. He might play lego for five minutes or an hour but he can only disturb us once (to tell us he's ready for bed)

I hope that helps!

Agree super nanny approach

Take back to room and repeat as many time
Also make sure daddy is supportive and you both do the same things or pointless

One idea that is a bit "out there" that my friend did with her DS when he refused to go to bed

On the first day of holiday let him stay up as long as he liked, all night if he wanted, but the only rule was that he had to get up in morning and wasn't allowed to sleep or nap during day

All electrical items were removed or battery or their cables so they couldn't be used during night

It worked cos he then realised how awful it felt to function on lack of sleep

The rest of family completely ignored him and just did their own thing during evening and went to bed at their usual time

After that night he went to bed without any arguments at time decided by parents

Good luck OP I think you have been given some great advice on here hope some of it works. I would just say you and DH decide on rules write them down on paper and stick to fridge so she knows what the rules are that you and DH are going to stick to

No stories. No communication. No hugs. Nothing. Put her to bed once and when she comes down just ignore her. Talk to your dh and that's it. Then decide you're going to have an early night and ask her to switch off the lights when she goes to bed.

Ds1 went though a little phase like this and he was 9 so no judgment from me. There can be a multitude of reasons why they suddenly revert to toddler behaviour but it does sound like you're a little soft on her. When ds did it we just said ok you can muck about down here but we are going to bed and start locking up and turning everything off. I think only once did we ever actually get into bed the rest he caves and goes up to bed.
We have 3 dc and all have had different bedtime routines because they have all been different. Dd was always off to bed early. Even at 13 she can't stay up late so she takes herself off when she is tired, don't take her phone off her either because she turns it off and leaves it on her shelf every night anyway after her last chat with her friend. Reads for a bit and goes off to sleep. Ds2 has everything taken off him before bed and tv turned off because he would stay up all night watching it. He needs to be told when it's bedtime and have a lights out. Ds1 apart from that little blip will sometimes have a game on his xbox or whatever and then goes off to sleep himself. He's never had a 'bedtime' even when small because he would fall asleep at 7pm on the dot wherever we were he was the portable baby we all hear about.
It may just be a case of find out what works for your Dd but be consistent.

Rufus, as horrible as it sounds, a seemingly cruel thing that will kick the child into touch, is sometimes the only way to deal with these little shits.

I know this won't go down very well, but like you, I was being a naughty little shit for weeks, and my father (normally placid) had had it with me, and he (unbeknownst to me,) popped a wee lock on the spare bedroom door; he then bunged a sleeping bag, a bottle of water, and a potty in there.

Later that night when I was playing up (I was about 5 btw,) he DRAGGED me upstairs by my hair and threw me in that room with nothing in there except general crap like old rolls of wallpaper, old clothes, a few old paintings etc, and this sleeping bag, water, and potty, and he locked me in. There was no light. (Though I did get the light from the streetlights.)

I shat my fucking load and screamed for about half an hour. LET ME OUT!! LET ME OUT!!! They ignored me. I was there til 8am.

I was surprisingly well behaved for a long time then. And when I DID play up, my father said 'want a night in the spare room?' And I would put my head down, and shut up and behave.

My friend's father was worse. He threatened to have her sent away to the children's home and said she's never see her family (or the dog) again if she didn't behave. Harsh LOL. Made her behave though.

I certainly wouldn't advocate child cruelty, but a short sharp shock like this is what some children need!

She is 8 she knows right from wrong. Ur the adult she is the child. Take away her tablet. My reasoning would be well u domt stay in bed ur acting like a toddler, toddlers dnt have tablets. Simple. Bedtime story? No, not until u learn to actually stay in bed. Because unless u do its just story time /playtime. And if that dont work then take her toys. No pudding for a week. Or sweets and treats. Stick to it

My 7,nearly 8 year old sounds very similar.

Has had trouble sleeping for some time. We have tried the nice route,the sympathetic route,the do everything we can to relax route and are also at the end of our tether now!

Basically I think routine is key. We don't have any electronic devices in bedrooms. She has a bath,a massage,does some breathing techniques. Then she is allowed to read. Most of the time by ten mins she has snuck down and is watching what we are watching,or blabbering/time wasting!! There lies the problem. Sometimes we listen,let her watch something,give her a little extra time etc etc. I think this confuses her.

She goes off to sleep so much better if we are strict,tell her what's coming,give 5 minute warnings and then take her up, repeatedly putting her back in bed if needed. Admittedly she still doesn't sleep through but if you are consistent hopefully she will eventually know the drill. Good luck!

Super nanny approach doesn't work for my spirited child.

I just have to turn all the lights off in communal areas on the odd night when mine play up.

I couldn't bring myself to put locks on doors. It seems quite inappropriate somehow.