To shut her in the front room

[shesgrownhorns]

Dd has been an absolute little madam recently. She's been pushing the boundaries for a while now, which is normal I suppose and I'm a very easy going mum but I've had enough of the bed hopping, endless long goodnights, etc. She's 7 almost 8. I've put my foot down and decided that enough is enough. When I say enough is enough I simply mean that one story plus a few chapters of an audio book plus endless cuddles is enough and she's just got to stay in her own bed when it's lights out.

Dd was not happy with this change in routine and has been downstairs and planted herself defiantly on the sofa for about 8 times. Poor dh has taken her back up only to be immediately followed back down.

In the end I've just asked him to stick her in the front room, and tell her not to come out. Of course she came out. I put her back in and gave her a book of the book shelf and told her stay in there and read that if you're so wide awake.

I looked in on her and asked if she was ready to go up yet and she just looked up from the book she was pretending to read and stuck her tongue out at me.

I'm thinking the next port of call if this fails is the cellar, or maybe out on the front step.

Not really, but you might know where I'm coming from....

AIBU and if I am, what should I do?????

I don't see what difference that makes wits

Really? The disrespect for children oozing through all these awful posts about banning them from getting up after bedtime, no conversation, tell at them, leave them in the dark, lock their rooms (ignoring the two horribly abusive posts) don't scream disrespect to you? Because they do to me. I wouldn't treat a non sentient animal like that, let alone my child.

Ignore the poor phrasing of that overly long sentence, I wish there was an edit function!

I don't think so wits no - kids need more sleep than adults do. It's my job as a parent to make sure my baby gets the sleep he needs.

I wouldn't lock his room but I kept his night feeds quiet, dark and boring from very very early on. If he wakes now he gets comforted but he stays in his bed and it stays dark.

A 7 y old is more than capable of 1) knowing it's bedtime and time to sleep and 2) arsing about on purpose. I used to do it all the time.

That would be insulting scruff if it wasn't so hilariously stupid and ill informed. Mu Dd has adhd. She is a sweet lovely girl who is really well behaved and has very involved parents. Or have I made a huge mistaken with her somewhere and not her nt brothers? Did I just discipline them better. Should I drag her by the hair and lock her in a room to just discipline it out of her?
And just for reference I'd rather have fucked up my parenting somewhere than have her living with the consequences of adhd every day at school.

With all due respect, your child is still a baby. That is very different to a 7 year old. Of course they need more sleep than an adult, but they are sentient beings with thoughts, feelings and desires of their own. You can't expect to just control them, and nor should you want to IMO.

You have to control them to some extent wits otherwise you'd end up with the TV on all day, no bedtime, chocolate for dinner etc

That's the job of a parent surely.

littlescruff you're referring to children as 'these little shits' and advocating cruel behaviour. I sincerely hope you don't have children.

ATruthUniversally do you mean your kids aren't allowed to talk or interact with you until they're ready for bed?

Do you still have a baby monitor or can you borrow one, she may have issues that she is trying to sleep but can't settle? My toddler recently went through a house move and previously was almost perfect at going to sleep in the cot, now she needs me with her to sleep, but I can also see she is wriggling about mortgage and trying and failing to settle as easily, 3 weeks and she is getting better. Has your daughter gone through a change at school, is she still friends with same people etc?

I know this won't go down well either, but in the days I grew up (I was born in the early 1970's,) discipline was a bit stricter, but no child had ADHD in those days! Make of THAT what you will.

What I make of that is that you know nothing at all about ADHD.

Scruff I think you are being quite horrible with your assessment of ADHD. My friends little girl has it and her behaviour is fantastic. It is not as simple as naughty little children and excuse making adults. Ignorant and stupid. Also I know you love your dad that's nice but it was abuse plain and simple whether you feel you can accept it or not.

Use the tablet as leverage. If she doesn't stay in bed she doesn't get the tablet the next day. Also, don't speak to her other than saying "bed now"...

Be firm, stick to your word. Remember, she is the child and you are the parent. She should not be calling the shots.

Make a visual bedtime timetable. In which she gets rewarded. Give her 20 minute warning before its bedtime.

No tablet at bedtime.

We've always done it where a set time, 7:30-8 is bedtime. This doesn't mean they have to sleep, but they have to stay in their rooms an entertain themselves there. DS would have writing & drawing stuff plus a few books when he was 8, DD just has books and a few dolls to keep her entertained.

You make it clear to the children that bedtime is adult time, if they are good maybe at a weekend or in the holidays they can stay up a bit longer one night, but they have to behave in the day & whilst they are up.

It's worked well for us, we can hear them pottering about upstairs, but mostly they're in bed, so if they get out of bed we'll shout upstairs is everything ok. There's also a rule where neither can enter the others room or try & interact with each other.

It works better than saying go to sleep. If they stay up till 10pm for example they'll learn the hard way, so they go to bed the next day and sleep.

As with all discipline with children OP, you need to first understand what you want to achieve. You will be faced with much more difficult situations as she grows up and if she is used to defying you now, that isn't going to change by itself.

Remember, a parent should give their child what they need, not what they want. They are often very different things. All children push boundaries. They do it to feel safe. Your job is to hold those boundaries in place.

You should also be in full control of the situation. A child that tries to take control only does so because no-one else is. It can be a sign of insecurity so make sure you take charge and be firm and consistent.

It's also worth remembering that not every child actually needs 12 hours sleep. Our bedtimes, and daytime behaviour, got a lot better when we just accepted that ds didn't actually need to go to bed at 7.30 as he wasn't tired.

treacle just seen your reply to me!

That's slightly different if something has spooked him but I suppose you've probably gone through all the "it's not there, don't be afraid etc" and the night lights part.

My DB for what it's worth actually did see things (hallucinations) because of strong asthma meds when we were children that had that side effect. I can't recall how it stopped but he also sleep walked sometimes. I think he had hypnosis as he wet the bed too. This sounds terrible but isn't meant to! Anyway in the end he went to sleep, had to have nightlight etc.

For your child I suppose a combo of being firm and reassurance would work but I'm not sure. Like I said I think to do with the bed wetting my mum tried hypnosis maybe that'd work on your son, I think it helped my DB. Hope it gets better in time.

Wake her up at 7.30 daily regardless daily. You need her body clock to shift to an earlier routine sleep wise. Consistency is key and it worked with mine.

Also no tablet if she goes to bed badly.

If she goes to bed well, she can have an hour and a half a day. No more and not after tea.

Give her a torch and some books instead at bedtime.

No tablets for an hour before bedtime. They really interrupt sleep patterns.

I agree treacle some children don't need as much sleep as others.

On an aside, I recall single dad friend with 3 girls (at one time all were under 10) who all shared a room at one point. It was chaotic as 1 girl wanted to stay up and bounce around etc. then dad got bunk beds, a more relaxing room next to the garden (and part of the house, their old bedroom faced a noisyish street) and also darker wallpaper, darker curtains, glow in the dark stars etc. the eldest got her own room. It's really helped and they have more routine and sense of defined spaces. Before it tended to be the eldest who'd either boss round or try to keep the peace. They also have hot chocolate, quiet time and no tablet time an hour or so before bed!

I think their stepmum moving in and having a baby meant she put or worked with their dad more structure into their bedtime routine but also them getting along more as SM had a baby who's now a toddler.

Jiggly I notice that if I use tablets or phones near to my bedtime I feel still "switched on" so I try to avoid and read a calming or not too exciting/violent/thought provoking book before bed.

And I also drink camomile tea at night. Don't know if camomile works for kids...

Too many lame parents, and too many fluffy snowflake parents these days. That's the problem. And that's why so many children have 'ADHD' - aka the personality disorder that manifests because of poor discipline, no boundaries, not letting your children know who's boss, not being arsed to pay much attention to your children, or letting your children get away with murder. (and quite often most - or all of the above Back in the 1970's/early 1980's, when I was a child; a disruptive, badly behaved child was a rarity; now they're commonplace, and they all have 'ADHD.' hmm

Heh you are aware the above view just makes you sound a bit thick don't you?

I got that in Tesco recently when my kid had a shitfit. Apparently autism didn't exist 'back in their day' either and I'm as far from an applauding parent you can get.

There is a line between being cruel and showing your kids they don't rule the roost. It can be hard for some parents to recognise the age it needs nipping in the bud so it doesn't grow into a beast.

It doesn't matter, they all become equal usually with a few exceptions when they hit the teens and they love their bed.

I was at primary school in the early 80s. There were loads of disruptive kids, sometimes lashing out with violent behaviour. I'm always amazed when people say that that sort of thing didn't exist 'in their day' because it definitely did when I was at primary school.

The difference was that teachers were allowed to use physical discipline so they got smacked with a metre long ruler in front of the class as a warning to us all. And then the next day they did the same thing and got smacked again. Some of them were battered black and blue.

With hindsight I can see that presumably some of them had what would now be diagnosed as ADHD or something like that. And the kids in my children's school who have ADHD are given special support, taught coping mechanisms etc. And their behaviour is a hell of a lot better than the kids in my day who got heavy handed discipline.