To not use my mum who wants to provide childcare?

[Revving5]

I really don't know if it's unreasonable of me

DS is going to nursery for 3 days a week (he's 1) while I'm at work. My mum is absolutely gutted and says that she wants to look after him, I'm really grateful for this, but I really want him to experience what the nursery can offer (healthy meals, the correct stimulation, interacting with strangers, learning to play with children his age, etc.) I just think it sets him up well.

We go and see my mum all the time in the week (I see her pretty much every day with DS, so it's not like she doesn't see him) and she kindly has him if I have a doctor appointment, etc. and as lovely as it is that they spend time together, I don't really want it for those 3 days too, not saying she doesn't do a good job!! She's a great nan, but I just worry that it's not like nursery at all.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?

Of course not

Read a few threads here where people have problems with "free" childcare that has so many strings attached and you can't object to most of what they do because it's free. At least with a nursery you're the paying customer and they are accountable

Yanbu but if she took him to lots of baby groups etc and did alot with him one to one that can be much more beneficial than a nursery.

If she really want to look after him and you are happy for him to go there, why doesn't she have him for one day and then he goes to nursery for the other two? I have loads of friends who have done this.

No. It's 3 days and as you say may be good for him.

Plus you don't have to factor in your caregiver being ill or anything else that might crop up.

Could you give her a day another part of the week? It's good when there's someone who can hold the fort if by chance you can't.

Tell her you would love her to look after him. Arrange an evening out or (when you feel he's old enough) a weekend away. Schedule dates for her to have him.

I think that is fine :) stop worrying

Not like nursery at all. Much better. She'll give him healthy meals, take him to playgroups, play with him, take him to the park, give him one to one attention when he needs it and lots of cuddles.
And when he's 3 yo he'll go to nursery. That's when he'll benefit from it. Before that it's just childcare in an institution.

Yes but you'd feel bad asking for babysitting and covering those docs appts and looking after him when he was sick so you could still work if she was committed to the 3 days on top. YANBU. She'll be delighted to help you out on an ad hoc basis this way.

How about you tell her that you would prefer them to have a gc/gm relationship not a care giver one? Nursery can do the everyday stuff and she can do the special gm things when you spend time together.

She doesn't take him to baby groups, etc. they stay in, maybe the odd visit to the park. As much as I have no issue with him going to her, she does want to do things her way, I don't normally have a problem but if he'll be there 3 days, I probably would begin to.

I take him to play groups on the days I don't work!

Just childcare in an institution?
Oh behave yourself.

You're turning down free one to one care with someone he knows that loves him and you can trust 100% for 'healthy meals' and 'the correct stimulation'?

I agree, if he's poorly, she would be happy to have him, she would also enjoy grandmother/grandson days out more I think.

He's 1? I'd take her up on the offer, unless there's some huge back story as to why you don't want her to. 1 is still so little, too little to benefit from any of the things you've mentioned as nursery plus points.

You're turning down free one to one care with someone he knows that loves him and you can trust 100% for 'healthy meals' and 'the correct stimulation'?

No she is turning down babysitting with strings attached.Plus they get much more out of a nursery that someone plonking them in front of the telly.

Ask her for 1 day,they you both win.

Of course he isn't too little t benefit from nursery! I also like that I'd get reviews from professionals on how he's doing, etc. and be properly told about his day. Not just lots of cooing and "we had lots of fun" while directing it at him. When really it was TV and mini celebrations. Which again, is fine when spending an hour together but not 3 days a week?

Maybe I am being unreasonable though... Seems like mixed opinions.

Maybe a bit exaggerated but I'm just trying to explain that at least I'd know about his day and it wasn't some kind of secret "that mummy would understand"

At that age I think a 1 to 1 option is much better. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with nursery. But really it is just childcare. When a child is 3 that's when they benefit from nursery. I would definitely take my mum up on this option or at least let her have 1 day a week! If you're worried about him mixing then ask her to take him to toddler groups. I work in childcare and I love seeing grandparents with their kids at playgroups. The bond is wonderful

*wouldnt

Why not let her have him one day (saving you a couple of hundred pound a month into the bargain) when he's of pre school age up it to the three days ?

There's no way I'd get her to a toddler group! "Pj days are much more comfortable and baby N enjoys those more than going out in the wet and cold"

He is to little to benefit from nursery, nursery will be fine, but one to one care for a one year old is better.

Yes, because being cared for by a 17 year old with 3 other DC to look after is much preferable to being at home with granny. Nursery has the EY framework whereas granny just has the experience of doing all that stuff as part of child rearing!