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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not to any of these things at my wedding

180 replies

Crowdblundering · 16/01/2017 21:36

I am going out on the piss for my hen do - one night in my home town not a week away costing all my friends millions.

I am not having a "theme" (other than getting married). I am not having bridesmaids, or a choreographed dance.

I plan to buy invites from WHSmith, not to send a "save the date" card.

To have a late afternoon wedding so we can just have a party after with our friends.

To not care what anyone else is wearing. To not have a really grabby wedding list - to not ban anything or anyone. To just invite who WE want to invite.

To not release doves, or have a photo booth.

To not spend £20,000 on one day of my life.

To not post on FB Every. Single. Day how many days are left until my wedding day.

AIBU? Should I be more Bridezillary?!

Please help me be more demanding and enter into the madness that getting married seems to be in these times 😆

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NashvilleQueen · 16/01/2017 21:41

Your can do whatever you like for your we'd and you definitely aren't being even slightly unreasonable. However you do come across as a bit condescending to those who do the things you aren't. Each to their own and all that.

NashvilleQueen · 16/01/2017 21:42

*For your wedding

Maverickismywingman · 16/01/2017 21:42

Good on you.

I know I'm not having bridesmaids.

TurnipCake · 16/01/2017 21:43

Sounds wonderful Grin

You're perfectly entitled to have a wedding that represents you as a couple.

I'm not having a hen, bridesmaids, theme, 'Mr & Mrs Hisname' bunting/wedding cake topper or a first dance. I don't begrudge anyone that does.

DJBaggySmalls · 16/01/2017 21:44

People might actually enjoy your wedding, I hope you have a lovely day Smile

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 16/01/2017 21:44

Your medal is in the post.

A non ostentatious plastic 'metal effect' medal. And 2nd class post obv.

TheProblemOfSusan · 16/01/2017 21:45

Do whatever you like! We had some of the traditional things and some not - I don't like the whole being given away like a parcel thing, for instance, but did end up in a big white dress.

Basically, you need you, your partner, witnesses and somewhere/someone to marry you.

If you are having guests, I'd give them some idea of what to expect from the day so if you're departing heavily from an expected order of stuff they'll be prepared - so if you're not doing food til 7 but it's a 2pm wedding they'll know to have a reasonable lunch.

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 16/01/2017 21:45

I just think it's all gone a bit crazy and it's crazy money. I am not being condescending.

Surely the bloody "theme" is the wedding?

And all the bloody dances that get shared on FB - if I had to witness one I would find it really really cringe.

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228agreenend · 16/01/2017 21:46

You do realise this is mumsnet, and a wedding thread, at the least, has to include demands for money, a poem, themed hen night at a spa hundreds of miles away, no children, ...

YABU!

( your wedding sounds fab)

SheldonCRules · 16/01/2017 21:46

Sounds perfect, more about the marriage than a big look at me party.

Stilitzvert · 16/01/2017 21:46

If that's what you want that's great but it doesn't make you any better or worse than anyone else or guarantee that your wedding is more or less good than anyone else's

MrsGsnow18 · 16/01/2017 21:47

Everyone wants different things and it's impossible to please everyone. Do what will make you and your partner happy not others!

nuttyknitter · 16/01/2017 21:47

Do what you please. Who cares?

ILiveForNachos · 16/01/2017 21:47

I've a similar wedding approach to you but don't give a shit about what anyone else's wedding is like. Your post's tone suggests yours is the way it should be done and everyone else is wrong... if that stuff makes them happy then good for them. I'd be asking myself why it bothered me so much.....

moogletea · 16/01/2017 21:47

Do it! I did similar - no 'hen do' just a bunch of mates for a meal. No bridesmaids. Hired the dress. Not because of lack of funds just because I wanted to celebrate the commitment being made rather than flap around on the fripperies. Your day, your choices. Enjoy Smile

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 16/01/2017 21:47

I wasn't aware I was in a competition 😂

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Buxtonstill · 16/01/2017 21:48

Each to their own. How undignified and nasty to sneer at others. I have seen various things as you have listed above at different weddings. Some of them would not be my choice but I don't feel the need to draw attention to myself by being Judgey on a public forum. You sound like a mean person.

LaurieMarlow · 16/01/2017 21:49

Do what you like. Enjoy.

You don't need MN to validate your choices.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 16/01/2017 21:49

What time is the wedding exactly? Im wondering how much food theyll be...

MirandaWest · 16/01/2017 21:50

Ours was pretty much like yours except I had bridesmaids - my DD and niece would have been sad otherwise. Didn't mention gifts at all. Got married at 3pm and had the reception in a marquee in our garden. Had 40 guests, no theme and couldn't care less what anyone wore.
Did have a first dance which DH and I practised once before Grin. And did send save the date cards so that people knew when it was in advance (got married in July).

Had a wonderful day and I hope you do too Smile

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 16/01/2017 21:50

I got my dress on Saturday and was met with a lot of cats bums mouths that I don't have a "theme" etc etc etc.

I have no issue with anyone who does I just think it's a bit sad it has to be this big circus and people almost "expect" all the other stuff.

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whyohwhy000 · 16/01/2017 21:50

Much better than poems asking for money. Grin

Pestopinenuts · 16/01/2017 21:51

Hmm well I had 4 people at my wedding but I didnt make a post to make others feel inferior for having a big one.
That is how I think your post os coming across...
Just do whatever makes you happy but dont say that other people's happy days are crap, not nice

NicknameUsed · 16/01/2017 21:51

I don't think you are being condescending. I love a good wedding thread and read most of them on MN. And given that most of them are about high expectations from the bridezilla about hen weeks away, themed outfits, grabby gift lists, etc etc I find your approach very refreshing.

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 16/01/2017 21:53

I was being a bit light hearted but clearly I forgot to put that in the title.

I am not sneering I am observing.

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