AIBU to not to any of these things at my wedding

[Crowdblundering]

I am going out on the piss for my hen do - one night in my home town not a week away costing all my friends millions.

I am not having a "theme" (other than getting married). I am not having bridesmaids, or a choreographed dance.

I plan to buy invites from WHSmith, not to send a "save the date" card.

To have a late afternoon wedding so we can just have a party after with our friends.

To not care what anyone else is wearing. To not have a really grabby wedding list - to not ban anything or anyone. To just invite who WE want to invite.

To not release doves, or have a photo booth.

To not spend £20,000 on one day of my life.

To not post on FB Every. Single. Day how many days are left until my wedding day.

AIBU? Should I be more Bridezillary?!

Please help me be more demanding and enter into the madness that getting married seems to be in these times 😆

MyWineTime

We are in the minority.

Please do you what you and your partner want to do. But please do not judge badly other people who have made other decisions than you. Every one is different. We all have different tastes.

Just because I think people are crazy to spend money on certain things that aren't for mean does not mean I am
"Judging".

That word gets bandied around here because someone has a different opinion.

I just don't know when it all got so complicated and competitive

But you're being just as competitive - competitive to have the most relaxed and least fussy wedding ever.

I really don't give a toss what sort of wedding people have, but to be so sneary over the choices of others isn't nice. It's their money, what does it have to do with you?

Your tone is definitely condescending. Once your day is over you may well look back at your list, which you seem to think makes you're having the perfect wedding in opposite to people who did do some of the things on your list, and regret not doing them. Don't judge until you've walked the path, (or down the aisle!) . If you really don't want the grand hoo-ha, then just enjoy your day, no need to create silly threads about it.

Scattymere

Hmm slightly ironic you are calling me condescending by being really erm condescending.

You mean like you are judging women who have a different opinion on what they like for weddings.

I'm so fed up with these "I'm not like other women" women, they are just so tiresome and horrid.

You do sound judgy OP, my wedding was me, dh and 2 witnesses and we all wore jeans, trainers and t

Now that's not giving a shit!

YANBU but you're not really that different either.

People do what suits them - and if it suits you to keep things low key and without all the add-ons, then that's great! That's more or less what we did too (although couldn't have an afternoon wedding on the only date we could realistically do it, as all the registry office afternoon times were gone - had to be a morning time instead).

Who gave you the cats bums, OP? Sounds a bit unsupportive! Do your family approve of your wedding plans?

I didn't bother with the whole shebang, but my parents, sister & friends all enjoyed my take on a Hen / wedding. It was different from most & I know none of my mates would never have swapped their Big Day for one like mine, but they loved it as it reflected me (and him!) & they love me...

In the wedding dress shops ...

Oooh I love a great big lavish wedding. All bells and whistles and bridesmaids knickers matching the napkins and so on. I'd love to go to one of those USA style cocktails and canapés and sit down meal and buffet and free bar and string quartet ones. If anyone's planning one of those please can I?! I'll be a brilliant guest and chat to everyone, be scintillating, charming, witty and at the end of the night dance like that girl in the red dress on that video that's been doing the rounds. Not even a hint of sarcasm, as a guest I love everything about the stereotypical 'industry' wedding. Or not, I'm a fan of the party in a field and sit on a hay bale type ones too.

When we get married my idea of perfection is just us and the children, dinner afterwards then home to bed. Horses for courses.

For what it's worth OP, I don't think you were being judgmental. I read your post as a bit of a dig at the industry as a whole and the expectation of a big 'do' rather than judging the people who do want all that. Your wedding sounds lovely, want me to come along and do the red dress dance?

I got married in 2012. Lots of people asked me what the theme was. I would look at them and go "it's a wedding. It already has a theme. Two people get married".

We did favours, but they doubled as the place markers for dinner, my hen do was half a dozen mates and all you can eat chinese food, I had one adult bridesmaid and one child, and I didn't give a toss that my aunt's dress was the same colour as my (non-white) wedding dress, which cost less than £100 from eBay.

I did spend around £15,000 though, but £8k of that was on the venue and another £5k on alcohol!

It honestly was the Best Wedding Ever.

We are in the minority.

YES

YOU ALONE WALK THIS NOBLE PATH OF COMPETITIVELY CRAP WEDDINGS

SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DIAMOND

I didn't want a Hen Do, expensive dress, guests at wedding - didn't even have a wedding cake!

We went to US got married (alone) - and then spent loads on a road trip (rather than feeding people) - best time:)

TooSmittle

Yes

sheba

Chill - it's not life and death it's a thread about weddings - you are coming across as really really aggressive.

Yeah it was more of a dig at the circus the industry has become and the pressure (probably more for young couples with no kids) to buy into it.

OH is in the forces so it has been expects that we will have that as our "theme"

I'm imagining a camo bridal gown/bridesmaids dresses complete with face paint, bridesmaids throwing toy grenades instead of flowers, wedding breakfast being served in billy cans and dj playing gems such as "in the navy" at the disco. Hmm...what else?

I get you OP. When we got married I wandered into a dress shop and got the cats bum as I didnt have an appointment, only had 8 weeks to go and 'no one leaves it THIS late to get a dress dear'. Luckily I had a very good and sensible friend who took me for emergency wine. I picked up a very lovely dress from Monsoon and spent the rest of the dress money on our honeymoon.

My neighbours are getting married in March. £16k they have spent! 16 thousand pounds!! Madness

sheba

Exactly

sheba

The people in the dress shop judged you for not having a theme.. I call bullshit. I've been to many a wedding and many a wedding dress shop. No themes or mention of themes.

Well done you on being so frickin cool. I enjoyed my wedding without needing to parade my choices on mumsnet for a pat on the head.

I didn't do any of those things either.... and I didn't even have a hen night of any description. Do I get an extra gold star?

Seriously though weddings are personal and your way isn't better it is just your preference. What matters is whether or not the bride and groom really love each other. I've been to more than one uncomfortable wedding where they have appeared to at best be indifferent and at worst really dislike each other. Awkward.

For my wedding day hubby, myself and our guests spent the day volunteering at the homeless shelter. We had the leftover soup for dinner, I wore jeans and an apron. The day was perfect xxx

Bet the people calling you sneery had themed weeks away with their bridesmaids learning their dance and writing gimme poems . My first marriage was bells and whistles and a fuck off bill and lasted 18 months. My second was with 10 mates and some neighbours in the local pub and we just celebrated our 15th anniversary (with poems and a special dance of course!)

Mollyringworm now that's a wedding! My DP is in the forces too. I'm starting to rethink our low key event

Crowdblundering you're on!