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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not to any of these things at my wedding

180 replies

Crowdblundering · 16/01/2017 21:36

I am going out on the piss for my hen do - one night in my home town not a week away costing all my friends millions.

I am not having a "theme" (other than getting married). I am not having bridesmaids, or a choreographed dance.

I plan to buy invites from WHSmith, not to send a "save the date" card.

To have a late afternoon wedding so we can just have a party after with our friends.

To not care what anyone else is wearing. To not have a really grabby wedding list - to not ban anything or anyone. To just invite who WE want to invite.

To not release doves, or have a photo booth.

To not spend £20,000 on one day of my life.

To not post on FB Every. Single. Day how many days are left until my wedding day.

AIBU? Should I be more Bridezillary?!

Please help me be more demanding and enter into the madness that getting married seems to be in these times 😆

OP posts:

midcenturymodern · 17/01/2017 11:09

(forgot to mention there were over 400 people at the party. )

MumW · 17/01/2017 11:09

I have only read the OP and my reaction is How Refreshing. Have the wedding that you want. Declare your love and commitment in front of the people you are closest to and want to share it with. Then celebrate in a manner that suits you. Go for it. Good Luck and may you have a wonderful married life.

midcenturymodern · 17/01/2017 11:10

Why is it 'refreshing' to have the wedding you want? Surely most people do.

Barefootcontessa84 · 17/01/2017 11:11

Do what you want, but who cares, why the need to tell everyone about it? It doesn't make you a better person, and it comes across very sneery to others who want different things to you. That said, it doesn't make you the slightest bit original.

kel12345 · 17/01/2017 11:16

It's your day, you should do what you want to do. Though just remember that just because you don't want to do those things, others do and that's also fine.
Every wedding should be about what the couple want.
(It's funny a friend of my husband is engaged, and yes saying yesterday that her family are trying to take over the day and tell her what she 'has' to have and do and wear and where she 'has' to get married, you get the idea. I said the same to her, it's your day, so do what you want and have what you want, and don't do what anyone else wants, it's about you)

Jackiebrambles · 17/01/2017 11:20

I agree that the 'theme' is you getting married!

But when I got married we decided it was a good idea to choose some colours we liked so we could at least choose flowers for me and button holes/ that matched. We used those colours in our invites and then thank you cards and all the men (groom, bm and fathers) had matching ties.
Although of course not necessary! It depends on how much of a visual person you are. I'm the least creative person!

I didn't have bridesmaids either, too much hassle.

Each to their own though. I would have never paid for those daft chair covers but others would and why not? It's up to them.

We had a free bar and a cheesy dj - best day of my life it was!

PoorYorick · 17/01/2017 11:20

I got married in an underpass. I wore a duvet case, my ring came off a Coke can and we served up a buffet of twigs, pine cones and canal water. THEREFORE I WIN.

midcenturymodern · 17/01/2017 11:25

I think your guests were grabby and entitled to expect a buffet PoorYorick My friends are classier than that so we didn't insult them with an invitation.

Barefootcontessa84 · 17/01/2017 11:28

And actually OP, I'd be a bit if I was I invited to a friend's second wedding, and they chose to do a big fluffy white affair and yet another gift list. Someone can get married as many times as they like, but I wouldn't expect anyone to have the same involvement / offer the same gifts etc as they had already been expected to.

PoorYorick · 17/01/2017 11:30

Yes, well, midcenturymodern, we issued threatening letters warning people to stay away instead of invitations and then sent out envelopes of pig shit instead of thank you cards. And we sent those by street urchin because it's so vulgar and Bridezilla to pay for Royal Mail. So there.

minipie · 17/01/2017 11:32

I got married in an underpass. I wore a duvet case, my ring came off a Coke can and we served up a buffet of twigs, pine cones and canal water. THEREFORE I WIN.

OP, I didn't have any of the things you list. (Or a cake, or a band, or even a wedding ring... mine was borrowed). We still managed to spend over £20,000 - most of it on really good food and booze for our guests, and a central London venue so very few had to travel or book accommodation. Spending lots doesn't always mean Bridezilla - for us it was all about the guests.

TheBruteSquad · 17/01/2017 12:01

I know what you mean about how much pressure there is when it comes to weddings these days but you do sound judgmental about things that others can have and which can be part a very lovely wedding. How would you feel if I'd posted this (incidentally I didn't have these things at my wedding, just making a point):

I am arranging something special for my hen do that my friends might actually enjoy rather expecting my friends to come along on a boring night out that's no different from any other Saturday night out in our home town.

I am trying to co-ordinate the decorations and accessories, so if doesn't look like a random mismatched hodge-podge. I'd like to have my close friends who mean a lot to me with me as bridesmaids. DP and I are shit dancers so we're going to practice our dance first so we don't end up shuffling awkwardly round the dance floor for 3 excruciating minutes in front of everyone we know.

I want to have looking nice invites that I've chosen and give people as much notice as possible of the date so they can plan their lives how they see fit.

To have a morning wedding so we can actually make the most of the day, rather than spending most of the day sat in a hotel room hiding away from everyone. And so we can provide a decent meal for our friends/family.

To not want 1000s toast racks and would like to make it easy for people to buy us something we actually want, rather than subjecting them to hours traipsing round the shops trying to think of a gift. To worry about offending people who I haven't seen in a while, but who have been important to me/my family in the past, by not inviting them.

To organise some fun activities for guests to watch/do so they can enjoy themselves, rather than just watching me and DP all day.

To spend more than £1.50 and show my friends and family that I haven't dragged them all to an event I couldn't be arsed to put any effort into.

To get excited about a special event in my life on a medium designed exactly for showcasing life events. And to show enthusiasm for an event I expect others to want to come to.

I really hope you and your OH have a lovely day!! But it's your day and just as you don't like your friends judging it, you should award the same curtesy to those who want a big wedding with loads of bridesmaids and a big dance number.

Glitteryfrog · 17/01/2017 12:06

Oh god, are save the date cards deemed tacky now? I can't keep up.
Doesn't everyone just email/message mention when they see people when the wedding is?
Never really seen the point of save the dates.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/01/2017 12:07

Yorick Coke can??? As in the actual brand? You were obviously high maintenance

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/01/2017 12:09

Yorick I'm actually crying about the pig shit 😂😂😂

PoorYorick · 17/01/2017 12:42

Livia

Well reading this thread it seems that some people think there's something wrong in treating a wedding like a happy celebration to be enjoyed. As if the primary point is to show at every turn how much you don't care about the day or the guests. Maybe you should also hire someone to punch everyone in the face as they come in?

Nothing wrong with a low key wedding if that's your thing and nothing wrong with a big do if you want one and can afford it. Whatever, just don't be a raging dick about it.

PrivatePike · 17/01/2017 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

derxa · 17/01/2017 12:55

Maybe you should also hire someone to punch everyone in the face as they come in?

FrankAndBeans · 17/01/2017 12:59

Yes Yorick!

HalfwayToFifty · 17/01/2017 13:08

We got married on approx £2000. Pils, my dm, Ds, db1, db2, Sil an bil. It was a beautiful day, so so perfect to us. Even if I could afford, in the future, to have a do over, I wouldn't. It was stress free as all planning was done at the venue. We had a sit down meal and went into the bar afterwards (no booze for me, I was 33 weeks pg) I could not have asked for a better day. I have no debts to pay from it. I didn't send invites. Each to their own I say. Dhs aunt is having the whole big wedding in June. I love all her ideas, her handmade invites ect. But I don't have the head/organisational skills to do all that. Whatever makes each individual couple happy. It not about the wedding, it's the marraige after that matters.

MrsPringles · 17/01/2017 13:18

I had a fairly big wedding 3 weeks ago. With bridesmaids and a giant cake and a photobooth and a theme and various other 'unnecessary' things.

I suspect you wouldn't like me very much

Enjoy your wedding though, different people like different things. The world would be very boring if we didn't.

ailPartout · 17/01/2017 13:23

Whatever, just don't be a raging dick about it.

mic drop

I don't pretend to be down with the kids but it seems appropriate.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 17/01/2017 13:35

Yeah different people like different things. I am on the same page as you OP: been with DP 26 years now, doing the deed nest year and trying to plan a low key event.

However my Instagram obsessed arty daughters seem to have other ideas (bridesmaidzillas?) and are shoehorning in the fairy lights and tweeness left right and centre. I've told them it's all coming out of their inheritance but they are not deterred.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/01/2017 13:39

Whatever, just don't be a raging dick about it.

This ^^

Brides and Grooms: Have the day you want/can afford - don't be a dick if people can't come

Guests: If the wedding isn't to your liking (child free or miles away or whatever) tell them you can't come, don't ask for 'clarification of your PFB can come too' etc.

OhhBetty · 17/01/2017 14:12

You could wear a bin liner and a tin foil hat? And ask guests to bring a bag of rubbish in lieu of gifts?

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