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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not to any of these things at my wedding

180 replies

Crowdblundering · 16/01/2017 21:36

I am going out on the piss for my hen do - one night in my home town not a week away costing all my friends millions.

I am not having a "theme" (other than getting married). I am not having bridesmaids, or a choreographed dance.

I plan to buy invites from WHSmith, not to send a "save the date" card.

To have a late afternoon wedding so we can just have a party after with our friends.

To not care what anyone else is wearing. To not have a really grabby wedding list - to not ban anything or anyone. To just invite who WE want to invite.

To not release doves, or have a photo booth.

To not spend £20,000 on one day of my life.

To not post on FB Every. Single. Day how many days are left until my wedding day.

AIBU? Should I be more Bridezillary?!

Please help me be more demanding and enter into the madness that getting married seems to be in these times 😆

OP posts:
Limitededition7inch · 16/01/2017 21:53

Weddings are a very personal thing and you do sound a bit judgy. Your wedding sounds fab, but I've been to some fantastic weddings that are all bells and whistles and they were great simply because you could tell how happy the couple was. And despite what MN says, there is no scientific formula stating that there is a direct correlation between the amount of money spent on a wedding and the speed with which the marriage will end in divorce.

I'm not sure why you posted on here tbh, but I hope you have a lovely day.

LaurieMarlow · 16/01/2017 21:54

It sounds quite judgy OP, surely you can see that.

Ariandenotgrande · 16/01/2017 21:54

You aren't being unreasonable - your plans sound lovely, considerate and fair.
Don't quite get why some people think you're being mean/judgey Confused...seems like a bad day for having a sense of humour perhaps

Helloitsme87 · 16/01/2017 21:55

Well I had bridesmaids and a hen do abroad. I made my own invites and provided food and drink. I put in a gift request as I wAs asked by many people what my husband and I wanted.
I didn't hAve doves but made my own photo booth. I spent a lot of money but for extremely valid reasons I won't Go into and I had the best day of my life. I made one Facebook post in the whole year of planning but shouldn't have to justify it on MN.
Your post sounds mean spirited and why should you need validation for your choices. Well done OP. You're doing what MN expects. I shall send you a medal in the post. Hope you and your guests have the best day Biscuit

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 16/01/2017 21:57

It's an annoynous forum I am not naming and shaming anyone in RL - I just observe a lot of "show" esp in the age of social media and weddings have changed a lot in the last 20 years or so.

Same as the trend for baby showers etc which have crept over here from America and "hen do" extravaganzas where people fall out with their friends because they simply cannot afford it - it's on MN all the time.

OP posts:
NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 16/01/2017 21:59

If there's no cake I'm not going.

Otherwise, YANBU WinkCake

Helbelle75 · 16/01/2017 21:59

Have a wedding that suits you. We had one objective for ours (well 2 including the getting married bit!) and that was for everyone to have fun.
We have a lot of musician friends, so lots of music, lots of food. We chose to have the reception in a function room at the local football stadium. Cheap as chips and they were fantastic.
Still had the white dress, save the date, theme though.
Do what makes you happy. People are still telling us what a great time they had. I think it was good because we were relaxed about the day.

NicknameUsed · 16/01/2017 22:01

"Your post sounds mean spirited"

I don't think it does.

HelsBels5000 · 16/01/2017 22:02

YABVVVVU Grin

Sickofthisnow · 16/01/2017 22:04

I don't know anyone who has done any of those things you lost except to have invitations properly printed, have bridesmaids and spend a lot of money on the day. Most of what you describe is just folklore surely?

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 16/01/2017 22:05

I must say in my defence my mean spiritedness or it coming across like that may be because I am old (er) Smile

OP posts:
thisismyfirsttime · 16/01/2017 22:07

You do sound judgy OP, my wedding was me, dh and 2 witnesses and we all wore jeans, trainers and t

ShebaShimmyShake · 16/01/2017 22:07

I find the self congratulatory wankishness of this post, on a public forum, far more irritating and attention seeking than people who have pretty invitations or bridesmaids (bridesmaids! Shame! Shame!).

Have the wedding you want, it's not a moral act and doesn't make you better than someone who decided to use pretty reds and golds to mark the autumn (that was a lovely do).

itsgoodtobehome · 16/01/2017 22:08

I've been to a lot of weddings in my time, but I don't ever recall any with a theme. What sort of themes do people have? Maybe I just didn't notice Blush.

thisismyfirsttime · 16/01/2017 22:10

And told everyone after. But I went to a friend's wedding 2 weeks later that was the full works, was ours better? No. Was hers? No. Just a difference of wants. Who cares really as surely the marriage is what you're after?

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 16/01/2017 22:10

I have no idea what themes people have.

OH is in the forces so it has been expects that we will have that as our "theme" - which we won't.

I just don't know when it all got so complicated and competitive and if that makes me a wanker so be it.

OP posts:
sonyaya · 16/01/2017 22:12

You sound massively sneery. What on earth is wrong with having bridesmaids?

Yeah people who are dicks about their wedding and want the world to revolve around itnare annoying but not sure how having a photo booth as OPTIONAL entertainment for guests makes someone a bridezilla.

poochiepants · 16/01/2017 22:13

I think that it sounds perfect....!

sonyaya · 16/01/2017 22:13

How does having a theme make someone's wedding 'competitive'?

Original poster
Crowdblundering · 16/01/2017 22:14

Wow - I never said any of those things were "wrong".

Please show me where I said others were wrong......

OP posts:
ShebaShimmyShake · 16/01/2017 22:14

Well I went to an October wedding with an autumnal colour scheme, autumn leaf decorations, bouquets and hairpieces, and seasonal fruits as the favours. And a food drive to support the church it was in. It was lovely. And a Goth one on Halloween in a castle, that was great. Entirely up to the couple what they like.

lifeisazebracrossing · 16/01/2017 22:15

I get what you mean, OP. There is expectation and pressure surrounding weddings - it did my head in when I got engaged. And people compare them so good on you for bucking the trend.

I did a no frills afternoon thing but in Greece! Was lovely. DH sorted it and was all very chilled. Hen do was a cheap cottage break with cocktails.

If others want to spend £20k, great! But I don't blame you for not and didn't read your post as condescending at all.

PollytheDolly · 16/01/2017 22:15

We are eloping. We are being completely and utterly selfish bastards and it's all about us. Can't wait Grin

Crumbs1 · 16/01/2017 22:15

I'm with you and I am condescending and judgemental about some of the ghastly, common and very expensive things that turn the wedding into a tacky commercial event rather than the celebration of the marriage. Yours sounds delightful and much more enjoyable and memorable, congratulations.

Filibustering · 16/01/2017 22:16

What themes do people have???

OP, your wedding sounds positively lavish. We did it with two guests at lunchtime and went back to work afterwards. [grim]