AIBU to not to any of these things at my wedding

[Crowdblundering]

I am going out on the piss for my hen do - one night in my home town not a week away costing all my friends millions.

I am not having a "theme" (other than getting married). I am not having bridesmaids, or a choreographed dance.

I plan to buy invites from WHSmith, not to send a "save the date" card.

To have a late afternoon wedding so we can just have a party after with our friends.

To not care what anyone else is wearing. To not have a really grabby wedding list - to not ban anything or anyone. To just invite who WE want to invite.

To not release doves, or have a photo booth.

To not spend £20,000 on one day of my life.

To not post on FB Every. Single. Day how many days are left until my wedding day.

AIBU? Should I be more Bridezillary?!

Please help me be more demanding and enter into the madness that getting married seems to be in these times 😆

My OH might not even be able to be there

That would be the ultimate in laidback MN wedding. Attending without the groom!

'Oh he'll sign the form at the registry office next week'.

whycantibetangy

We are spending double what your neighbours are (on guests, venue, food, booze and accommodation rather than dove releases and favours before any more facile remarks about the OP "touching a nerve" are made)!

We are DINKYs who already own a property and with a bit of saving can afford to spend this, along with a bit of (not requested) parental contribution. Why is it madness? After spending half my 20s in a depressive state due to being in an abusive relationship, it is beyond my wildest dreams to be marrying the kind and loving man that I now am. Why is it madness for us to want to make an occasion of it, and ensure that those who decide to come along are hosted properly with free flow booze and shit loads of food? All love to people who have low key weddings (personally I don't enjoy them as much but would make every bit as much effort as I do for grand weddings to support a friend who was kind enough to invite me). It wouldn't work for me and DP to do this, we want a larger affair. We aren't harming anyone.

Bet the people calling you sneery had themed weeks away with their bridesmaids learning their dance and writing gimme poems

Guess again.

I love the fact you are judging people for talking about their wedding on Facebook, but starting a thread all about your wedding on mumsnet is fine.

Your funny

I don't think I ever said anyone was harming anyone.

Won't be much of a wedding if your OH isn't there...

I'm pretty certain nothing was harmed.

Except maybe good taste.

We have to be insured - against him not being there.

YABU about wedding invitations from WHSmiths. They can when added up be quite expensive. There are.cheaper online versions or maybe Card Factory sells them?

I get what the OP is saying actually. It has all got a bit of a circus which is fine if you want that, I would have at one point, but if you DON'T want that then there are people who try and make you feel bad, or who somehow get affronted that you don't want what they want. Or that somehow it's not proper if you have a very low key do. If someone does a cats bum mouth at me in dress shops they'll get short shrift- I'm not spending £20k on a big party not least because I bloody hate parties!!

I think most people can see through the hype but if you are eating, sleeping and breathing weddings then you can see how you get sucked in by 'this is the MUST HAVE thing for your wedding' and lose perspective.

thecuriousowl

I agree, if anyone criticised someone for having a low key wedding I would think that was snooty and disgraceful.

sonyaya it isn't madness, it's lovely. Treating your nearest and dearest to a fucking fabulous day is a wonderful thing to do, celebrating your relationship and commitment and the same time is even more amazing I hope you don't ever feel the need to justify how you're affording it all again, that's not fair. Enjoy your day, big congratulations.

Crowdblundering shit, deployment? That's rubbish. My DP met me at the hospital when I was being induced with DS, straight off the plane after 5 months away. Stressful!

Maybe - we never know when it might happen but we have our fingers crossed and have chosen a month it's least likely to happen!!

toosmittle that's so sweet, thank you

Last time I checked, a wedding required a registrar or priest, two witnesses and the couple doing the vowing. Which means you could turn up in a sarong and bikini with two random people off Facebook and get the lot done for under £100.

That sounds hard. At least my DP's deployments are fairly predictable, barring the truly unforeseeable, which has only happened once - over my due date.

Fingers and toes firmly crossed then!

People on FB would charge surely.

To be fair he's only had one truly inconvenient, unexpected one (last year) but it wobbles you a lot (has a holiday booked etc was pretty shit).

Problem is we can insure ourselves but not our guests

I bet you're not even honeymooning in Maui, are you? Admit it, I dare you.

Sounds like a lovely wedding OP, especially no gap between wedding and reception as the hanging around can get dull.

I totally understand the wobbles, last year when we were in the middle of 'will he won't he be here' was awful, far more difficult than just knowing when he's going and getting on with it.

God yes, I hadn't even considered the guests side of it. And it's not even like you could cancel and safely rebook for when he'll be home. Crikey, fingers even more tightly crossed.

We eloped with two witnesses and four DC. Then went on honeymoon to Disneyland the next day! Couldn't care less what anyone else does really.

Really daft question - but can you use a proxy to stand in for your OH if he is suddenly deployed? Obviously would all have to be legally covered with signed, witnessed letters etc. but is it possible?

I hadn't thought about insurance! My DP is also in the Forces... Argh! (My wedding is gonna be a right last minute affair isn't it?) I have all this to come...