Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

AIBU to not to any of these things at my wedding

180 replies

Crowdblundering · 16/01/2017 21:36

I am going out on the piss for my hen do - one night in my home town not a week away costing all my friends millions.

I am not having a "theme" (other than getting married). I am not having bridesmaids, or a choreographed dance.

I plan to buy invites from WHSmith, not to send a "save the date" card.

To have a late afternoon wedding so we can just have a party after with our friends.

To not care what anyone else is wearing. To not have a really grabby wedding list - to not ban anything or anyone. To just invite who WE want to invite.

To not release doves, or have a photo booth.

To not spend £20,000 on one day of my life.

To not post on FB Every. Single. Day how many days are left until my wedding day.

AIBU? Should I be more Bridezillary?!

Please help me be more demanding and enter into the madness that getting married seems to be in these times 😆

OP posts:

WamBamThankYouMaam · 17/01/2017 06:24

I used to be a wedding planner. Let me assure you that you aren't being unique in any way.

Do what you want, spend what you want. But remember that you're hosting people, and there's a reason that some couples spend a lot on food and drink.

ailPartout · 17/01/2017 06:42

You sound quite sneery and condescending about those who do have those things.

As long as you're happy with yours and they're happy with theirs, why make a thinly-veiled thread about how much better you are than them?

Treaclex · 17/01/2017 07:14

Op do your wedding whatever way you want to and respect other choices on how they do theirs. I didn't have a hen do, bridesmaids, cake or first dance we got married for under £500 but that was our choice. We didn't even tell people till the week before we were getting married We were married in our parish church surrounded by our nearest and dearest and had a few drinks after. I loved our wedding as it was what was important to us but I wouldn't sneer at others choices.

bookworm14 · 17/01/2017 07:25

Oh god, are save the date cards deemed tacky now? I can't keep up.

Mouse510 · 17/01/2017 07:26

Well done, you will have a great day!

I had no bridesmaids, no hen do (went with three friends for a spa day and afternoon tea and then had dinner and drinks with 2 other friends another day), no mention on Facebook that we were even engaged, no theme, did our own wedding flowers, reception in the village hall, cake from M&S, no favours!

The sun still still shone, our nearest and dearest were there and everyone seemed to spend the whole day smiling. It was exactly the day we wanted! Don't give into the wedding industry, it's your wedding, enjoy it just the way you want it to be!

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 17/01/2017 07:37

In the days of "yore" you could use a proxy but pretty sure not now as you cannot even use a photo copied decree absolute!

OP posts:

Tastesjustlikecherrycola85 · 17/01/2017 07:52

Sounds like my wedding, it was at 4 and the party afterwards finished at 10, was short and sweet!

FrankAndBeans · 17/01/2017 08:17

Congratulations, have a medal.
Your day won't be any better or more special than others, just will have less fluff. I would completely expect a second wedding to not have bridesmaids etc.

At least if DP doesn't make it you won't have to lose much.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/01/2017 08:55

How many of these lavish weddings with the no kids rules, long and exotic hen/stag dos are done by a couple with a large family? You aren't unique - lots of people who have been together that long have a low key wedding.

By all means continue to pat yourself on the back but you seem a little insecure to expect validation about it!

Have the day you want but it's really not nice to imply that you are somehow superior in your choices.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/01/2017 09:00

Nobody is judging you - the people in bridal shops have a vested interest in you having as lavish and expensive a wedding as you can.

As for the guests, well I have been to quite a few weddings and don't actually remember much about them, it's your day!

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 17/01/2017 09:08

I don't feel judged and am certainly judging and I was not sneering at anyone else - though there are some pretty sneers posts directed towards me - second marriage, large family (we are a blended family) almost hoping my OH won't be there!

I was just think it's all turned into a massive commercialsed expensive show horse and from what I see on FB and social media in general (only this morning on news about how shite social media can make people feel) it IS competitive and slightly obsessive - hence many ladies on here being accused of being Bridezilla - in fact did MN not invent that phrase?

OP posts:

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 17/01/2017 09:09

Not judging!

OP posts:

ShebaShimmyShake · 17/01/2017 09:35

You need new friends. I've never seen anyone get "competitive" with their wedding except in wanky threads like this one.

Pineapplemilkshake · 17/01/2017 09:47

I'm getting married in 3 weeks and not doing any of those things either. Well, I was having one bridesmaid then when she was being fussy about the dress, refused to wear what I bought etc, she was demoted to coming as a guest instead

I think I trump you though, as I'm also driving myself to the wedding

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 17/01/2017 09:51

Well to be fair I may walk from wedding venue to reception

OP posts:

LauraLovesDaisy · 17/01/2017 10:00

No you are being perfectly reasonable. As someone who didn't enjoy her wedding my no 1 piece of advice is Do whatever makes you happy. I wish I'd not bought into some of the gubbins associated with weddings and invited ppl I didn't want there to appease others etc. it didn't work. Life's too short, do what makes you happy x

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/01/2017 10:28

I hadn't realised you were a blended family and it was a second wedding - that is even less likely to be a huge over the top event!

Most of the people who have lavish weddings with long hen weekends etc are marrying for the first time, they may or may not have children and they have the money and inclination to go over the top.

I don't know why you would compare them to you - the situations are completely different!

Your posts have a horribly superior feel. It should be your FB friends that you have the issue with - perhaps hide their posts if their excitement is getting on your nerves?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/01/2017 10:29

And being competitive about how low key your wedding is could be seen as a tad insecure

Original poster

Crowdblundering · 17/01/2017 10:44

I wasn't being "competitive" as am not competing with anyone - just think the world has gone a bit mad.

OP posts:

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/01/2017 10:57

Same could be said about many things but you didn't start a 'world has gone mad about weddings' thread - you started one which listed all the things you were doing so much better.

Most of the threads on here about bridezillas seem to be about first weddings, where the happy couple has very little else to think about - surely nobody expects a second one to be as lavish? It's usually a registry office/down the pub job!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/01/2017 11:01

As for thinking people are crazy spending money on certain things, I'm sure there are plenty of people who would think the way you spent your money was 'crazy' - everyone has different priorities!

I think your OP was worded wrongly if you genuinely were just talking about the wedding industry in general.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 17/01/2017 11:04

And let's face it - as people get older and have been round the block a few times, they are less likely to have a lavish do - but if people have the money and the inclination, then why the hell not?

(disclaimer - I would never have a lavish do)

happymumof4crazykids · 17/01/2017 11:06

My idea of perfect! Hope you enjoy your day :)

midcenturymodern · 17/01/2017 11:08

I got married in a dress from topshop that I already had with only DP and I, the Priest and the deacon and a nun for witnesses. Do I win

If you had said what you were doing in your OP instead of what you aren't doing it wouldn't have sounded so condescending. It would have been merely dull.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 17/01/2017 11:08

Let me assure you that you aren't being unique in any way.

^ this. Especially for second weddings.

I have been to various sorts of Weddings and likes them all for different reasons.

Do what you want, spend what you want. But remember that you're hosting people, and there's a reason that some couples spend a lot on food and drink.

This is a very good point.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Swipe left for the next trending thread