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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU... Unannounced Visitors

210 replies

LouBlue1507 · 17/12/2016 13:30

Hi Ladies!

Just wondering other people's views on unannounced visitors?

I hate it, and it stresses me out massively! I find it rude and would never do it to someone else.

OP posts:
1horatio · 17/12/2016 14:40

joffrey

So? I'm currently wearing a sports bra and shorts.

If they're close enough to turn up unanswered they can see me like this. Well, actually, I'd also open the door to the guy bringing the post. I don't see the issue?

You aren't naked. And tv watching is a very acceptable Saturday afternoon activity.

yoowhoo · 17/12/2016 14:42

I love unexpected visitors. Growing up my parents had a sort of open door policy where close friends and family just knock and walk in! I loved it (and still do when I go home!) It doesn't really happen now because I have no family close enough. Which makes me a bit sad. So long as the visitors don't mind if I'm in my jammas or have a bit of a messy house then I love it!

QuestionableMouse · 17/12/2016 14:43

I'm quite introverted and do need time to get ready for visitors. Have a friend who comes round and forgots to go home and I find it so stressful!

MiladyThesaurus · 17/12/2016 14:45

I would have no problem with impromptu visitors.

DH, on the other hand, would have kittens at the thought of people coming over without having filed a visit plan in triplicate made plans with him to do so. He cannot cope with ambiguity or uncertainty (I find this enormously frustrating).

Patriciathestripper1 · 17/12/2016 14:45

I hate it with a passion! We like line pinky and perky during the week as very busy. Luckily we have a spare room where we chuck everything if an unexpected visitor arrives,

1horatio · 17/12/2016 14:47

I'm hardly ever home during the week,

I wonder how DH feels about uninvited visitors...

JAPAB · 17/12/2016 14:48

I don't like it when they expect to come in and stay awhile. Not so bad if they just want a quick word or deal with a quick matter.

If you want a cup of tea and a chat make an appointment for it, I say.

Bonkerz · 17/12/2016 14:49

It stresses me out. Whilst my house tends to always be guest ready I am not! Currently I'm sat on sofa in PJs!

liberatethebuns · 17/12/2016 14:50

Depends on who it is. My parents, my sister and my closest friend and her husband are all fine. With anyone else I'd prefer a text warning first, preferably with a 30 minute buffer at least!

Mynestisfullofempty · 17/12/2016 14:55

Thoughtfulduck how did your friend get inside your house?

Tubbyinthehottub · 17/12/2016 14:57

I can't stand this. If you come to my house you should come by appointment because otherwise I'm likely to be busy or just not prepared for a visitor. I think it's mainly older people who do this because it used to be normal before texts and phones were commonplace. But these days there is no reason to ask someone if you can pop over, I think it's rude not to.

BolivarAtasco · 17/12/2016 14:58

I don't like unexpected visitors. Mil tried it once when we first moved in and as it was 8.30am on a Sunday morning and we were still in bed, quickly realised that she needed to call first.

My family would never drop round unannounced, though as they live two hours away, they'd be taking a risk if they did.

It's not that I find it stressful, more that I just like my privacy and if people come round, I want to be prepared for it.

RaspberryOverloadTheFirst · 17/12/2016 14:59

I think for me it depends on the expectations of the visitor.

There are a very, very few people I can cope with popping by with no notice. But they are the type who don't expect that you'll drop everything and host them, making drinks and generally giving them all your attention. Regardless of what you might actually be engaged in doing or whether it's something that needs doing right now.

Cos I get some people popping by who do expect the attention and fuss, and seem to feel that them visiting is more important than whatever you are doing. It's this second type I hate popping by, even if my plan was to do nothing.

annoyedbyidiotsparking · 17/12/2016 15:01

I'd hate this. I like the slob out in my downtime and neither me nor my house may be presentable!

BabyDubsEverywhere · 17/12/2016 15:01

We bought this house because theres only one window to the front and once the doors locked no one would know if I was in or not... BLISS! the last house was very open on the front and I couldn't hide as easily - popperinners drove me soft!

I like to know if someone is coming, very very few people can give me short notice (my sister and my dad) everyone else, if I don't know the day before I will be 'busy' one way or another.

DH is total opposite to me but he sees how stressed I get and enforces the no popperinners thing on my behalf. God love him!

AgentProvocateur · 17/12/2016 15:05

Love it. Any excuse to have a cup of tea/glass of wine with a friend.

Princesspinkgirl · 17/12/2016 15:09

I don't like unannounced visitors especially at nearly 39 weeks pregnant Hmm

user1471439727 · 17/12/2016 15:10

Boliva

Sounds like your MIL intentionally tried to catch you out. I just can't accept that someone with any tact would think it was acceptable to drop in on someone at 8.30 on a Sunday morning. That really winds me up.

Thoughtfulduck · 17/12/2016 15:10

Mynestisfullofempty, I'd left my door unlocked as I'd been in and out taking things out to my car...surprisingly I lock it now.

She could've waited until the hoovering stopped and knocked or waited downstairs and shouted hello....genuinely don't think she thought about how scary it would be to turn around and see someone in the doorway when I thought I was home alone!

PecanPii · 17/12/2016 15:11

YANBU! I hate when people do this!! Especially of a weekend night when we've put baby to bed and I'm in my most rotten pjs Envy we had to have serious words about this with MIL and I now think it's a generation thing Hmm

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/12/2016 15:12

I think this is a real 'Marmite' question - people are either perfectly fine with unannounced visitors or really hate people just popping in without notice - no middle ground.

I like unannounced visitors - it breaks up the day, and as all my friends are prepared to take me as they find me, there's no stress for me. I actually stress more if I know people are coming, because I expect to have the house looking nice, if I know people are coming, and I worry about whether I have done enough.

I think the key is sensitivity - I wouldn't drop in unannounced on anyone, unless I was sure they were happy with unexpected guests. The problem lies with the people who either don't bother to find out that their friend/family member hates poppers-in, or knows they do, and don't care. They enjoy their unexpected visits to people, whilst remaining oblivious of the stress and unhappiness they are causing.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 17/12/2016 15:13

Aaaargh. DH and I were in the middle of a special Christmas cuddle at 10.30 this morning, (older kids all overnight with friends or at work, youngest (10) happily watching a DVD two floors down) when bloody FiL came hammering at the door.

And we couldn't even pretend not to be in because DS let him in. So DH got up and was berated for still being in bed Confused and I was so pissed off I just went and had a shower and pottered around upstairs until he had gone.

RamsayBoltonsConscience · 17/12/2016 15:17

I'm so glad I'm not alone in hating this. When I was with my exdp, he would say I was unsociable because I disliked dropping in on people unexpectedly and having the same done to me.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 17/12/2016 15:23

DH's family are actually the worst for this : pop in unannounced and make snidey comments. We work from home, we have four kids, we are very busy. We are not sitting on the sofa in an immaculate house, twiddling our thumbs, waiting for someone to call by.

The inlaws moan that we are on the phone or computer (working), that the kids are not in, that the house is messy, that we are eating, that we are (genuinely) about to go out.

Bloody ring then and check if it's convenient.

Artandco · 17/12/2016 15:31

Ours is an open house. People visit all the time randomly if they happen to be passing. We are fairly central so a base for everyone I suppose. We have been in all day with no plans today, but neighbour popped in to retune something and stayed an hour, and other friends came around at lunchtime randomly to say hi and will come back early evening for mulled wine.