AIBU... Unannounced Visitors

[LouBlue1507]

Hi Ladies!

Just wondering other people's views on unannounced visitors?

I hate it, and it stresses me out massively! I find it rude and would never do it to someone else.

[marhav999]

Have to agree with OP again. One difference. It doesn't stress me. I usually carry on with what I was doing. (Unless what I was doing resulted In me not answering the door in the first place!) If I can, I ask the visitor to help. Amazing how a bit of housework or gardening shortens a visit.
It is bad manners to turn up unannounced. I would never do it - you never know what situation you are disturbing - and insist that others let me know when they're visiting. I would of course make an exception for a crisis visit.

[RaspberryOverloadsOnMincePies]

CurlyhairedAssassin

I agree with your posts. I've noticed there are two types of popper-inners.

There's the people who pop in and genuinely don't care about mess, or who will muck in, make themselves a drink and just chat while you get on with stuff. I can just about cope with those because they are not really making demands on me.

The second type seem to be those who either consciously or not feel that their time is more important than yours, so they turn up and expect you to drop everything to host and entertain them, no matter how busy you are. Who feel affronted if you are going out when they arrive, etc. Those types get short shrift from me.

[BackforGood]

I love it, but it's another regular thread on MN that splits opinion - like shoes on / off in your house... like no children at weddings...... like inisiting you only invite dc to play if they invite your child to them the same number of times.......

You'll never persuade people to move sides

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Meant to say, it's the same people who get antsy that you haven't replied to their Facebook post or text message within 10 mins. Well, I was busy - doing something more important than sitting staring at my phone!!

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

I don't like it. But as others have said, we are both busy with full time jobs and kids and so when we aren't doing that we'll be either doing essential housework that can't wait, out visiting parents (pre-arranged visits!), shopping or about to go out shopping, paying the kids some attention or helping them with homework, or just having a little bit of time to ourselves for once. So yes, someone just dropping in in these circumstances would annoy me. I'm not bothered at all if the house is messy because people should take need to take me as they find me. It's the assumption that you have feck all to do that's annoying. And I find it very rude that people who turn up unannounced look so offended when you say you're (genuinely) just off out somewhere (and it can't wait). They make you feel bad but it was totally THEIR doing! Exasperating!!

I do think that in families where both parents work full time people are actually better at recognising that other people's weekend time is precious. The people I know who don't work full time and so can get all their chores and errands out of the way during the week and so leaving a genuinely free weekend, often seem unable to see that this isn't the case for a lot of people.

When I'm retired I'll be happy to have people round unannounced but I'll still be sensitive to the fact that others won't have so much free time as me.

[Camelsinthegobi]

I once had a bishop and his wife pop in unannounced at 8.30 on a Sunday night. I had a very sick newborn at the time (can't remember if he was pre or post op but it was major surgery). My husband's a vicar but, even so, it was pretty inappropriate.

[TheJunctionBaby]

What a miserable lot!

I'm with you chocolatewombat

[TaylorP1234]

It's rude to just visit someone I'd never do it and I'd hate it done to me.
But your mum surely it's different your mum can see you upside down or in your pj's! I'd give anything in this world for my mum to just visit but sadly she isn't with us anymore!! It's true u don't appreciate something till it's gone I'm afraid!!!

[Dizzybug52]

Thank you Chozzle sorry for your loss too 💐

[xStefx]

Everyone we know calls or txts first. So if our doorbell rings me and DH spend 20 minutes asking each other silently who is at the door before one of us opens it .

[ChozzleopsTheThird]

That's probably changed my mind totally Dizzy I would love for my dad to be able to pop in, it's the anniversary of his death today and nothing would make me happier than to be able to chat with him. I will try to be more tolerant.

I'm sorry for your loss

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Depending on numbers involved I feel a momentary frisson of panic - have we food in, is the house in a state - then it's all right.

Can't say I risk it with many I know, just out of consideration.

[Dizzybug52]

My Dad used to just turn up, usually when I'd done night shift and was going to snooze, i used to moan to my DP about it. He died while on holiday last year and I'd give anything for him to pop round now...visitors visit because they love you! However irritating it is!

[PicardsCombOver]

I have an open door policy in my home. The people who matter to me know that if they knock they won't be answered and they should walk in. This approach backfired recently. My Aunt and her family moved very near us recently and would pop down to borrow my phone/use the WiFi. I was having a nap on the sofa whilst DS was in nursery and DH was in work and woke up to see a very large man (my cousin) sitting on the sofa opposite me and I screamed he didn't wake me up, not even a friendly 'Hello I'm here' type warning. He was just sat there. I should point out he is on the autistic spectrum and social cues can be a struggle for him, we laugh about it now.

[Ladydepp]

I love it, but the only people who do it are people I like. DH hates it

[PollytheDolly]

Ugh. Hate it, hate it, hate it.


I'm a miserable bastard

[ChozzleopsTheThird]

KingJoffrey she would be devastated, she uses the key to come and collect the dog who she looks after while I'm at work. She helps us out in so many ways. I feel guilty for not wanting these pop ins.

From Chocolates post I got "don't do what others want you to do, do what you want" I'm thinking of the be more dog advert from last year.

[ChozzleopsTheThird]

KingJoffrey she would be devastated, she uses the key to come and collect the dog who she looks after while I'm at work. She helps us out in so many ways. I feel guilty for not wanting these pop ins.

From Chocolates post I got "don't do what others want you to do, do what you want" I'm thinking of the be more dog advert from last year.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

You got that from Chocolate's post, that she's worrying about being a gracious host?

[SaucyJack]

Yeah. Cat.

Do cats tie themselves up in knots worrying about if they're being gracious enough hosts? Do they fuck.

[phoenix1973]

I've changed as I've got older. They don't bother me but I'm more relaxed now. As long as they take me as they find me and my home and don't want to be "entertained" that's fine.
Problem is, my partner HATES unannounced visitors. I don't blame him. His job is horrid and stressful but I would like more of an open house like I had growing up. I'm an introvert as well, but as I get older I inderstand how important it is to see people you care about.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

Cat?

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

Chozzle, changing a lock is easy.

Which kind of lock do you have? I could find you a video on how to do it.

[SaucyJack]

I just did a sick in my mouth reading your posts Chocolate.

Be more cat.

[DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen]

So you just say your busy at and arrange another time.