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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU... Unannounced Visitors

210 replies

LouBlue1507 · 17/12/2016 13:30

Hi Ladies!

Just wondering other people's views on unannounced visitors?

I hate it, and it stresses me out massively! I find it rude and would never do it to someone else.

OP posts:
PecanPii · 17/12/2016 15:37

I just remembered a story which I can now laugh at but at the time I was pissed off!

Me and DH had just got home from a lovely dinner. I was lying on the couch like a whale while DH was outside doing something in the shed. I was 12 weeks pregnant and I HAD to zip open my jeans and pull them down slightly as they dug into me. As I was pulling them down slightly I hear DH walk in the door. The shock I got when MIL actually walked into the sitting room instead Shock

Jux · 17/12/2016 15:38

Wow! I love visitors, unexpected or not. I get more stressed about arranged visits, tbf, I've no excuse not to be ready and with everything spotless, cake ready etc - hate it Grin

People dropping in? House a mess, no biscuits, whatever the place is like is OK because they've just decided to pop in. And then they stay for hours chatting and drinking tea, then wine/beer. Lovely.

woodhill · 17/12/2016 15:40

In laws used to do this when the dc were young, really annoying when I'd just sat down, dm occasionally pops over but usually lets me know.

I prefer to be pre warned.

When I go over to dms often Neighbours come in.

perfumedlife · 17/12/2016 15:47

I hate it and, as a pp said, it's the unspoken assumption that your plans are not as important as theirs! I always make visitors welcome, even if they've popped in but it's so stressful. They often stay too long too and are invariably the ones who would never cope if I popped in on them! Also seems to be the same people who never invite you to their place.

balence49 · 17/12/2016 15:50

I hate it! No problem at all if planned or at least a txt a hour before.

I can be very sociable, but would never turn up on anyone's doorstep unannounced as I think it's very rude, presumptuous and know it makes me feel not very nice.
I think my parents think dh is a funny bugger, and the antisocialness is all him and part of his mental health ishoos. Partly it is (but I don't even get on to that with them, as there idea that he just should grow up and pull himself together doesn't wash with me.) they had an open housewarming I was growing up. I can remember my mum getting very stressed about folk rocking up mid meal/row/when you are on the way out. But they seem to forget that bit.
Mainly it's actually because I need to mentally prepare myself, and dh, and tidy up,
And I just don't really like that many people.

Christmas is the worst for this I can't wait till January.
Bah fucking humbug eh!

CondensedMilkSarnies · 17/12/2016 15:54

I love for someone to visit me , no one , apart from parcel delivery people, ever knocks on my door.

BolivarAtasco · 17/12/2016 15:57

user1471 she's one of those people that gets up at the crack of dawn and thinks everyone else should too. When we first moved in together, she'd phone at about 8am on weekends allegedly to see how we were, but actually to get us up. DH reminded her that we are up at 5.30am for work all week and refused to answer the phone after that.

SaucyJack · 17/12/2016 16:08

I hate it too.

No excuses now we've all got mobiles. I can only assume a person wouldn't text first so they can just turn up and present themselves as
a fait accompli on the doorstep.

Notso · 17/12/2016 16:20

It depends who it is, but even my Mum can annoy me by 'popping' in.

My worst is BIL and his family. They either come really early on a weekend because they start the day when it's still night to most people or they phone and ask if we are in an come even if we say we are going out.
Once they came at 7:30 on a Saturday morning. DS1 then 7 let them in. DH and I were still in bed and BIL came upstairs into our bedroom.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 17/12/2016 17:11

I hate it. DHs family always give advanced warning but my family are a nightmare for it. Mum was most offended when I asked her to call before she pitched up. Most of my family live away now and the local ones don't drive, we now live rurally so it never happens any more.

There was an epic family fall out as when DD was 5 days old I was at home breastfeeding completely topless (as you do when you're new to it all and trying to master the art of latching!) on the sofa, I had just got out of hospital the day before as had been very ill, my family knew this. My grandparents turned up unannounced to see me and the baby. I could hear from the living room and felt like crying, it had been a rough night and just getting out of bed had been a mammoth effort.

My DH answered the door and said very politely that it wasnt a good time, I was feeding and very ill and tired and that he'd call in the next few days when we were up for visitors - they had seen us twice when I was in hospital BTW!

Well didn't it kick off. Relatives were phoned, accusations of a very rude DH who they were never speaking to again, and who did he think he was turning faaaaamily (Peggy Mitchell voice) away? Cherry would simply be mortified if she knew Hmm

I was too tired at baby blue-ish at that point to be polite, told them and everyone that Dh was not in the least bit rude, I was grateful for what he did and that it's not acceptable to just rock up in those circumstances, and next time we wouldn't answer the door.

That's was 3.5 years ago and I'm not quite sure we're forgiven yet. Now gets lots of PA calls "Are we ok to pop in tomorrow as I know how angry DH gets if we don't let you know" 🙄

Caboodle · 17/12/2016 17:16

I love it. I am very much a more the merrier kind of person and I tend to feed people too. Dcs friends are always welcome too. DH is ok with this but does sometimes want a little peace and so I rein in my 'housefull' tendencies Xmas Wink

Caboodle · 17/12/2016 17:18

Cherry the one time I did think 'nooooooo' was when DH and dc1 had gone out and dc2 (brand new) had just, after a monster cluster feed, gone to sleep so I feel your pain!

TiredMumToTwo · 17/12/2016 17:19

Absolutely hate it, my Mum obviously does too as she promised me she would never turn up unannounced and would always ring or text first so I make sure I do the same to her - and everyone else I know.

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 17/12/2016 17:19

I used to be fine with people popping in, until Thursday.

Dh and I have a bad cold and I texted my mum and said we would be going to bed when the kids were at school and would she mind visiting another day?

Woke up 2 hours later to find her standing by my bed!
She had banged on the door and dh, who was downstairs, let her in, thinking it was a delivery, she then tried to get upstairs to see me and dh told her I was asleep.
She then faked needing the toilet so she could sneak into my room.
Why was it so important that she see me right away?
She had a Christmas card for me Hmm

PNGirl · 17/12/2016 17:24

This has never happened to me and I would never do it. Nobody comes in my house unless I've had enough notice to give the kitchen and downstairs bathroom a quick wipe around, thrown some Toilet Duck down the loo, and checked we've got enough milk to offer tea and coffee.

Families both live 4 hours away in different directions but local friends always give advance notice.

ScarletForYa · 17/12/2016 17:28

Hate it. Rude.

I need a specific ratio of down time: work time to recover from the week at work/college.

If someone 'steals' some of my down time at weekends it means I'm in deficit and not as well able to cope the following week as I didn't get a proper break from the effort of interaction!

cardibach · 17/12/2016 17:31

I think it's a bit of an age thing as some of us became adults in a time without mobiles. Now I generally would text first, but have no issue with someone just turning up. It's a nice surprise (depending who it is...). They have to be happy to take me and the house as we are though. I'd be having no judgment of the mess, thank you very much! My friends and family wouldn't do that, though, so it isn't a problem.

balence49 · 17/12/2016 17:38

I have been known to answer the door wearing my coat with dog on lead. Then I obviously am on my way out.... so they bugger off. Me and the dog have a five min trot round the block and get back to our quiet day.

BattleaxeGalactica · 17/12/2016 17:53

Loathe it.

Dbro got the message some years back when he called in the middle of a massive decluttering session and the house was a pigsty Grin

catlover1987 · 17/12/2016 17:54

I wouldn't mind it so much if the house was clean but it's a constant battle with cat hair and I would like 10 mins notice to run around with the Hoover!

Northernpowerhouse · 17/12/2016 17:57

No, I don't like popperinners. A text an hour or so before please. Not because I am particularly bothered about a messy house, it's just that I might have planned to do some jobs or just to have some down time. Why does their time take priority over mine?
I am having an issue with an acquaintance on this very point. Despite my very polite requests several times to call ahead they don't. It has now got to the stage where i am fed up not being listened to. They, of course, just think I am being difficult!

happychristmasbum · 17/12/2016 18:08

No such thing as "Unannounced visitors" in my world.

If I don't know they are coming, they don't get to visit - door doesn't get opened.

Cary2012 · 17/12/2016 18:13

I love people popping round. It tells me that people care, and they feel welcome.

But I am very chilled generally. My ex hated it, and felt that it was rude and intrusive.

Enkopkaffetak · 17/12/2016 18:18

I miss it. I grew up with this and I loved it. Never happens to me as an adult. I wish it would.

Original poster
LouBlue1507 · 17/12/2016 18:21

Very interesting point about introverts and extroverts and it being like marmite!

OP posts:
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