Is she poor or just stingy

[wowowhatsmyname]

I met my friend through work and he has introduced us to his new boyfriend. His boyfriend has then introduced us to his best friend. We actually all get on great but the problem is his best friend seems not to join in with anything.

We arrive for lunch and she will say she will meet us afterwards. She meets us afterwards for a drink and will never get more than one drink every two hours and never anything alcoholic. I have seen her get a bottle of coke or alcoholic drink out of her bag once and pretend she had bought it at the bar. She has done this a few times.

If we go to a restaurant she never buys any drink except water and gets the cheapest thing on the menu. We went found christmas markets the other day and she ate nothing!

I thought secretly to myself that she must be a bit stingy and/or not like to eat or drink much but whenever I've had a house party she has brought lovely homemade food to share and bought a bottle of wine which was more generous than necessary and she always eats loads and drinks plenty at house parties too!

I'm thinking she is poor (she's unemployed) and maybe can't afford eating and drinking out, but then why come and have to hide your drinks, pretend you fancy the cheapest thing on the menu and drink water while everyone else is tucking into cocktails and wine?

It does affect the atmosphere as she's just sat there sober. If you can't afford it wouldn't you just not come along?

AIBU to think she's stingy and not poor?

She never accepts any offers of food or drink from anyone else so she's not after freebies. I don't know what to think.

When we go to a cheap place she has drinks, dessert and main meal. She seems to have a budget of around £10 and that ranges from a side dish in a posh place to a three course meal and a drink in others.

She sounds poor. And you sound mean, you'd rather she didn't come than come and not spend much? Stop paying so much attention and enjoy your time out.

I think she has some kind of social anxiety around food and drink.

I'm exactly the same, I'm emetophobic and have 'safe' restaurants or places I can eat from. If we go to an 'unsafe' restaurant I will order the cheapest thing as I'm only going to nibble at it to seem like I'm joining in with eating out.

Depending on how well I feel at the time I can drink alcohol or not drink alcohol, I'm much better at house parties than on nights out where I may have to use unclean public toilets.

I think she is doing her best to socialise on a tight budget. I think she would hate to know that she is been so monitored on what she spends and that you think she is tight. She sounds like a very considerate person doing her very best with what she has.
You seem to be looking for a fault with her

Maybe she is just used to managing within her means on a small budget, and gives generously at house parties because it is easier for her to do that, and she likes being generous when she can?

I'd think good for her, to be honest. Sounds to me like she's trying her best to have a social life on a limited budget and could do without people judging her for doing so.

My advice is to mind your own business and leave this person alone as it doesn't sound like it's effecting anyone else.

Shes unemployed and living within her means. Would you prefer to have no social life because she's skint?

Oh come on, OP, ffs - she's unemployed so of course she doesn't have the money to spend in a restaurant.

You've already said she's generous and brings things to shared events - that's because home cooked food is cheaper than restaurant food.

Why are you so horrible to her? Do you really think she should just stay at home?

If she has no work (and no other sources of income) I'm guessing money is a struggle for her. You don't sound very mature or empathetic Tbh OP

And stop watching her so closely, its well creepy.

Why did you include the stuff about her boyfriend and his best friend? What has that got to do with anything?

Why would you rather she wasn't there if she can't drink? That is a dreadful thing to say. She is meant to be your friend- surely you want to just spend time with her?

So because she's poor she shouldn't go out? That's a really bizarre and nasty attitude op.

I just didn't know if it was that or if she was stingy with money.

If she's simply poor I would honestly offer her my food and drink in a subtle manner, but don't want to do that if she's just stingy and doesn't want to spend her own money and she has enough.

I think she's doing her best. If she didn't do this she wouldn't be able to go out, and that's shit. Don't be so mean

You said she is unemployed. So no, she isn't stingy. She simply doesn't have the money to spend on those things! Living on unemployment benefits doesn't allow you to spend money on the kinds of things you're talking about. She doesn't accept offers of food or drinks from others because she knows she can't afford to buy anything back in return.

When I was in her position I wouldn't have been able to buy food and drink at Christmas market prices either. One drink and a bratwurst at the one where I live would cost about £8.50 - if she's unemployed that could be half her entire week's food budget.

You don't have to watch closely to notice. It's absolutely obvious! Certainly not creepy. You can't help notice and I'm sure anyone here would notice a friend who had ordered tap water all evening.

What a nasty thing to say Op. She's trying to socialise (and why shouldn't she) on a tight budget . I hope she finds a nicer 'friend' .

Hahahahahah this is a joke?

Why does she come out if she isn't going to spend money? Because she enjoys your company? What should she do stay in and eat bread and drippings?

Faux navel gazing over why she doesn't join in with lovely cocktails and food

She's doing her best to socialise on a tight budget. It shouldn't matter to you what she orders. She isn't stingy as she brings things to house parties.

Comeon OP she's UNEMPLOYED, she probably gets around 70 quidish a week. Join the dots.

The poor girl sounds skint. I applaud that she's still making the effort and coming out and trying to be sociable. A lot of people would say I'm sorry but I can't afford it and end up missing out. She shouldn't be isolated and miss out on socialising because she has a small budget.

Why don't you order her a cocktail then?

You just said she's overly generous at house parties etc....pay her back with a free drink whilst you're out.

Just because she is on a tight budget, doesn't mean she shouldn't socialise with her friends.
You say she brought lovely homemade food and drink to your house and then call her stingy! I think there's more to this than money. You perhaps want your new gay best friend to yourself and feel a bit threatened by her?
Or you just don't like her.