Is she poor or just stingy

[wowowhatsmyname]

I met my friend through work and he has introduced us to his new boyfriend. His boyfriend has then introduced us to his best friend. We actually all get on great but the problem is his best friend seems not to join in with anything.

We arrive for lunch and she will say she will meet us afterwards. She meets us afterwards for a drink and will never get more than one drink every two hours and never anything alcoholic. I have seen her get a bottle of coke or alcoholic drink out of her bag once and pretend she had bought it at the bar. She has done this a few times.

If we go to a restaurant she never buys any drink except water and gets the cheapest thing on the menu. We went found christmas markets the other day and she ate nothing!

I thought secretly to myself that she must be a bit stingy and/or not like to eat or drink much but whenever I've had a house party she has brought lovely homemade food to share and bought a bottle of wine which was more generous than necessary and she always eats loads and drinks plenty at house parties too!

I'm thinking she is poor (she's unemployed) and maybe can't afford eating and drinking out, but then why come and have to hide your drinks, pretend you fancy the cheapest thing on the menu and drink water while everyone else is tucking into cocktails and wine?

It does affect the atmosphere as she's just sat there sober. If you can't afford it wouldn't you just not come along?

AIBU to think she's stingy and not poor?

She never accepts any offers of food or drink from anyone else so she's not after freebies. I don't know what to think.

Lady Bountiful - thank you!

That's the expression that's been eluding me to describe this dynamic.

What is wrong with the word poor?

"lacking sufficient money to live at a standard considered comfortable or normal in a society"

Sounds unfortunately like a large portion of our society

I don't think the word poor is a
Horrible, I think the way in which the OP is saying it, is. To means it just sounds nasty and patronising.

She ordered tap water she must be poor.

She ordered Tap water she must be struggling.

Same sentence two completely different ways of saying it.

There's not a damn thing 'wrong' with being poor. As my granny used to say "It's no sin to be poor, but it's mighty unhandy". I think it's a shame that stigma has been attached to the word.

No matter how much money one has, we're all just one 'wrong move' or disaster away from being poor. It's good to remember that.

Wow glad I'm not your friend! Horrid thread

You sound very unkind. You'd rather she stayed home so you don't have to feel uncomfortable about her poverty? You could be nice and get her a drink occasionally.

I admire her. She stays within her means and yet still manages a social life

Me too. More imaginative than I was in my time of hardship. I acted like you want your friend to act, staying in, never going out, almost lost the power of speech. And my friends were lovely people who would have happily paid but nobody wants to be a free-loader.