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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting to spend time alone with friendly mother in law...

214 replies

lamii · 19/11/2016 13:09

My mother in law (to be exact, the mom of my long relationship boyfriend) would like to go to the theatre with me. I don't feel comfortable with that even if she is very friendly. She is not like a friend to me. I live abroad and I wish I could go to the theatre with my mum, not my mother in law...
AIBU?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 19/11/2016 13:14

Yes.

Why not use the time to get to know her better?

Sparlklesilverglitter · 19/11/2016 13:15

Why not go?

If you've been together that long why don't you see his family as yours?

To me the mil has made a perfectly nice offer and your rejecting it for no reason

spanieleyes · 19/11/2016 13:16

yes, when i was married, my now ex- mother in law and I went on holidays together, leaving exh at home with the children!

OohhThatsMe · 19/11/2016 13:16

She is offering the hand of friendship and you are rejecting it. Why would you do that? If you live in another country to your own mum, then of course you can't go to the theatre with her. Presumably you made that decision to live away?

MadHattersWineParty · 19/11/2016 13:16

Yeah, it's a bit sad that you don't want to make the effort just because you miss your mum!

EatTheCake · 19/11/2016 13:18

Maybe she wants to get to know you better as you've been with her child a long time?
She is making a nice offer and you reject it, I can't see any reason in your OP for this

Seriously what have you got to lose? Confused

monkeysox · 19/11/2016 13:19

Can you ask your mum too? Try it you might like it

gillybeanz · 19/11/2016 13:20

Yes, YABU.
It isn't her fault you aren't going with your mum.
Maybe use the time to get to know her better, it's not like you'll have to chat much as you'll be watching/ listening to something.
My mum is no longer with us, it doesn't stop me seeing my mil, who whilst is no replacement can be lovely, caring and friendly, most of the time Grin
Just go, you maybe surprised how well you get on.

BubbleGumBubble · 19/11/2016 13:22

YABU and odd.

Your poor mil.

ilovesooty · 19/11/2016 13:22

If she's friendly and pleasant I think it would be really rude and mean spirited to decline.

Original poster
lamii · 19/11/2016 13:23

Right, so my boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5yrs (maybe that's not called long term). I am 30+ and I don't want to feel like a kid.
I don't feel comfortable with doing that, it might be because I have a rebel mind and she likes to be the 'mum' and decide for us...
It might be a good reason but I can't help it to not wanting to go out with her. Maybe that's also related to the fact that I have only one friend where I live and I am always hanging out with older people...

@monkeysox My mum is in my homeland.

OP posts:
Original poster
lamii · 19/11/2016 13:24

*It might not be a good reason

OP posts:
BubbleGumBubble · 19/11/2016 13:28

What are you going on about Confused

Just tell her no because you dont like her.

Original poster
lamii · 19/11/2016 13:29

@BubbleGumBubble I like her, like a mil but not like a friend!!

OP posts:
tiktok · 19/11/2016 13:29

My mil is dead now, but I went to various places with her, and I would never have refused a kind invitation from her. You haven't really explained why you feel reluctant to go. On the face of it, not to go seems cold and unfriendly.

MatildaTheCat · 19/11/2016 13:29

Golly. I have 2 sons with long term girlfriends. I hope neither of them feels like that. She isn't trying to be your mum, she's trying to establish a nice relationship with you in her own right.

Poor woman. Your excuses aren't doing you much credit.

NavyandWhite · 19/11/2016 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Arfarfanarf · 19/11/2016 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lamii · 19/11/2016 13:30

Obvs if I am writing here it's because I want advice AND understanding.

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 19/11/2016 13:30

It's the theatre - you'll hardly have to say a word to each other. If you don't want to see the play/musical etc then say no. It doesn't seem like a biggie.

I guess there's a lot behind this and your relationship with her.

SpecialStains · 19/11/2016 13:31

I love going to the theatre. Really wouldn't mind who I went with.

You are utterly bizarre! Just go and have a nice time.

Confused
BubbleGumBubble · 19/11/2016 13:32

What is there to understand.

People spend time with their family. It is not strange.
Why do you think you should only spebd time with friends?

TaliDiNozzo · 19/11/2016 13:33

I think this is one of those things you should just suck up for the sake of future relationships. If you and your boyfriend are to be together in the future, having a good relationship with his mum now is probably a good idea. Sounds like she's trying to bond with you which is lovely.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 19/11/2016 13:33

How very odd you're being. She sounds a nice woman, it would make her happy, why not go?

Original poster
lamii · 19/11/2016 13:33

@Arfarfanarf thanks for your normal reply. (everyone else is jumping on me)

We know each others already and we have dinners every month with her. We go to the country house sometimes. I mean COME ON I am being nice to her every time I see her. I just don't feel comfortable with being alone with her.

OP posts: