Not wanting to spend time alone with friendly mother in law...

[lamii]

My mother in law (to be exact, the mom of my long relationship boyfriend) would like to go to the theatre with me. I don't feel comfortable with that even if she is very friendly. She is not like a friend to me. I live abroad and I wish I could go to the theatre with my mum, not my mother in law...
AIBU?

I'm sure that if the op did decline the offer then his mother will survive. I'm sure she won't be crying into her Lutefisk and wailing that the op will never have any kind of relationship with her. They have a friendly and good enough relationship plus they see each other anyway. She will either shrug and forget or be mildly put out. Life will go on and so will their relationship.

I imagine she'll probably be relieved if the op turns her down.

Yes

Your loss if you don't accept her offer of friendship. You should embrace the fact that she wants to spend time with you.

I think the better relationship you can forge with your MIL then the better. Especially before kids come along. 17 in MIL and I get on really well but its not plain sailing and takes work on both sides. She's not as forgiving as your own Mum nor common interests as friends but they are essentially pretty cool.

I really cannot understand your problem. You seem to like the woman - or at any rate not to dislike her - so why not go. Sorry, but I really don't get it.

Yes YABU.

I'm curious as to why you're so abjectly opposed to it. You're perfectly entitled to be less than enthused based on solid reasoning but so far your objections have been because:

You have a rebel mind
You have no friends or family close by and you'd prefer to be going with them
Your MIL has never asked you about your passions.

All pretty tenuous sounding to me. Just admit it, can you not stand the woman? Wat is the real reason for not wanting to accept the invitation?

I sympathise...! I have a 'friendly' mother in law and at different times have spent time with her in this way.

However, sometimes I've felt a bit manipulated/drawn into family issues. Sometimes the opportunity has been used to 'talk' to me about an issue or said issue just comes up in conversation - soemthing that I don't feel comfortable her talking to me about. And it can be difficult if you hold very different views on topics - especially if the other person insists on talking about those topics.

My MIL is not a bad person and these things I've been drawn into are not big dramas - but it can be uncomfortable and at sometimes I've avoided contact for that reason!

Having said that, I have spent time with her - to show willing and be supportive and 'do the right thing'. But not necessarily regularly.

Do you worry it will feel very awkward? That she will 'mother you' overly/be bossy?

I don't like going anywhere alone with my MIL because she's one of the most judgemental people I know and whilst she doesn't direct her gossipy bile at me, I don't like listening to it for hours on end.

However Op you say your MIL is lovely so I don't really understand your umwillingness to spend a bit of time with her.

OP I can understand that you feel awkward with your MIL and I would not go to a sauna with my (now ) XMIL but the theatre is less personal/intimate and if it makes her happy accept her offer at least this time. Think up some topics of conversation beforehand such as what are her interests, where she grew up, what she liked to do, how things have changed etc etc. One day you might need to ask a favour of her and you will feel more comfortable if you've made the effort. She might be feeling as shy about being alone in your company as you are but feels she ought to make the effort to show her appreciation of you.
Good luck

The theatre is an easy first time out together as a large part of the evening is sitting watching the show and not talking. She is trying, you should too. You might even enjoy it!

I dont understand why you say you like her as a mil but not as a friend! why does that stop you going to the theatre with her? poor her I think, she's clearly trying!

Hudra It would not surprise me kf MiL does worry about maintaining a relationship ...possibly friendly but "cool" seems likely on the basis of that original post! This may well worry her. I have sympathy!