AIBU to expect my MIL to rearrange lunch

[clarevouwebb]

About 3 weeks ago my MIL said she would like to arrange a family lunch before Christmas with us, her DD & family and her sister & nieces as we won't be spending Christmas together. We said we thought it was a great idea and mil suggested going for a meal somewhere near to where they live which is about 50 min drive from us. We agreed on a date.

About a week ago mil tells dh that she had a text from one of dh cousins suggesting we all go round there for lunch in their new home. Mil agreed to this but said she hadn't read the message properly . This cousin lives at least a 2 hour drive away from us & we have a 6 month old baby. Dh & I agreed that we don't want to spend at least 4 hours in the car in one day with the baby & would rather go somewhere that's relatively convenient for everyone. Dh explained this to mil but she seems reluctant to explain this to the cousin because she already 'accidentally' agreed to it, even though Dh said that we wouldn't go if it's at the cousins house. I'm very annoyed as we were the first ones to agree to this lunch & were looking forward to it and now we are the ones not going because mil thinks it can't be changed. I appreciate that we could do the drive if we really had to but driving for 4 hours wasn't part of the original plan. Aibu to expect mil to rearrange the location so that we can also go even if it means annoying the cousin a bit?

So 2, 2 hour trips. I think yabu.

You have a choice to go or not to go.

I think YABU too. It will be much easier to chat to everyone and for dc to get down and play, etc in someone's house than in a restaurant. It's only an hour further than you were going anyway, and presumably, it will be for longer, so a bigger break in the middle.
We commonly do a 2 hr (each way) journey to meet family.

Plans are made, plans get adapted. People either accept the majority view has changed and they can fall in or decline.

The 'first' thing makes you sound like a petulant child.

YANBU. That long of a drive is no fun with a small baby. Could you stay overnight in a local hotel and make a night of it and break up the journey?

Otherwise plan a different day with MIL for dinner in a place that suits everyone.

The drive don't sound like a big deal to me (but I am another whose family live a distance so been used to travelling that lots before and after babies).
Is this about more other stuff than actually the meal?

Living as we go in the middle of nowhere, a 2 hour drive is nothing, and it is only an hour further than you would have driven. Maybe I have been lucky that all my children/grandchildren have been no trouble in the car. So yes, I do think YAB a little U.

Could DH get in touch with cousin

It's 2 hrs not 12, so I think YABU, but you can always say no.

It is Christmas and the cousin is probably keen to let his family see his new house. I would just go with it, and maybe take it as a wee night away in a nice hotel.

Depends if this plan suits the majority

Friends in the US and in Australia think nothing of driving 4 - 6 hours for a thing and then driving home again. I guess that's living in a country that's huge. We view it differently in the UK.

But I do kind-of think having a babe in arms makes you set what works for the baby a priority and that people around you should respect that. Especially if you're breast feeding.

so, I'm a bit on the fence with this one.

I think you could do it, it's do-able. But if you choose not to - and that decision rests with you - you shouldn't be blamed for it.

Sorry for the vanilla response to the OP!

If your baby is good in the car/ likes the car then it's a bit annoying but doable. Mine hates the car so we'd never attempt it 😂

I'd be annoyed about not being consulted about the change of plans but would probably go with it for the sake of peace.

Next year offer to organise?

OP only you and your DH can say whether it is reasonable to expect you to travel for that length of time with your baby. If baby generally sleeps on car journeys it shouldn't be too much of a problem but if there's a problem it won't be fun of any of you.
I can understand your disappointment about the change of plans and it was unreasonable of your mil to agree to a change without consulting those affected. Maybe she will get brave enough to talk to the cousin or else you could arrange another date with mil etc.
Hope it works out for you.
Good luck

I've been traveling further than that with 2 kids for years since they were weeks old - they mostly sleep and you some times have to feed then en route (and listen to some rubbish CDs) but it's really not difficult.

Personally I wouldn't do a 4hour round trip with a 6 month old.
Other options you could meet up with family on a different day, invite them to your house.

We do a 2 hour journey to DHs rellies.

I drink. He drives.

YANBU to not go.
Some babies are a nightmare in cars (DD1 screams and vomits, DD2 would sleep. I think some of the responses are from people with babies like DD2)
YABU to expect it to be rearranged for you - yes it's annoying that your MIL didn't stick to the plan but it happens.

YABU - 2 x 2hr trip with a six month old isn't unmanageable. It's a special occasion and six months is a very transportable age.
Life within a family is about going with the majority, just cause you had a plan 'first' makes you sound very pfb.
Honestly, in a year or so (when you are dealing with a toddler) you will be laughing at how you thought traveling in a car with a six month old was difficult.

Yabu in that I think if it's a dealbreaker you or DH should contact your cousin direct rather than asking MIL to sort it out. Don't stew over it, just go along with it or speak to your cousin grown-up to grown-up.

As it's just a one off it sounds quite doable to me with your average baby. If yours screams endlessly in the car, or you commute hours every weekday and are on your knees with exhaustion then it is not sensible.

Two hour drives not bad at all. We done it two weeks ago (and everytime I go to my brothers) for my brothers wedding with three kids. We done it in September left at ten, there for twelve for nephews first birthday party then headed home at half three. It's totally fine.

I'd go and stay overnight in a local b and b or hotel so you can both have a few drinks. Then travel home the next afternoon.

What ILive said. When DD was 5 months old we drove to the south of France, with an overnight and lots of regular stops on the way. DD loved being in the car. DS was still is a whole different animal. Even when he was 6 months the hr drive to my parent's was torturous.

Also, just because you agreed to a lunch on one set of terms doesn't mean you can't say it doesn't work for you when those terms change. Do something else with MIL yourselves, sadly she'll have to live without everyone together in one hit.

DD hates being in her car seat for any length of time. The cousin lives at least an hour away from everyone but I can understand they want to show their new house. Maybe aibu to expect the location to be changed but we won't be going on this occasion. Neither DH or I like long drives so would just prefer to not go.

Depending on the time of day, the baby will probably sleep all the way there and then, after a busy day, sleep all the way home.

YANBU to be miffed that MiL didn't consult her guests about the change before agreeing to it, but YABU to think it's a journey from hell. With a toddler, maybe. With an infant, no.

YANBU. She changed the plans without asking you.

But I would still go.