To want people to abide by my rules for public transport

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

My pet peeves on a busy London commute at the moment:

-People who get up (forcing you to move) ages before their actual stop. Unless you have mobility issues, lots of luggage or are on an absurdly busy train you don't need to be standing by the doors whilst you are still miles from your stop.

-If you are waiting for a train other than the next one arriving, then don't wait at the platform edge blocking people getting on and off the first train. Particularly if you then get the hump at people pushing past you.

Add your own rules and rants...

If the bus is filling up, take your shopping off the seat next to you.

No playing music out loud.

You do not need to shout when addressing the person next to you.

A particular favourite of mine in the run-up to Christmas:

At Waterloo station, train starts boarding 15 mins before departure. Popular commuter train. Without fail at least one group of day-trippers gets on at the last minute and makes passive-aggressive comments about not being able to sit together / at all.

The bell on the bus only needs to be rung ONCE per bus stop. Not once per person. Where has such fuckwittedness come from?

Don't smoke! I know there's an actual law about this but still people do. I had an awesome driver who told the smokers off and told them off some more cos I was on with my son who is on o2!

If your child isn't sitting in the pushchair, collapse the damn thing so someone else can get on with theirs. We aren't all able to collapse ours and it seriously pisses me off being left at a bus stop cos someone's buggy is there and open bit empty cos said 4 yo is running up and down the bus

Don't bring smelly food on to the bus and leave the greasy wrappers on the seat

Don't bring fizzy drinks on the bus and leave the half empty can on the floor where it spills and everyone else has to step through a sticky puddle

Don't put your dirty shoes on the seat

Don't allow your dog to sit on the seat

and breathe.........

Don't talk to me ever.?

Don't stand there generously letting loads of people on in front of you without checking that there isn't another group of people standing behind you who've been standing in the pissing rain waiting for longer than any of the fuckers you're merrily waving through.

If you do decide to do this, don't go all pissy-whiskers when someone taps you on the shoulder and asks you to for the love of fuck just get on the damned bus already.

Stay on your own fucking seat so you're not sitting on half of mine.

What about those men with massive knobs? So big they can't get their legs together and need to invade your space?

People who get up (forcing you to move) ages before their actual stop.
What are you defining as ages?

If you have bad breath just don't fucking breathe. Hold your breath or something but i don't want to smell your dog breath. 😷

When getting on a busy train don't decide to stand in the vestibule when there are still seats available, leading everyone else to assume there are no seats and also stand, resulting in being crammed in like sardines and not everyone being able to get on the train.

If it is standing room only on the bus/train please move on up instead of congregating at the front making getting on and off a nightmare and resulting in people missing their stop,

If you see someone who you think is in need of your seat more than you, give yours up instead of staring at the floor hoping someone else will.

No smelly food.

No cutting nails on the bus (I had someone do this on a very regular basis for 6 months once )

For the love of God, get your money/bus pass out of your bag BEFORE the bus turns up. You know the driver will ask for it, so why the fuck do so many people have to take around, too the contents out of their bag, start patting pockets, etc in a huffy manner as if it's the most unreasonable thing in the world.

Don't sit next to me anyone where there are a multitude of empty seats on the rest of the bus. It makes you look creepy and weird.

Men that insist on sitting legs akimbo - your knob is not that big, put your legs together ffs, or I may have to break one off and club you to death with it the next time your knee touches mine.

If you are unsure of which direction to turn at the bottom of the escalator, once you've got off, move several steps away from the escalator before stopping to consult your map, thus avoiding the risk of bodies piling up behind you...

LET THE DAMN PASSENGERS OFF THE TRAIN FIRST !

And buy headphones that work/don't assume the entire carriage/vehicle want to listen to your shitty music hissing out of your pathetic tinny speaker.

Ffs rake around and tip the contents. The red mist of public transport rage has rendered me unable to type correctly

Please don't use public transport at the same time as me. I expect it to be empty, clean and on time, and you are just spoiling it for me.

If you've got a cold, bring some tissues or a hankie. Don't do massive snotty sniffs for the entire journey.

Don't have anything longer than a 20 second conversation on your phone. I do not want to know anything about your life.

Long phone calls!!! I can't be the only person who finds this insufferable (and quite rude?!?) can I?!

Wash.

When the train is ram packed it's quicker if those near the door get off to let people off instead of blocking the exit.