To want people to abide by my rules for public transport

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

My pet peeves on a busy London commute at the moment:

-People who get up (forcing you to move) ages before their actual stop. Unless you have mobility issues, lots of luggage or are on an absurdly busy train you don't need to be standing by the doors whilst you are still miles from your stop.

-If you are waiting for a train other than the next one arriving, then don't wait at the platform edge blocking people getting on and off the first train. Particularly if you then get the hump at people pushing past you.

Add your own rules and rants...

And finally, if you stand on the wrong side of the escalator or put your suitcase on it, you are an arse!

And another (this is like therapy , sorry for the barrage of posts!). Do not lean against poles so that I have nothing to hold on to and keep kneeling falling into the lap of another poor commuter just so you can read your newspaper/book/mobile. Even worse, don't lean back on the poles and crush my hand.

On hindsight, maybe it is time for me to find a job outside of London

Tissues, people, use a fucking tissue!

Oh goodness, this post reminded me of all the reasons I'm glad I left London and now live up north where it's much more relaxed and less busy everywhere.

Do not put make up on whilst travelling. Either do it before you leave home, or wear none.

Walk or use the bus if your journey is less than a mile, not the car.

Please do not talk to your children in that loud irritating voice that is mainly for the benefit of others around you and not really for your child. Who are you showing off to? No one is impressed or cares!

Strangely putting makeup on doesn't both me in the slightest

No craning your neck over my shoulder to read my Times/Standard. I can FEEL you reading what I'm reading.

Put your all your phones/iPads/blackberry away ffs. Read a good book instead! Everyone on the trains stare at screens these days. Very sad.

Ladies for the love of god keep your legs crossed. Yes that's a very smart skirt suit but please stop flashing your knickers.

Do not apply nail varnish on trains.

Oh who mentioned seat swivvelers???

Last week a woman swivvelers to let me out and I asked her to move again (politely of course) and she just said "I've moved my fucking legs haven't I" and stayed put. I think my fat arse and bag in her face whilst I squished past was my little victory.

If you are standing next to the door on a rammed tube, STEP OFF and stand aside to allow people off. Then you can get back on. Don't force the poor gits to squeeze through a basically non-existent gap.

Have your fucking oyster ready. You know you're getting on a bus/going through the fucking gates well in advance, so why the fuck do you then need to stand there like a gormless twat. Today. Every fucking day.

Move down the fucking bus, you selfish tosspots. You are not superglued to the floor, you will not die if you touch another human being, and the driver really will not move off if you ignore it.

The bell has been pressed, I can tolerate another one, but if you just move your eye away from candy crush, you will see the illuminated 'bus stopping' light, so STOP FUCKING PRESSING IT YOU DICK. Same person, every fucking day.

Oh, and you, special fucking lady, I will NOT make my daughter stand when there is a seat next to you and your poxy bags.

That's better.

It would seem the 319 is a source of rage to me...

Put your all your phones/iPads/blackberry away ffs. Read a good book instead! Everyone on the trains stare at screens these days. Very sad.

To be fair many people, myself included, actually read books in their phone via the Kindle app.

Don't use the lifts in stations unless you really need to. Especially at busy times

Frikadela I am the seat swivel hater. How much effort does it take to stand up for a few seconds?! unless of course you are unable to move easily

At the ticket barrier make sure you understand which ticket you need, don't get confused by the out and return ticket and no, the reciept won't work.
Wait until the doors are unlocked before pressing the button.
Wait until people get off before getting on.
And on a Saturday morning don't sit in my carriage it is the only time I am alone all week ! Have a lie in its the weekend don't rush to get the early my train.

Put your all your phones/iPads/blackberry away ffs. Read a good book instead! Everyone on the trains stare at screens these days. Very sad.

Back in the day before smart phones etc, people would just be rude and take up loads of room with their broadsheet newspapers (Telegraph readers were a particuarly poor breed) or wrap themselves around the pole to read their novels, meaning everyone else went flying when the train stopped.

layercake9 My grandfather was a printer. My father told me that if he noticed someone reading his paper on the train he would just turn it upside down and carry on reading, which he could do as easily as right way up. I never knew him, but I can imagine how that flummoxed the buggers!

Don't sit on the outer seat and then expect someone to have to climb over you

Leave your fucking backpack home or better burn it.

Don't wear it on the Tube or the train where you hit me with it overtime you move.

Don't fucking swish your hair in my face.

Don't fucking eat soup or anything stinky or crumbly.

Don't faff around looking for your Oyster right by the ticker barrier.

And to those Pokemon Go freaks desperately trying to catch them all onto the track trains, stay BEHIND the yellow line.

Look, signal, manoeuvre. Don't just barge around in crowded spaces.

Stand on the sodding right.

When you light up your cigarette just outside the station, don't stride along waving it at small child eye height.

This a good courtesy campaign:

www.transitchicago.com/courtesy/

Don't eat cheesey wotsits, swing around on the metal bars and then lick your disgusting powdery, germ ridden fingers. Cheese powder smeared everywhere and then licking your fingers? Come on.