To want people to abide by my rules for public transport

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

My pet peeves on a busy London commute at the moment:

-People who get up (forcing you to move) ages before their actual stop. Unless you have mobility issues, lots of luggage or are on an absurdly busy train you don't need to be standing by the doors whilst you are still miles from your stop.

-If you are waiting for a train other than the next one arriving, then don't wait at the platform edge blocking people getting on and off the first train. Particularly if you then get the hump at people pushing past you.

Add your own rules and rants...

Whilst transferring trains at busy interchange stations STOP WAFTING AND WEAVING ABOUT LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE. Put it away and walk in a efficient manner to your next train!

When someone me is politely waiting on the platform for a train don't rock up and stand right in front me beyond the yellow line when the train arrives at the station. because will accidentally hit you with my handbag when we're in the carriage

If you're on a train at a table seat opposite me, don't go to have a nap whilst using the table as a pillow especially when you have waist length bushy hair that you want to fling all the way across to me. Because I will accidentally on purpose drop the contents of my sandwich in it (this happened on a 2.5 hour journey to Birmingham)

Also if you're sharing a table with me use the overhead or side storage space for your cases, not underneath the table, and give me a dirty look when you realise I have the audacity to have feet.

If you have a massive backpack on, on the tube in rush hour, take it off and put it by your feet, rather than taking out half the carriage every time you move!

And when you go to pick it up again, for the love of god please check that there isn't a 7 months pregnant woman stood behind you before swinging it forcefully up onto your shoulder, straight into her stomach. (TWICE IN A ROW THIS WEEK, and it's only bloody Wednesday! )

Don't shout "Move along please!!" down he sardine can of a carriage if no one can move anywhere

If you need to stop in a busy station, move aside or I will push past you. I'm in a hurry.

Don't sit next to me on the bus when there are other free seats? That's so weird.

Don't hog the train toilet for 15 mins

Do not sit next to/opposite me if the rest of the carriage is empty.

If you do have to sit next to/opposite me do not speak to me, I want to read my book in peace.

If you're going to sneeze do it into your arm, not the back of my head. I have never forgive that guy.

Also, if I wanted to listen to Rita Ora latest I would have downloaded it myself.

Keep your music to yourself.

I have just remembered a rush hour commute home a few years ago on a very hot day. A man sat down opposite me and he was sweating heavily (fair enough, it was very hot). Before he got off at the next stop, he took a tissue out, wiped up all the sweat off his face and then dropped it on the seat next to him

I think an MN guide to appropriate commuter etiquette is needed thank you OP

And for heaven's sake please keep your feet off the seats.

Don't ignore point blank ignore your screaming child whilst sitting playing on your phone/reading the paper etc

Put your make-up on at home, don't wait till you're on the train to do it.

No sniffing, spitting, hawking or generally doing any other disgusting thing involving mucus.

And learn this: if you turn up at Waterloo at, say, 5.10 and the 5.25 is waiting at the platform, it really won't go till 5.25. There is no need whatsoever to get into a panic and run madly for the train, knocking old people and children over as you go, as if you're under the impression that the fact that it's at the platform means it's going to leave within seconds.

Can't stand sitting next to people on laptops with clicky keys and having the incessant tapping for the entire train journey, they should be banned from the quiet carriage. Twats

Don't try and put your kid in a buggy at the bottom of a rush hour escalator and expect the commuters to accept 'we have small children' as any kind of excuse. You and your kid are going to cause an accident, move away a safe distance so no-one gets trampled or worse.

If you are able to, please offer your seat to those with baby on board badges or the new TFL "please offer me seat" badge rather than just gawping at them.

Equally don't assume someone doesn't need a seat because they're not wearing a badge. If someone says no to moving then take it with good grace- you don't know their reasons.

Are YOU a common commuter? Etiquette expert reveals the worst public transport transgressions (and you're probably guilty of more than you realise)

By William Hanson for MailOnline
08:17, 16 Nov 2016, updated 16:20, 16 Nov 2016

Oh yes, stop trying to walk and look at your phone at the same time. It's no different to walking whilst trying to read a book- you will walk at snail's pace. Surely the website about car tyres or best mugs can wait until you're sitting down? My train usually arrives at my station on time but won't get to London until it's at least 10 mins late hence the majority of the train rushing madly for their next connection apart from these bastard dawdlers!
And YY to sitting next to me in an empty carriage- a pair of twats decided to sit next to me on a long journey with their suitcases. Arseholes.
I also hate people who are rude and aggressive to station staff.

Get decent headphones, so your tinny music dosnt irritate the entire bus.
Cover mouth when sneezing/coughing.
Have your pass/money ready when getting on, dont look blankly at the driver then start rumaging in the depths of your bag for the next 5 minutes.
When the bus fills up, move your bag off the seat next to you.
If the bus is full and people get on, try and move out of the way ( obviously not sardine capacity, I mean just a few standing). Unlike the guy on my bus tonight who just stood in the way when a little old lady was trying to get on with her zimmerframe on wheels. Unlucky for him, she was quite fiesty and roared "shift!" Then rammed him with her frame.

Alexa the Mail etiquette expert is ridiculous totally looking that up now to have a good laugh

Don't lean your whole body against the pole thus preventing other passengers holding onto it.

Agree - put your bags by your feet if it's busy.

If a staircase is one way, don't the dick going the opposite way.

On the Kings Cross tube interchange there is a minimum walking speed of 4mph.

If you're on a packed train in a coat, it may be necessary to open the window even if it is winter.

Consider sitting upstairs on the bus rather than overcrowding downstairs.

Turn the key tones off your mobile phone. And don't have shit conversations on your phone, that's not what smartphones are for.

Some people have to buy a season ticket from the queue. This can take a while, so don't stand next in the queue huffing and puffing when you could just go a buy your straightforward ticket from the machine. And look at the screen rather than holding up the queue.

Don't sit opposite me picking your nose. If you really can't refrain from nose picking please don't then study the extracted bogey now stuck on the end of your finger. Definitely DO NOT then proceed to consume said bogey!

All wheely cases are banned from use on escalators - get the lift.

The ticket office of a busy London Station is not a place to seek detailed advice on your vague plans for a rail safari of Nicaragua, Via Crawley and Haywards Heath, starting on a Sunday in January 2020.

Don't file your nails in a train carriage - I don't want to inhale powdered bits of your body. And don't bloody put on nail varnish either - there's not enough air.