To want people to abide by my rules for public transport

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

My pet peeves on a busy London commute at the moment:

-People who get up (forcing you to move) ages before their actual stop. Unless you have mobility issues, lots of luggage or are on an absurdly busy train you don't need to be standing by the doors whilst you are still miles from your stop.

-If you are waiting for a train other than the next one arriving, then don't wait at the platform edge blocking people getting on and off the first train. Particularly if you then get the hump at people pushing past you.

Add your own rules and rants...

I have to sit on the aisle and swivel at the moment because I'm on crutches!
I think it's makes up for the shocking behaviour of commuters towards me when I'm trying to get on or off the train.
Why can't they give me a bit of patience and space?! It's obvious I'm struggling FFS!
I've learned to always shuffle to the last carriage. Less people, but still enough that I really have problems getting through the sardines.

All wheely cases are banned from use on escalators - get the lift

I didn't know that. I only take a wheely case on a train very occasionally (less than once a year) but I don't bother with the lift as it is a small case.

I know the larger ones are banned from the escalators at several airports I've been to.

I didn't know that.

It's not an official rule - we're contributing our own - that would be mine as it would prevent the ripple effect of all the wheely-case users stopping at the top and bottom of each set of stairs/escalator to retract/extend the handle whilst everyone else tries to avoid piling up behind them :)

I do sometimes get up too early for my stop - I fret about not being able to get there in time if I leave it too late (I suffer from anxiety, and fretting about stupid things is one of my major accomplishments ).

I don't tend to travel on busy trains, or terribly often, so hopefully I am not pissing off and inconveniencing too many people.

Truly excellent thread. I agree with every word . Also nicking the phrase 'pissy whiskers'

But for extra emphasis:

• do not queue barge your way onto the bus or train
• unless you have mobility issues, are massively pregnant or have a tiny child with you, get upstairs on the bus
• people who stand in the back doorway of the bus in the way of every single person on the bus will get the flamethrower when I am Queen of the Universe
• let people off the train first
• use a tissue like a big boy / girl if you need to
• put your legs together you total pig
• absolutely no music / videos to be played out loud. EVER.
• keep your voice down - you're not in a zoo
• turn your goddamn bastard key tones off on your phone
• take your bag and coat and assorted crap off the seat next to you
• if the person in the window seat needs to get out, then lift your lazy butt out of the seat and let them out properly, instead of swivelling in a half-hearted manner
• your 2 year old taking 500 years to get down the stairs on the bus is adorable. No, really. Now pick them up and get out of my jeffing way

I'm sure there are millions of others. I absolutely never set foot on public transport without my MP3 player and headphones. It helps

My MIL lives in Cornwall and she says the local buses have a sign inside that says 'please don't get out of your seat until the bus has come to a full stop'. This blows my frantic addled Londoner's brain

Don't ride a bike in the station.
Especially, don't ride your bike through the sodding ticket barriers.
If you must ride your bike in a crowded station try not to hit any pedestrians.
If you can't cycle through a crowded station without hitting pedestrians that's a sign that you should get off your sodding bike until you are out of the sodding station you fuckwit.

Don't stop at the top of the escalator and piss around with your luggage.
If you must stop at the top of the escalator and piss around with your luggage, don't get pissy when I ask you to get out of the way because my shoes are starting to get chewed by the top of the escalator.

Your bag does not need its own seat when the train or bus is crowded.
Conversely, if the train or bus is almost empty, save your breath and don't spend the journey huffing because one of the two other people in your line of site has their shopping on the seat.

And please, wash sometimes. I routinely experience a pong on my local buses that is less about skipping a shower today or doing a day's physical work or a gym session with no access to washing facilities and more about sustained soap-dodging.

If it is a full tube / train / bus take your luggage of the seat BEFORE I ask you to move IT. Don't make me beg. You can see the train is busy. MOVE IT and don't huff as you do it

Another thing - if you decide to let someone get on ahead if you, because of some chivalrous impulse, do it graciously instead of shooing them through with a miserable snarl on your face

No, no, no, no, no - I didn't want to make anyone feel bad - I am so sorry, PrivatePike.

Don't get on the bus with chips unless you are going to offer them round to everybody

The tables on most trains have 4 seats round them. Don't fill the entire table top with your laptop, your tablet, your book, both your mobile phones etc. You look like a tit and the other 3 people might want to at least put their coffee down.

If we are both standing don't try and push past me ages before the next stop to get to the doors. I am getting off too.

This is not popular on MN but don't sit your four young kids all in a line on seats AND have the empty buggy there on a crowded train. One in his buggy, two sharing a seat and one on your knee allows three more people to sit down!

BadKnee, I agree. No need for tiny children to have their own seat - put them on your lap!

Also agree with all pp's who have mentioned noise, smells, rucksacks, personal space, dawdlers etc.

Anyone really who is not either considerate or respectful of others.

When I had young children and a buggy I noticed it was almost always young men, (teens) who offered to help carry the buggy up the various flights of stairs. That may not be the case now - but it was often the most unlikely looking chaps.

I was always v grateful and it made me re-think my attitude towards scary-looking teenage boys! (I have got one of my own now! )

Humpty
- camel got there before me. Selfish fucking pole hoggers. Your entire body does not need to be pressed against the pole. If you do that, I will insert my bony fist into the small of your back and move it until you fucking get the picture I do exactly that!!

Was once on a totally empty train from Belgrade to Sarajevo. Conductor said 'no need to book seats, sit anywhere', so we (DP & I) did.

Only to be forcibly removed 30 seconds later by a Hyacinth Bucket English lady shouting in slow English, 'we have booked these seats! We have booked these seats' wafting her hand throughout the 50 seat carriage and shooing is away.

So do understand local customs and don't act as if you are the only person on the train.

(But clearly if you are in England and you have booked seats, do make sure the seat stealer is proper reprimanded.)

Right here goes:-
Let people off the bus/train before attempting to get on. It is basic common sense FFS!
Don't hog a seat with your bag. Your bag has not paid for a ticket,I'm sure.
Don't sit behind me chewing gum loudly with your mouth open.
Don't use the back of my head as a rest for your newspaper.

Posted too soon!
Please don't let your child grab hold of my walking stick,thinking it's a pole. It startles me and is unsafe for them.
And finally,if I am sitting in the outside seat and I'm in your way when you need to get off,please let me wait until the bus stops before I stand up. If I stand up to let you past when the bus is flying around a corner,I am likely to lose my balance and end up on the floor. That's all!

And don't keep pressing the ruddy bell! The driver only needs to hear it once ad a sign lights up in front of him to tel that someone wants to get off!