...to ask you to share your embarassing hospital/doctor related experiences? (lighthearted)

[Niggit]

Recently, I had to have an upper GI tract endoscopy - basically a flexible camera down my throat into my stomach. The information sheet said something along the lines of "the procedure may cause a little retching". Now, my bladder control isn't all it could be under stress, having had a couple of DC an' all, so I thought I'd be all prepared and wear a maxi pad.

Oh dear. Oh dearie me. I'll draw a veil over the actual event, but when it was all over and I got up off the couch, I left an absolute pond behind - so much so that even the poor nurse, who was lovely (unlike the surgeon driving the endoscope, who I think secretly wanted to work for Dynorod), gave me a bit of a look. I had to travel home sitting on the dog towel.

The other one that springs to mind was shortly after the birth of DD, when we were all at home snuggled up together and feeling smug, DH decided that was the perfect moment to describe how my haemorrhoids inflated as I was bearing down. And now, even after all these years, I can't think about her birth without remembering that.

So AIBU to ask you to cheer me up on this grotty grey afternoon by sharing some of your toe-curling medical moments?

On a visit to the doctors to get my bum hole examined for piles/skin tags/some terrible horror. After the doctor had inserted her gloved finger she showed me the finger and said 'Look! No blood. Just some lubricant and faeces'. Why.

When i was 17 i had a suspected blood clot in my heart or lungs, believed to be related to the pill. Went to A+E, taken to a curtained "cubicle", told to strip to just my knickers as i needed an ECG, so i did, stood there in just my knickers, hands covering chest. Thankfully i got a lady doctor, who smiled sympathetically when she came in and explained i was allowed/assumed i would put the hospital gown on i'd been given. I took them literally when they said i had to take everything off but my knickers, and they never actually said i could put the gown on.

Miss patients do that all the time [grim] the phrase "oh no, erm, you can put the gown back on actually!" is firmly in my repertoire. I think people panic under stress.

fail

The exact same happened to me recently only I was sedated so wasn't aware til I came to and my clothes were sodden. I got dh to bring some clothes with him when he collected me

I am terrified of the dentist, and also of the hygienist, so tend to lie on the chair gripping the arms and with shaking legs. I once got off the chair and realised I'd trodden in dog shit on my way to the appointment, which was now smeared all over the chair. I legged it before the hygienist noticed, although I'm sure she could smell it!

I had a colonoscopy under sedation - now DH (then BF) came along. Ordered broccoli soup for lunch afterwards which I started wolfing down. Surgeon came in to my room to tell me the results. Half way through his spiel the broccoli soup made a reappearance.

Had to run into the Ensuite vomiting green liquid exorcist style. Having been pumped full of air to see my colon, with every retch I let off a horse-like extended fart.

Reader, he married me the fool

I threw up spectacularly all over the GP.

I got his suit, his shirt and his shoes.

To be fair I did warn him. I did say "if you keep doing that I'll be sick"

He said "don't be silly - you'll be fine".

He did not see the funny side unsurprisingly.

The most humiliating thing that has happened to me was when I went to the Dr's (thankfully female) as I thought I had some kind of vaginosis/infection. I just had a bit of coloured discharge and a bit of a stronger smell - nothing drastic though.

Anyway, she did swabs when I was there and a wee test and there was no sign of infection...so she asked if she could have a look/give me an internal, which was fine.

So there I am, her hand rummaging around when she goes 'Oh...wait...there's something in here' TMI coming up:

Then proceeds another few minutes of pulling and pushing until she pulls out the filthiest, smelliest most disgusting looking 'lump' from my vagina...which turns out to be a tampon. Honestly, it was the most disgusting looking thing i'd ever seen and I was gobsmacked. She asked me when I had last used a tampon and I had to be honest and say I actually had been using pads for a number of months. She was amazed that i'd had so few symptoms (dh and I had DTD and everything, noticing nothing) as the risk of TSS must have been huge as it had clearly been in there for weeks and weeks

*I threw up spectacularly all over the GP.

I got his suit, his shirt and his shoes.

To be fair I did warn him. I did say "if you keep doing that I'll be sick"

He said "don't be silly - you'll be fine".*

Reminds me of the young doctor who broke my waters after rummaging around in my foof for ages, trying to see how dilated I was. Loads came out and as he was sat on the bed, he was soaked probably right through to his knickers but I was not in the least embarrassed about it as it was entirely his own fault.

You know when you have a baby the post natal midwives never really tell you when they're coming round, they just give you a date and you're expected to wait in for them..?

Well, one went and rocked up when we had visitors. All fine until she said she'd need to examine my stitches. Asked visitors to go into the other room which they happily did. She then proceeded to very very loudly exclaim how massive my haemorrhoids were, to make sure I clean them properly and what prescription have I been given to deal with them.

Visitors heard it all. Gah! Just fucking shout about the state of my fanny and arsehole why don't you?!

In a side room under high observation with pneumonia and asthma, could barely breathe and this utterly gorgeous doctor comes in. I didn't have a bra on and I had horrendously hairy legs and he wanted to see them for some reason (ECG maybe?). God was I embarrassed!

I was pumped up with morphine after a vomiting blood episode and a dr came along with a nurse and said he needed to do a rectal examination to check I wasn't bleeding from the bowel.

I woosily told the nurse in a stage whisper that I was on my period and to tell the dr in case he got mixed up. She laughed and the dr, who was v young, blushed.

I was lying on the bed, hadn't had any sleep from the night before, being induced and had had an epidural when a male consultant came in the room to talk to me. He stood at the foot of the bed with his groin pressed on my foot. I could feel the pressure, see him do it, but couldn't move my leg! What a pervert! I was in no state to object!!

Cats that's absolutely shocking!!! Grim.

I spent 10 hours of my protracted labour shouting "am I having a poooooo".

When I was pregnant with dd I was having an examination and a junior doctor was in as well . He was about my age at the time and very good looking . During the examination he stood at the far end of the bed and looked me in the eyes . Perhaps he was uncomfortable and didn't know where to look but it was much more uncomfortable for me ! I didn't know what to do with my face . Awful

Aged 13 I'd broken my finger at school.

Went to minor injuries to get it checked. Got called in, and was asked to strip from the waist down! I was mortified, crying 'But why, I've only hurt my finger!' Turned out they'd accidentally put me in for the drop in smear clinic! Was so emrassassed.

The nurse did say she thought I was a bit young.

Getting measured for a contraceptive diaphragm. I was there, legs akimbo, and the doctor would try one, then ask the nurse for the next size up. By about the fifth time this happened I just wailed 'oh goddddd!'. The doctor assured me it was because I was 'nice and slim', and the slimmer you are the less fat you have in your foof to pad things out. Some slight compensation for having fanny like a wizard's sleeve I guess

Oh I've thought of another one. I went to see the osteopath about my spd when heavily pregnant. I hadn't had sex for about 7 months, so my lady garden was a little unkempt, to say the least. To make matters worse, I was wearing a skimpy pair of lacy see through knickers (that didn't fit because I'd piled on 4 stone).

I got there and the osteopath was FIT, and about my age. It hadn't occurred to me that I would need to take the bottom half of my clothing off, but the first thing he got me to do was strip down to my underwear and just stand there, so he could look at my posture or something. So I stood there, cheeks burning, with my huge bump, looking like ZZ Top was trying to escape from my knickers, while this extremely attractive man surveyed me, for what felt like forever. Oh the shame.

I had a suspicious mole removed a couple of years ago and got quite twitchy about all my other moles afterwards and started to get a bit panicked about them all. I worked in the hospital where I had it removed so I emailed my consultant and asked if it would be okay to come back to clinic to have a mole check - he was really lovely and emailed straight back and said I could just come in to clinic that afternoon (I was at work that day). I went rushing down to clinic and he took me in and said he'd do a full body mole exam - I had to strip off and put a gown on, in my relief at being seen immediately I'd totally forgotten that I had black lacy knickers on that day that were completely see through.. I was mortified! I still see him round the hospital now and can't look him in the eye - he must remember me as the one with the inappropriate underwear!

When I had ds2 it was incredibly quick, I bore down and actually did a poo on the bed while standing with one leg cocked in the air, I had him two second later still standing like that-lucky the midwife had good catching reflexes

Thanks YoungGirl I absolutely roared with laughter at your post! This thread is marvellous

CatsMother66 - exact same thing (pressing groin against foot) happened to me many years ago twice - once a doctor - right after I'd had a miscarriage, once a dentist. Too young and intimidated to say anything at the time, but in hindsight, what perverts. Wish I could go back in time and call them out!

When I was in labour, I realised that I needed to poo, and despite reading everything saying it was totally normal, I was 19 and embarrassed and decided to try and hold it in "until the baby was born". Two hours later, it was getting really, really painful to hold it in and taking all my effort, so I finally admitted that I needed to poo. They tried to get me onto the toilet chair thing but the pain was unbearable, like my whole body was being torn in two. They tried to get me in a comfier position on the bed to poo, but again any movement was agony.

The midwife decided to examine me and as it turns out, I was actually at 10cm - I didn't need to poo at all. I have no idea how long I was at 10cm for, but I'd felt the urge to push for two hours. To my absolute shame, when she told me "You're 10cm, you're about to have a baby", all I could whimper was

"Are you sure it's not a giant poo?".

DP hasn't let me live that one down

Still it worked out well as 9 minutes and 3 pushes later, she was out!