Recently, I had to have an upper GI tract endoscopy - basically a flexible camera down my throat into my stomach. The information sheet said something along the lines of "the procedure may cause a little retching". Now, my bladder control isn't all it could be under stress, having had a couple of DC an' all, so I thought I'd be all prepared and wear a maxi pad.
Oh dear. Oh dearie me. I'll draw a veil over the actual event, but when it was all over and I got up off the couch, I left an absolute pond behind - so much so that even the poor nurse, who was lovely (unlike the surgeon driving the endoscope, who I think secretly wanted to work for Dynorod), gave me a bit of a look. I had to travel home sitting on the dog towel.
The other one that springs to mind was shortly after the birth of DD, when we were all at home snuggled up together and feeling smug, DH decided that was the perfect moment to describe how my haemorrhoids inflated as I was bearing down. 
And now, even after all these years, I can't think about her birth without remembering that.
So AIBU to ask you to cheer me up on this grotty grey afternoon by sharing some of your toe-curling medical moments?
AIBU?
...to ask you to share your embarassing hospital/doctor related experiences? (lighthearted)
Niggit · 16/11/2016 15:33
I had a breast biopsy then had to have a mammogram straight afterwards. I felt a bit light headed and fainted whilst in the machine. Fell backwards into a bin, banged my head and came round to find myself topless on the floor 
I was in A&E due to extremely painful chronic constipation when just starting the saga of a non-functional bowel (had actually been to the OOH GP as it was a weekend, and he'd sent me straight there).
I was given two Microlax enemas to no avail. So they gave me a phosphate enema, told me to lie on my side and I should have a 'result' after retaining for 5-10 minutes. I was put into a private room with a commode and left to it. An hour went by, nothing. It didn't even feel uncomfortable to retain the phosphate
The lovely nurse said she was going to get the doctor to come and check things out, so it was safe to move from lying on my side.
WELL she was wrong. As soon as I moved, the bloody thing kicked in with a vengeance. I dashed to the commode and dropped trou.
The double doors to the room are suddenly flung open and there stands two nurses and a doctor, while I'm sat with my pants round my ankles absolutely shitting my brains out. I was in so much pain and so mortified that I just screeched "GET OUUUUUUUT!"
Never seen a group of people retreat so quickly, slamming the door behind them 
Not me but DH (a consultant). DH treats patients with prostate problems. I mentioned this thread to him and he told me that men regularly ejaculate when he examines their prostate. (I don't think it was a stealth boast... ) He says he barely blinks any more when it happens and just hands them the tissues.
Being induced. I'd been hanging around for a few hours with not much happening and been told about 10 mins previously that I was 2cm. Annoyed and frustrated, set off for a walk around with dh despite somewhat increasing pain. Got outside the ward and realised it felt as if things were ramping up, fast. Turned round and started staggering back, clutching dh. Doctor comes along the corridor and asks if he can help. 'NO!!!!!!!!!' I literally roared at the poor guy.
In my defence, dd was born 10 mins later.
Ffs I choked on my porridge at "blue stools".
This whole thread has brought me such joy! Thank you everyone and OP for the brilliant thread 
Had DD1 in China and after they gave me a pessory straight after birth, everyone, including DH tho I can't remember why, buggered off for a bit leaving me with DD.
I got immediate and terrible runs and covered the floor and bed in poo. DH, Drs and nurses returned to me attached the the drip, standing in the middle of the floor and sobbing. There was shit everywhere. They were all 
In my twenties getting checked out for lumpy boobs. They decided that because I'd already had a mammogram the previous year they would do an ultrasound. The big headed thingy (that they use for pregnancy scans) was broken so they used this pen thing. It took bloody forever! There was a student in observing who helpfully proclaimed "It looks like the foothills of the Himilayas in there!" Yes, thanks for that!
But it got worse...
The tiny room had no windows, just a domed skylight that wasn't particularly opaque. Halfway through my scan the sodding window cleaner turned up to clean the skylight!!!
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When I was pregnant with DD, DH and I had DTD, and as I stood up to go to the bathroom, I felt a slight trickle that kept trickling, so off we went to the hospital to check if it was my waters breaking. Midwife did the examination and as she was peering up my fanjo, confirmed it waters, then turned to DH, nodded and said "and an impressive amount of semen" was absolutely mortifying.
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