...to ask you to share your embarassing hospital/doctor related experiences? (lighthearted)

[Niggit]

Recently, I had to have an upper GI tract endoscopy - basically a flexible camera down my throat into my stomach. The information sheet said something along the lines of "the procedure may cause a little retching". Now, my bladder control isn't all it could be under stress, having had a couple of DC an' all, so I thought I'd be all prepared and wear a maxi pad.

Oh dear. Oh dearie me. I'll draw a veil over the actual event, but when it was all over and I got up off the couch, I left an absolute pond behind - so much so that even the poor nurse, who was lovely (unlike the surgeon driving the endoscope, who I think secretly wanted to work for Dynorod), gave me a bit of a look. I had to travel home sitting on the dog towel.

The other one that springs to mind was shortly after the birth of DD, when we were all at home snuggled up together and feeling smug, DH decided that was the perfect moment to describe how my haemorrhoids inflated as I was bearing down. And now, even after all these years, I can't think about her birth without remembering that.

So AIBU to ask you to cheer me up on this grotty grey afternoon by sharing some of your toe-curling medical moments?

[CatsMother66]

Kindler, I was embarrassed and wondered if I was imagining it! But no! The delivery room is huge! He could've stood anywhere. Surely the best place for him to stand to talk to me would've been by the side of me! Seemed to go on for ages! I was 42 and I don't take nonsense but I said nothing. I think at those times we were vulnerable and in no position to stand up for ourselves!

[EveOnline2016]

Having a catheter after dd because my bladder was full and preventing the plancenta coming out. You would think after all I went through ( induced labour) that would be nothing but it was so embarrassing at the time.

[ApocalypseNowt]

Took DD1 in to the midwife for a check when she was a couple of weeks old. Undressed her to be weighed and she managed to shit all over midwife's trousers, shoes, on the chair, on the floor and in her handbag.

Didn't get any on me or dh though - that's my girl!

Also when i was in labour with DD1 the midwife needed to move me to change the bed or something. I helpfully piped up "It's ok! I'll just get up!" and tired to launch myself off the side of the bed unfortunately forgetting that my legs didn't work because of the epidural....

[smEGGtoplasm]

I've just thought of another....

I peed all over the midwife whilst having my last baby. I felt the urge to go but couldn't. She tried a catheter which produced nothing. Then as I was trying to push her out, the flow started and I just could not stop it.

All I could do was apologise. And cry. She was quite gracious about it "don't worry I've seen worse" but her face was like thunder!

[ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual]

Had keyhole surgery due to an ectopic pregnancy, and so my stomach had been filled with gas. Obviously they can't fully get it all out again so you're left with agonising gas swirling around. So i'd spent the following day trying to get as much out as possible, and unfortunately this resulted in some unholy fucking hospital toots. All fine I thought, it was just dh in the room. Until the surgeon comes round to check my wounds, peels back the bedcovers and whoosh! It absolutely bloody stunk and I really did feel so sorry for her. I know she would have known why it was, but still!

[Bluntness100]

HAving an internal swab day after my daughter was born, explained to dr gorgeous that fhere had been some issues when I was in labour, six internals on the hour, for six hours, and they couldn't feel my uterus, plus I had seized up completely, like a form of vaginismus.

Doc inserts the speculum in me and says.

" there that slipped in nice and easily didn't it"

What do uou even say to that. 😃

[fc301]

Galloping shit monkeys this is a great thread! Tears of joy here (the broccoli soup wins).
FWIW when I had a MC they sent DH out of the cubicle while they attempted to release some of the placenta ... then left it in one of those top hat thingys on top of the flip top bin, along with a bowl of vomit (I was in a lot of pain). He wondered why they'd bothered sending him out. Just as well he was there as 5 mins later young Dr v nearly opened the bin with his foot ... that would not have been pretty. I can laugh about it now 😊

[peaceloveandbiscuits]

I was having a gynae emergency and DH (then BF) was with me. We'd been left in a side room full of gynae-related tools and equipment. He was a bit bored () and absent-mindedness started looking in drawers and bins. The horror on his face when he realised he was looking into the speculum bin

[peaceloveandbiscuits]

^absent-mindedly

[SirChenjin]

When I was giving birth to DD and out of my face and G&A the midwife asked if she could examine me. In a husky voice I replied "you can do whatever you like to me" . Poor woman gave a nervous laugh and DH just laughed like a drain.

[changedname26]

I have had 2 gynae surgeries, one major and hundreds of examinations - worst however I think was having a transvaginal scan due to severe abdominal pain , and collapsed on the bed whilst legs still in stirrups. I wasn't allowed up for ages - had a probe on finger and blood pressure cuff etc, consultant and nurse eventually let me up after I convinced them I was just exhausted and wouldn't do it again. Poor consultant insists I have a nurse present every time now (they don't automatically do chaperoning) in case I conk out again. I don't think my cervix likes being touched!

Funnily enough I was admitted again last month and Initally taken through to some sort of gynae treatment room - the doctors said I didn't need to get undressed, but still to lie down so they could check my belly. For comfort said just to put my feet in the stirrups anyway. They then said to wait there for a bed , said to stay where I was.. I was on shed loads of painkillers and I fell fast asleep in that position - nurse was laughing when she came to fetch me for my bed!

[SirChenjin]

Oh - and another time I had to have some nerve test thing done on my feet and legs. For some reason I didn't think they would actually need to check my legs/feet so pitched up with chipped toe varnish, hairy legs - and hairy toes. Of course the GP also happened to have a young, fit medical student in with him so the 2 of them got the benefit of my hirsute loveliness.

[changedname26]

I do remember as well 'waking up' mid sedation once , during pre mentioned major gynae surgery, with four people restraining me (gently). That was weird, I had lost 2 hours and had no idea why I needed to be held down. The anaesthetists later explained I can't take midzaolam (or similar), it makes me 'excitable' and 'agitated'. Apparently I was trying to help the them stitch my fanjo at one point.. Surgeon was a bit less polite the next day and said I was a bloody nightmare .

[JoffreyBaratheon]

Giving birth to son 2.

Son 1 had been born in just over 1 hour, start to finish. So I did warn the midwife.

Not long in, she decided to go for a coffee as nothing could possibly happen yet. Left me with the student midwife. Who went running for her. She took one look at me, told me to shut up as I couldn't possibly be about to give birth. Only for a baby to shoot into her (ungloved) hands with one push. That shut her up.

[WipsGlitter]

I don't have any but these are making me laugh!!

[Frouby]

I went for a smear when I was younger. It was my first one so very nervous.

Went for a wee before I went through and there was no toilet roll for my lovely clean and especially tidied fanny.

Rummaged around in my handbag and found tissue. Went through for smear.

Closed my eyes and hoped for the best as nurse is getting her kit ready at the business end. She gave a little 'ooh, do you need this?' Was a bloody receipt that must have been stuck on the tissue I found in my bag.

By the time I had died a 1000 deaths and explained smear was done. Though I also bled like a stuck pig all over her bed.

[JPB86]

I had to have a spinal after having daughter due to a retained placenta, so basically was whisked off to surgery, legs up in stirrups while the doc groped around trying to get a hold of the placenta (umbilical cord came out with baby) whilst moaning at me about the fact it kept slipping out of her fingers and that I was a "typical redhead" in that I was a "bleeder." This was all done in a room that felt like it was lit with a 1000w bulb. Also because of the unplanned length of time the procedure was taking, groups of student docs started to arrive to ask unrelated questions, stop and have a little bit of watch then wander out again. Urgh.

[YelloDraw]

MyGiddyUncle

My dad is a GP and he talks of this happening relatively frequently and says you normally know by the stench when the patient drops their pants...

[Lucille2]

I had a big rip after having DS. I had to go back and have a probe up my behind to check it had all healed and there wasn't any muscle damage. The night before my best friend was round at ours and he and DH were questioning me about the appointment the following day. I admired that I was a bit nervous about having something stuck up there and they gave me some great advice. "If it gets uncomfortable just act like you're having fun." I found this hilarious but decided this wasn't the way to go.

So I get to the hospital the next day and get up on the bed with my gown on. The examination begins and it was very, very uncomfortable. The nurse asks if it's not too uncomfortable and then I started to giggle, and then laugh and then I couldn't stop. I had tears falling down because I was laughing so much. DH said he could hear me in the waiting area. I explained why I was laughing but the nurse, the student and the man in the room who was there stood behind a screen to make sure the new equipment was working didn't seem to follow.

[Queenofthebrae]

Cherylene I have similar one. My waters broke at 33 weeks and the hospital decided to keep me hanging on until 36 before inducing me with several scans in between to check the volume of fluid and every scan said there was enough for baby but less than the scan before. Come day of induction nothing was happening so they decided waters needed to be broken to help things along, the lovely doctor sat on the end of the bed to burst them thinking there wouldn't be much fluid, boy was she wrong, it was like a waterfall. The bed was soaked, I needed changed, the doctor was soaked through not to mention the floor needed mopped. I found it so hilarious that I couldn't stop laughing and every time I laughed a little burst more of fluid came flooding out. She looked a little sheepish at having sat on the bed to do it.

[ispymincepie]

Dying at the receipt!

[Wonderflonium]

I went to my GP about an undiagnosed problem with my vulva and he said
"I'll refer you to gynaecology and see if they can put their finger on it," and he blushed when I sniggered.

Also, I had a cervical biopsy done which took so much time that the doc was able to chit-chat to me about my job. As he had a lot of close work to do, to get the right areas, it gave the impression he was giving my vagina really good eye contact for the whole conversation.

He wanted to praise me for being so brave and said "you must have some Viking in you" (this all happened in Denmark) and it took everything I had not to tell him that that was what got me in the situation in the first place.

[moonfacebaby]

In labour with DD2. The doctor has her head between my legs, as she's doing the blood test thing on the baby's head (think that was what it was anyway).

I let rip with the loudest fart I think I'd EVER done in my life. And the stench - Jesus, it was fetid & claggy, seriously vile.

I was off my head on gas and air & just shouted "fucking hell! I just farted right in your face!!" - then dissolved into hysterical laughter.

Mind you, this was after I'd been putting the sick bowl on my head, claiming it was a special hat to "protect me from the forces of evil".

[dontpokethebear]

MyGiddyUncle

You got off lightly! Usually you can smell a retained tampon from the waiting room.
Next to a pseudomonas infection, it is one of the worst smells

[ittooshallpass]

The day after a pretty traumatic emergency c-section I was full of gas and too embarrassed to let it go on a shared ward.

The nurse came to remove my catheter... and got a face full of the wind I couldn't hold in any longer