...to ask you to share your embarassing hospital/doctor related experiences? (lighthearted)

[Niggit]

Recently, I had to have an upper GI tract endoscopy - basically a flexible camera down my throat into my stomach. The information sheet said something along the lines of "the procedure may cause a little retching". Now, my bladder control isn't all it could be under stress, having had a couple of DC an' all, so I thought I'd be all prepared and wear a maxi pad.

Oh dear. Oh dearie me. I'll draw a veil over the actual event, but when it was all over and I got up off the couch, I left an absolute pond behind - so much so that even the poor nurse, who was lovely (unlike the surgeon driving the endoscope, who I think secretly wanted to work for Dynorod), gave me a bit of a look. I had to travel home sitting on the dog towel.

The other one that springs to mind was shortly after the birth of DD, when we were all at home snuggled up together and feeling smug, DH decided that was the perfect moment to describe how my haemorrhoids inflated as I was bearing down. And now, even after all these years, I can't think about her birth without remembering that.

So AIBU to ask you to cheer me up on this grotty grey afternoon by sharing some of your toe-curling medical moments?

[Farmmummy]

Had dd1 by emcs and was told the spinal will make you feel sick but won't make you sick. I told them I'm definitely going to be sick, no you won't it's just the anaesthetic. So theatre nurse really shouldn't have been surprised when I exorcist vomited all over her. Apparently DH turned round and said she did warn you!

[lolo14]

Ha ha ok so I had to have an ECG. I'm rather well endowed up top so I was praying that I would not get a male practitioner. Sure enough, I was introduced to a young man who was still early on in his ECG career. He asked me to remove my top and bra and I knew that my massive mammaries would see him go red. Sure enough , he took one look and his cheeks took on a rather fetching rouge colour. Awkward! I tried to make conversation as he had to lift one of my boobs to get the probe stuck on. Cringe! Argh. I legged it out of there quick smart once it was done !

[ApollO88]

I have been howling with laughter all morning reading through all these stories!

[Hobbes8]

My 5 year old son had to have an ultrasound for a suspected hernia. We'd previously been doing some gentle discussions with him about his private areas, and how they are just for him, although it's ok for a doctor to touch him if he's trying to make him better.

Halfway through the examination he piped up "its good that it's touching my penis". I nodded and smiled whilst the horrified doctor continued.

[LeNil]

When I was younger, nineteen, I had a terrible period that lasted for months. I was eventuallly sent to see the senior consultant for an exam. Being nervous and a bit of a smart arse I decided to inject a bit of humour into an embarrassing situation. As he commenced the exam I gazed into his eyes and asked "aren't you going to tell me you love me?" I think he may have coughed slightly.
As I was leaving I thanked him and his reply...
"It was a pleasure".

[roofio87]

Not me but I was once in A&E with my best friend after she had spilt boiling water on her legs. A nurse was just examining and dressing the wounds so my friend was sat with her legs spread wide apart holding one up by her bum cheek and in walked a doctor that she had been on a few dates with but eventually ditched. Not exactly the moment for a reconciliation!!

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

Argh, the first time I had a urology clinic appt - I have chronic kidney disease so have them regularly - I got sent to see a Very Important male consultant.

As the appt began, his mobile rang and he took the call, briefly covering the mouthpiece and mouthing to me 'Just go in there and get undressed'.

I didn't know what a urology exam would involve - bit like gynae, I thought? - so removed jeans. But then it was my kidneys that were the problem, so on second thoughts I also took off my top. I thought it was a bit odd/ undignified that there was no gown, but hey ho.

VIMC enters the room - stops short - look of horror - RACES out to waiting room and bellows ' I need a female chaperone - NOW!'.

Apparently I only needed to lift my top up slightly Instead of, you know, removing ALL my clothes

Luckily he referred me to someone else so I never had to look him in the eye again.

[SquatBetty]

The potato peel pile is possibly the funniest thing I have ever read on Mumsnet!

I've had the blood taken from baby's scalp test whilst in labour too. Unfortunately I'd had an epidural and couldn't move and was rather over weight so a team of doctors had to come in and roll me over onto my left side and then heave my right leg up onto a stand while they all clustered round my back end and thus got a superb view of my bum grapes while rummaging up my vag to get the blood sample.

If there's a more undignified gynae procedure I'd like to hear about it!

[ElsieMc]

Younggirlgrowingold - I am having a day from hell today and your posted has made me laugh out loud. Like the exorcist with farts.

Following the birth of my dd1, I had the world's worst piles. I had to sit on a rubber ring and use ice pack. A doctor appeared at my bedside and drew the curtains. I recognised him as a lad I had been at primary school with. I thought he wanted a chat, but no, he wanted to bring in a group of students to gaze upon my ginormous piles.

Having my 6 week check up after dd2, the doctor who started to examine me had a very unfortunate facial tic that made it look like he was winking at me as he performed the examination. I came round on the floor in the recovery position after I fainted.

[YelloDraw]

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff

I have actually laughed out loud at that!

Loving this thread.

[loopylou6]

My waters broke superbly all over my poor midwifes face. In my defence she did know I was over 8cms dilated and still had my waters so you'd of thought she'd of been warned

[SagelyNodding]

These are so funny! When I gave birth to DS1 things weren't going too well-when he crowned my heart rate went crazy and the midwife shouted out what I understood as, "She's tacky!" Now, rational me would have instantly understood "tachycardia" but my woozy exhausted me took it as a massive insult and indignantly shouted in my plummy voice, "I most certainly am not!" She looked at me with pity (and sewed me back up wonky).

I also did a loud eyes closed orgasmic and involuntary sigh of pleasure when my Greek God of a dentist put his hands on my face to move my head back so he could check my molars- and put my hand on his...

[Lara2]

Not me, but DH and DS1 in the back of an ambulance.
DS1, 4 at the time, was being blue lighted to hospital with an asthma attack, still wearing his PJs. Halfway there, DH said DS1 decided to pop his willy out and stretch it massively around, proclaiming proudly to the paramedic "Look what I can do with my willy! Can you do that with yours?!" Apparently all attempts to get him to stop, through gritted teeth, fell on deaf ears!

[onedayimightforget]

When I went in to labour with DD2, as she was premature (as expected) they did an internal exam to do the fetal Fibronectin test. The doctor put the speculum in but as she opened it, it snapped. She looked embarrassed and said "that's never happened to me before". I was more proud than embarrassed but as DD2 was a natural delivery I doubt I'd ever have that problem again!

[Niggit]

I'm enjoying reading all these so much! Cheered me up no end.

sangthesun, thankyou for the flowers!

[spareusername]

I needed a STI checkup. Went to the local clinic at a major city hospital. Long wait - they apologise that a nurse has been taken ill. Eventually I go in and answer questions from an admin person, who explains that if I want a female nurse it will be another hour, but they have a male nurse in a minute. Both admin lady and other HCA tell me that 'Andrew' is 'lovely', in that tone of voice that implies he's gay and camp. I say Andrew will be fine.

So I'm lying there bottomless, musing that it's a bit of a stereotype for male nurses to work in GUM and be flamboyantly gay, just like my friend Andy, now which hospital was it he'd just moved to again?

I twigged that the nurse was a good mate of mine just before he came in, so at least I had put a blanket over myself! He was probably more embarrassed than I was, but it took us ages to explain to the admin team why we needed someone different to explore my fanny...

[doodlejump1980]

I needed an ecg whilst hugely pregnant with twins, so belly out, down to bra lying on the bed. And as the woman put the things on my chest she goes "oh do you work at Doodle Academy?" Yup, parent of a pupil. Like she couldn't have asked that before I stripped down? I still teach her daughter...

[Chopstick17]

When I had my first smear test I was so scared and panicky. The nurse asked me to remove my trousers and get on the bed. There were leg rests so I was so worried about doing it right I put my legs into them without being asked. When she appeared round the curtain she said "Mrs Chopstick you do know you will need to remove your knickers for a smear test!"

[floatmygoat]

Only very recently I had vulval biopsies taken and needed stitches. Four days later I woke with an infection so toddled off to emergency doctors. I climbed on to the couch and the examination started, moments later the doctor glanced up at me, "do you have a phone with you?" "Yes", I replied, "I'll take a picture for you", my mind raced. "So you can see what it looks like." "It's a bit of a mess" she added helpfully. I declined!

[JorahsMissus]

In labour with DS2 and trying to make small talk with the much older, nothing in common with midwife when we discussed names. She suggested I name baby after DP's Dad or Grandad and I replied 'oh no way, his Dad's name is X, can you imagine a little baby with that name? Utterly horrendous' only for her to give me the filthiest look and say 'that's my husband and son's name'. I was so glad when she went off for her tea and I delivered with another midwife in the room.

In labour with DD (funny how a lot of these stories are labour ones) and I need the blood taken from baby's head so they have me on my side and a male doctor is elbow deep in my vagina when I turn to DP and say 'he's made it to 5th base' wtf? Why?? What did it even mean?

[Niggit]

Jorah, when I had DD I only had gas and air, but lots and lots (and lots) of it! By the time she arrived I was high as a kite - apparently I was laying there giggling while DH and the midwife pried my hand off the mouthpiece finger by finger...

[ispymincepie]

Oh I have a gas and air one! When I had my copper coil fitted they were doing a trial using g&a as pain relief. Nurse explained she'd ask me to point to a pain score 1-10 during and then after and that she would then wrestle the mouthpiece off me. Now I'd used g&a for 3 births but you only use it during contractions right? Well she had me breathe it continuously for 3 minutes before she even started and then throughout the procedure. I was absolutely and totally high as a kite! Laughing so much I was crying and then after she'd asked me to score my pain for the second time (a zero!) I was sucking it like crazy knowing they were about to take it away 😳 I told her it was the most fun I'd had in ages! God I hope they bring it in for everyone, it was brilliant!

Also during an emergency hospital admission many years ago I was mortified to realise not only had I wet myself but someone had removed my tampon.

[BoopTheSnoot]

Oh I've just remembered one from YEARS ago as well. I'd bled a bit from one of my boobs so my mum took me to the GP (I was only about 15). Obviously an examination was needed, so I'm sat on the couch thingy, being examined while mum waited on the other side of the curtain.
The (female) GP exclaimed mid-examination "You have lovely soft breasts!"
Obviously she must have meant lump and bump free but I remember my cheeks burning and hearing my mum snort from behind the sodding curtain. Never, ever made an appointment with that particular doctor again

[throwingpebbles]

I had been in hospital for a while with severe stomach pains.
Hadn't bothered to put a bra on that mornjng as just sitting /lying around in pain.
Went down to have an ultrasound scan and was chatting away to the man scanning about a hobby we both enjoyed (my t-shirt gave him the clue).
Was a good chat while he scanned, then he asked me to point to the pain, and in looking for where to point I somehow lifted up my entire t-shirt revealing my ample and entirely bare breasts.

He conducted the rest of the scan in awkward silence.