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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that I think BOTH my parents (separated) are leaving their inheritances to my nephew and niece?

214 replies

scaryclown · 14/11/2016 00:08

Just that really. I have been living in near and actual.poverty for a couple of years now, and i have realised with great sadness that my parents are kind of writing me out of history. I've not had children yet as i wanted to.be at least stable finacially first, but now i realise i might not be before my parents die, and so.they are.thinking of completely ignoring me. AIBU to be sad/angry/upset about this? i feel as though.i ought to.confront them, but also know that if i do they are b I th of the 'well if you are going to.be like that you don't deserve the.money'

I am also a bit miffed that my dad has been on two holidays a year for a decade and yet i haven't been.able to.even afford.food sometimes. Am i wrong to hate this??

OP posts:
Meadows76 · 14/11/2016 00:11

I ave no idea if YABU, there is clearly a background missing.

IMissGrannyW · 14/11/2016 00:12

Two issues here:

1 is it's their money/possessions to leave to whomsoever they see fit - that is their right.
2 if as their child you need their help, then it's up to you to ask for it. FWiW, I think if you're a parent who doesn't help a child who needs it when you can then you're a cunt, but not every parent will agree, and will depend on personal circumstance.

If you need it, then no harm in asking. But you need to recognise they have the right to refuse you.

LouisvilleLlama · 14/11/2016 00:12

It's hard I don't ever think you are entitled to an inheritance, but I can see why you are a little annoyed somewhat

pinkyredrose · 14/11/2016 00:15

What makes you think they're going to do that?

TitaniasCloset · 14/11/2016 00:17

Yanbu. Some families like mine do this, treat one child completely different to the others spend huge amounts of money on luxuries and have no compassion at all that their child is struggling even to eat. I hope happier times come your way Flowers

Sparlklesilverglitter · 14/11/2016 00:18

I think you are unreasonable to hate that your dad has had two holidays a year, if he can afford it why the hell not? You are an adult and are responsible for yourself if you can't afford food then you need to look at improving your life any way you can

With inheritance well it's there money so they can do as they wish with it. I am an only child and even I don't feel like I am entitled to my parents house/money if they was to die

CalleighDoodle · 14/11/2016 00:20

Why have you had times when you havent been able to afford food?

GiddyOnZackHunt · 14/11/2016 00:21

It's their money. They can do what they like.

BabyIamAfirework · 14/11/2016 00:21

Why the fuck shouldn't your dad enjoy two holidays a year? It's his money. Of course it's not great if you can't afford food but you are an adult so are responsible for yourself.

Who they leave money to after they die is up to them, it's there money

JosephineMaynard · 14/11/2016 00:23

What makes you think that they're writing you out of their inheritance?

EatTheCake · 14/11/2016 00:23

Why do you hate your dad spending HIS money on two holidays a year? Confused
You are an adult and if you can't afford to eat you need to look at improving your life in any small way you can. Your parents/the world owe you nothing

As for the inheritance well I'd say it's up to them really

Original poster
scaryclown · 14/11/2016 00:23

I'm also annoyed at the fact that if my dad particularly had been helpful financially and/or emotionally i could have afforded a masters 6years ago when i had a career fuck up which would have lifted my income up, so i could have been a net family contributor. It feel like they want me to suffer, but it seems bad for them too. its odd.

I feel sad as i remember my grandparents as being really generous, and friendly and helping my parents have a family. with me they seem to do the complete opposite, but my sister's family (sister died) were helped loads when my sister was alive, helped to buy a house, helped to have it fitted out, holidays for her kids etc. Its really miserable when you hear they are writing you out even after their death :(

OP posts:
Coffeegivemecoffee · 14/11/2016 00:26

You actually want to confront them about who they leave money to after death? Why do you feel your entitled to your parents money?

If you can't afford to eat that is something YOU need to look at, YOU need to improve your life, YOU are an adult and are responsible for yourself

Hellmouth · 14/11/2016 00:27

I think there are deeper issues here. It sounds like you resent them a little and, to me anyway, it sounds like you're expecting handouts. I can't comment on whether YABU as I don't think we're getting the whole story here.

TitaniasCloset · 14/11/2016 00:29

I understand how you feel. I can also see that they feel for your sisters children, awful for them to lose their mother poor things.But you are still here and deserve a bit of help too.

Original poster
scaryclown · 14/11/2016 00:30

I know its their money but its not so much about me having free money as my being upset about the 'anti me' agenda. The thing is that if i had a timy bit of help and security i could be earning much more.. and that i am the person who is likely to pay for their care sometime soon, its like i am double burdened, and insulted, and without security. To put it into perspective, i was hospitalised one year as trying to live without heating whilst on the dole meant i got respiratory problems. My dad just went 'ooh' and then told me about the holiday he was booking.

OP posts:
PumpkinPie71 · 14/11/2016 00:31

Why do you think you have a right to the money they have when they die?

Why shouldn't your dad enjoy HIS money and go on holidays?

You are a grown up I assume, so if you can't afford food you need to take hold of your life and improve things

I have a masters and my Mummy & daddy didn't foot the bill, just like a lot of students yet you seem to think your daddy should of paid for yours

The world doesn't own you a living and your parents owe you nothing. Your an adult you are responsible for you

TitaniasCloset · 14/11/2016 00:31

So far as expecting help or hand outs, if she has really struggled and they have the money why wouldn't they want to help out? Could you sit back knowing one child was really struggling and just bugger off on holiday? I couldn't.

Original poster
scaryclown · 14/11/2016 00:32

No, i want to confront them about wjy they are so emotionally 'dark' with me, but at the same time complaining I dont visit them or take them out, when all that is due to.poverty and battening down the hatches. It just feels odd thats all.

OP posts:
PumpkinPie71 · 14/11/2016 00:33

I wouldn't and never have kept giving my DC handouts. They are adults and need to be responsible for themselves without thinking oh Mum and dad will sort me out of yet another hole

Original poster
scaryclown · 14/11/2016 00:35

Also I cant understand it, as if i was a relatively wealthy parent with spare cash for several holidays there is NO WAY i'd leave my kids in poverty..either out of just humanity, but also out of pride and sensible family economic decision-making. Its like I am a 'team' thinker but my family are all 'fuck you, i'm alright' thinkers. Is that usual?

OP posts:
Giveusawobble · 14/11/2016 00:35

Hmmmm you can't type a coherent sentence but would be out of financial difficulties if you had had a masters paid for?

If you had a career that would be elevated by a masters how are you now on the breadline? Not saying it doesn't happen and isn't tragic but a little context may help us understand.

AmeliaJack · 14/11/2016 00:35

Why will you be paying for their care? If they have assets they will be used first so the point about any inheritance is moot.

MummyToJane · 14/11/2016 00:39

So your Dad goes on holiday? Well it's his money

So they are not leaving you money they have when they die? Well that's a choice they are entitled to make

I am not one for giving my ADULT children hand outs. They were brought up to know that in this life you rely on yourself

you didn't need your dad's money to do a masters, plenty of students don't have help from parents!

How have you tried to improve your life OP? You have no heating/food so what are you doing to make that better?

AyeAmarok · 14/11/2016 00:39

It's always the way. People who have no money and have their beady eye on someone else's money always, without fail, say they would share it out if they had it.

Sort out your own finances, then you won't feel so resentful.

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