To be upset that I think BOTH my parents (separated) are leaving their inheritances to my nephew and niece?

[scaryclown]

Just that really. I have been living in near and actual.poverty for a couple of years now, and i have realised with great sadness that my parents are kind of writing me out of history. I've not had children yet as i wanted to.be at least stable finacially first, but now i realise i might not be before my parents die, and so.they are.thinking of completely ignoring me. AIBU to be sad/angry/upset about this? i feel as though.i ought to.confront them, but also know that if i do they are b I th of the 'well if you are going to.be like that you don't deserve the.money'

I am also a bit miffed that my dad has been on two holidays a year for a decade and yet i haven't been.able to.even afford.food sometimes. Am i wrong to hate this??

What sort of jobs are you applying for? You must have a degree if you wanted to do a masters.

People are commenting that it's easy for poor people to talk about how fair and even-handed they would be if they had money.

It's also very easy for people who are not struggling or in serious financial difficulty to say how they'd deal with the challenges if they were in that situation. It cuts both ways...

No advice OP but best of luck to you. I hope your luck changes soon, one way or another.

I think YANBU and the thread has been quite harsh. I can't agree with the blanket approach that adult children should fend for themselves in life. Especially where parents have been fortunate to achieve a degree of economic security (baby boomer generation?) I think they might have the compassion to pass that on in an equitable way. Not everyone has the same opportunities, luck, or even skills in life.

It's usual to leave an inheritance fairly equally and reasonably between your surviving children and grandchildren, and I'd feel upset too if this didn't happen.

I'm guessing it's a combination of hurt and concern for grandchildren after losing your DSis, plus you not having DC as yet.

Maybe generally try to talk more with them about everything and emotions might be healed all round, plus a more satisfactory arrangement reached for you and your future.

Best of luck

Is it possible your parents aren't anywhere near as rich as you think? They might want to keep enough money back to see your niece and nephew through university since their mother can't?

You need to let go of that Masters idea. I have seen a Masters help a career, but it doesn't usually transform it in the way a first degree can. You seem to want it as a stop gap so employers see your years of inactivity as fruitful. It may well look like a stop gap anyway. Your dad may just think of it as money down the drain.

Your dad probably doesn't see the point in paying for a masters degree when your ug degree has left you on the dole!

Yanbu. I sincerely hope I have some cash to help my kids when we're older like mine did with me. You must be feeling hurt.

Are you working just now?
What are your outgoings v incomings?
Care work is always advertised locally, they can never get enough staff, i have friends that work 60+ hours a week.

Some of the replies on here are just foul. I've been away from MN a little while and not at all liking the change in tone and spirit here.
My mum was cut out of her dads will op so I empathise with you. It hurt her terribly. Her sister (who inherited the whole estate) promptly made over half to her. She was a very principled person but it did affect their relationship forever I think. Parents shouldn't do this; if they are not fair and equal then it poisons the lives of those who survive them.

I agree Karlos, some of the replies here have been utterly foul.

I think it would be very cruel of your parents not to give you half of any inheritance. Leaving one of us out would never happen in our family. Our parents also pitch in to help us where they can when we need help. Parents are for life, not just till 18, and I think as long as your kids are doing their best (and not wasting their adulthood sitting around and refusing to apply for a job) I'll do everything I can to support my kids, emotionally and where possible financially, till the day I die.

What is all this for otherwise. Life is short and if I can pay for my children to have better quality lives in any way, whether it's just showing up with groceries when I visit or gifting money towards an extension on their family home, I will do it.

OP, people say your parents don't owe you anything but it sounds like they are actively washing their hands of you. I'll never understand parents who do that.

I think the point here, whether it's been said gently or harshly, is that ultimately it is the parents' decision what they are going to do with their money, regardless of how hurt it may make the OP feel. Her best bet st this point is some self examination to figure out what she can do to move forward in her own life and make improvements so she is happy, rather than dwelling on this other issue.

She obviously has a degree already, so perhaps more looking into a degree related job, even part time if needed, to get some experience and go from there. But a masters isn't the key to happiness. People won't suddenly be beating down your door to offer you a job.

YANBU, I dont know why many people bother to have children at all.

No Titanius, just hate to see people eyeing up other people's money.

Especially when they seem genuinely angry about the fact they haven't given them it (how dare her father have two holidays a year, type thing) and blame him for her position because he didn't fund a Masters.

The paying for their future care justification for why they should help her out now is clutching at straws and shows a tenuous grip on reality.

I'd be pretty gutted in this situation OP. Not because I'd be 'expecting' money but because it would feel so hurtful to be passed over completely when I'm struggling.

A PP mentioned a sister being happy that her inheritance would be depleted by parents spending money on her nephew's education. Slightly different, I'd say, in that the sister wasn't described as being on the breadline and it sounded like the reasons had been discussed/explained.

It's not clear here whether OP definitely knows she's cut out completely, but there does seem to be an implication that she is to blame for her poverty and that somehow means she is less deserving of help.

That may be the case. I don't know OP and she may be an unpleasant demanding waster. But assuming not and that the story is as presented, her parents sound judgemental, unhelpful and uncaring towards her.

OP, there is nothing you can do about that. Focus on you, what you can do and there is nothing wrong with explaining to your parents that you can't visit when you can't afford it. No need to expand, but no need to make life more difficult for yourself by trying to meet their expectations when they have no understanding or compassion for your situation.

and I hope things improve for you soon.

As a parent I can't imagine making that sort of decision lightly. It is something I would worry about and question and break my heart over. I would move heaven and earth to try and come up with a solution.

So either there is a very, very good reason why they feel they can't leave you their money or else your family relationship is very dysfunctional. Either way it sounds like you are in a very sad and difficult situation.

The OP hasn't even confirmed that she is certain she has been left out of the wills or whether it is just a feeling she has. I agree with a PP, for both parents to separately write a child out of their wills ring alarm bells.
And I don't necessarily think it is mean for the OPs father to go on holidays when OP is struggling but as we don't know enough to conclude that he is just being selfish and mean. For example: I try to have a family holiday each year despite knowing that sometime One of my brothers is on skid row. He might literally be peniless on the day that j go away and be struggling to feed himself. He might have to walk a 15 mile round trip to the job centre to sign in as he doesn't have enough for bus fare. I could buy him some food and I could give him a lift to the job centre but I won't because he is a lazy arse who says he wants a job but never keeps one for more than a few weeks and when he gets his dole money he pisses it up the wall by spending it going out drinking and buying cigarettes and cannabis. So despite him being a loved one and watching him struggle when I could help I won't help him because frankly I am not going to help enable his lifestyle choices which lead to his peniless situation. sometimes helping people is not the right thing to do regardless of how much you love them.

What sort of degree do you have OP? Have you thought about teaching as a career? Get Into Teaching

I understand OP - it's not the money so much as the fact that they are not interested in you or your life. I don't think that I could watch my child starve and freeze while I go off on expensive holidays.

I also find the master fixation strange though. Could you be depressed, have you spoken to your doctor?

Have you ever actually asked for their help financially? Telling them you're struggling is one thing, going to them and asking if they would consider loaning you the money to do a Masters is another. Even if it's a 'no', at least you know.

But some people's parents just don't ever help them out financially. Mine didn't. I had a small kids saving account that my DF emptied when he got into trouble. At 18 I was told I could start paying rent or move out. I was taking A levels and only had a Saturday job in a shop. My 18th birthday present was a tenner, not even in a card!

I think that you are putting the Master degree on a pedestal, this isn't going to magically solve all your financial problems and your Dad can probably see that. You are working currently, is there chance of career progression?

You were asked about loans for study and I was surprised by your response "I tried looking at that, but i moved house during the deferment period in 1998 on my ug loan, and they sent forms to the wrong address

erm that was 18 years ago, you have had 18 years to resolve this? Mail redirection existed in 1998, failing that you could have gone back to your address to collect the mail? this isn't a reason to expect your Dad to fund a masters (that will likely leave you in debt and magically increase your earnings).

Sounds tough YANBU. Sorry things are for you atm.

Some families favour the weak some the strong.

I think you are placing far too much emphasis on a Masters as solving your issues. I know lots of highly educated individuals working in call centres etc with Masters due to lack of experience/jobs in their industry. Even if you had a it's no guarantee of job progression or job security in our economy.

Stop grieving for money that was never yours. It might be upsetting he didn't fund your masters. He might have been unfair and unkind or he might have reasoned it wouldn't do much good and would be wasted money. He might have a lot less than you think, a masters can be expensive.

Average age at inheritance is almost 60 now, too late to kick start a career. The increasing life expectancy is not matched by increasing work years so there is less to inherit as well, because people have many more years to spend their own savings.

i feel as though.i ought to.confront them, but also know that if i do they are b I th of the 'well if you are going to.be like that you don't deserve the.money' Do not confront them. If my child did that I'd be hurt and angry. I would also worry they are planning their life around it. Plus looking after minors (niece and nephew) up to a first degree comes first. You've had you childhood, youth and first degree. Your sister isn't here to help your niece and nephew achieve that.

The real issue here is unemployment. An inheritance would not solve your problems it would just stop your benefits, then it would run out.

Yes I totally understand where your coming from, why should they not help their own if they are able to. That would make me feel somewhat less of my parents tbh.

Most parents would not let their adult children go without food if they could afford to help. And most would find it very difficult to cut an adult child out of their will. So your parents don't sound great, but presumably they have their version.

You're around 40 and still think a Master's will cover up a five year gap in your employment history. It won't, so you need to move on from that and start addressing other things. Why have you been through three minimum wage jobs this year? Were they temporary contracts or are you having difficulty keeping jobs? When you were sanctioned despite having applied for twenty jobs, was it because all of the jobs were inappropriate for your experience? Are you working at the minute? Are you still volunteering in the field you'd like to move into?