To be upset that I think BOTH my parents (separated) are leaving their inheritances to my nephew and niece?

[scaryclown]

Just that really. I have been living in near and actual.poverty for a couple of years now, and i have realised with great sadness that my parents are kind of writing me out of history. I've not had children yet as i wanted to.be at least stable finacially first, but now i realise i might not be before my parents die, and so.they are.thinking of completely ignoring me. AIBU to be sad/angry/upset about this? i feel as though.i ought to.confront them, but also know that if i do they are b I th of the 'well if you are going to.be like that you don't deserve the.money'

I am also a bit miffed that my dad has been on two holidays a year for a decade and yet i haven't been.able to.even afford.food sometimes. Am i wrong to hate this??

Skittless I was reminded of people with Aspergers too

I also see similarities here with one of my undergrad classmates who had Aspergers, he got a 1:1 and wanted to be an academic, classmates who had 2:1s got research assistant positions/work experience and he didn't, he would rant and rave about "it's who you know not what you know", but we all knew why he wasn't getting the work experience: his inability to quielty get on with boring tasks that are required of a research assistant!

OP I get that it's hard when you see family or friends doing well when you are struggling. Do they actually realise how much you are struggling?

My PIL are extremely wealthy, they live in a bubble of money and are so far removed from reality that they have no idea how hard life is for us mere mortals working our socks off and just about managing. They make daft suggestions that DH should change his car to one of those flash 4x4s (safer for the DCs apparently or that we really should take DDs to visit various places around the world. No matter how much we say we cannot afford these things they just don't get it at all. It is so frustrating.

Were you expecting ongoing help, OP? Because it very much sounds like you are. I think most parents would help with one-off or emergency expenses, but not fund their adult child's lifestyle.

My nephew lost his mum. He will inherit the house plus any cash my parents leave. I have no qualms about this because his mum is dead FFS. They want to make sure he has a future, because he's really fucking disadvantaged. Hes just a little boy! How could anyone resent that?
I'm currently living with boyfriend's family, I'll never have the cash to get any degree, even though I'm intelligent enough to see it all the way through.
No one owes me anything.
No one owes you anything.

I agree with other posters who say a Masters won't help. You need to demonstrate the ability to hold down a job...any job...form good relationships with colleagues and obtain good references. You need to demonstrate you are reliable, flexible, adaptable and will work hard in whatever you do, with a positive and cheerful attitude and excellent attention to detail, regardless of whether it is your dream job or not.

Many of us are in jobs that we don't necessarily aspire to do but we continue to demonstrate our ability in that job and earn respect from our colleagues and managers by our attitude. This sets us up for success in future job applications.

I'm sorry OP but I think you are giving off vibes that you are too good for this job / your colleagues and deserve better. As a result, will always feel shortchanged by others and will remain bitter and resentful. There is no point looking back on how things were years ago or how things might have been. If you change your attitude, you will change your life. Do you think you can do that?

Out of interest, what was your first degree in and did you complete it?

I do understand that when life isn't as you planned it, it sucks. I had to take an eight-year break from my career because my DD1 has SN. In fact, I lost my registration to practice and thought I'd never be able to go back. I was lucky enough to be able to do voluntary work to keep my brain active, so I got lots of voluntary work in a different field.

Now, I've returned to practice, but I'm in a funny situation where I'm much older than most people at the same stage of career as I am (understandably) and I'm having to keep my head down and just get on with the fact that I've had to start again professionally - It's like I'm a newly qualified.

On the other hand, my voluntary work has given me lots of management skills that even much more senior people in my field only get a little taste of (e.g. I (along with my team) hold a £2 mil budget in my voluntary capacity; I control recruitment; I am legally accountable for certain things)...so I have a situation where I am overqualified in many areas and just learning in others.

So I keep my head down, do my best at what is my job, and I'm grateful when I'm given an opportunity to share some of my more advanced skillset - it's all I can do.

You need to find a way of finding a positive step forward. It doesn't have to be your solution - just the first step.

OP - I have read all your posts - but you don't answer the question if your parents have actually told you that you are cut out of both of their wills, or if you've just decided this yourself. (It could well be that they are going to leave some of their estate to your DNs, doesn't mean you won't be getting anything, it just might be less than if they split it just between you and your sibling).

You seem very upset at the life you have that's not the way you wanted it to be, or think you deserve. Obviously something went wrong, it's unlikely it's the lack of a masters alone, if you have no DCs or DP, then you are completely flexible to look for jobs anywhere in the world really. It's time to start again.

Your old plan of how your life would be hasn't happened. Your parents aren't offering £10/15k for a masters, so dump that idea. New plan time.

And just one thing OP - your statement that noone will give you anything or any opportunity doesn't seem to fit with your earlier post - You went to University and completed your degree. You won awards. You were given the opportunity of Officer training. Your early business ability was noted and publically awarded.

You had lots of opportunities, what happened? Did you chose not to do the officer training? Did you lose the job you won the business award for?

Did something happen in your family that meant you were unable to make the most of these early opportunities?

Don''t be put off doing your Masters OP - do it if you want to

Maybe ask for your post to be moved to relationships or delete this one and start again over there. You might also be able to explain better on the "Stately Homes" thread

Mentioning inheritances and money really does seem to bring out extraoridinary harshness in quite a few people, who may call you bitter but fail to grasp how cold they are/sound.

They can't look behind things and see its often not about the money - its about those who love & care for you treating you unfavourably and yes, that can include financially, leaving you out.

We aren't all blessed with storybook parents. Some parents are horrid. In my parents' case, throwing all their money at their youngest + making it clear she will inherit when we are 5 siblings, has blown up spectacularly in their face. Now they're older not in good health we are supposed to pick up the slack, not DSis who has washed her hands of them & situation (not the money tho). I steer clear.

Good luck whatever you decide to do. Counselling and a safe place in which to talk may be a good thing for you

GREAT post mistressdeecee. And I agree with a PP - you sound a bit depressed OP, and in need of a big old hug. I want to say to you that things will get better. It might feel like you have a mountain to climb, but plenty of people change careers and jobs in their 30s and 40s and even 50s. There's no reason that can't be you.

I am utterly bemused by the suggestion that most people on MA/MSc courses are sent there by their employer. The only course I know like that is an MBA, which isn't really like any other Masters course out there. For the vast majority of disciplines, people either get scholarships/bursaries or self-fund or (in an increasing number of cases) have parental funding. Plus, it seems like everyone has a Masters these days, so it's not exactly some rarefied high-falutin' qualification - indeed, because of that it can be difficult to get a job in some areas without one.

I am utterly bemused by the suggestion that most people on MA/MSc courses are sent there by their employer. The only course I know like that is an MBA, which isn't really like any other Masters course out there.

I don't know anything about MBAs, but have done several (very different) MA modules through work over the years (and I've done a variety of jobs) and self funders were always in the minority - like one or 2.

Full time masters courses will obviously be a bit different with a mixture of loan and young grads with parent funding, but most people I know at work who have masters did theirs part time alongside full time work - and those part time courses rarely have self funders on them and those that are are disadvantaged when it comes to project work.

People in their 30s/40s who do masters mostly do the part time masters courses alongside work. The OP isn't a 22 year old recent grad who doesn't know what to do next and has a "uni fund" from gran/mum&dad - that doesn't mean that all routes to FE are now shut to her, but she does need to be realistic and take a more grown up route if that's what she wants to do.

She already has an employment gap - taking another gap to complete a masters rather than looking into doing it part time alongside work would not be a good move for her

And once you have a masters the interview questions for jobs that use your masters aren't about your book learning, they want to know what you've implimented and what you've changed in the workplace: easy enough for someone who did their masters through work.. bit of an interview "flop" if you self funded and just did the uni side.

yuck - I do agree that it's useful in the OP's case to do an MA alongside work. I think your advice is therefore really good and I don't mean to quibble about that.

I'm just saying that a fair slice of postgrads now are funded by the bank of mum and dad. It's not entirely unreasonable, if one side of the family is getting £££ in support, to feel a bit aggrieved that it's not more equally spread, particularly if there is also a deficit of attention and love and practical care that goes with that.

I am not saying that the OP should wallow in such feelings. But I do think there is some value in acknowledging that a family setup is dysfunctional and damaging and unequal and unfair, as a prelude to people moving on to be more self-reliant. The most damaging thing can be waiting around just hoping that love and validation will arrive one day, if that is never going to happen. I think a lot of people who haven't experienced much love or care in the family get stuck in that trap, and for years too.

Op, I think you need to focus on taking control of your own life and not look at what you've "lost" financially from your parents disinheriting you, if indeed they have as you've not clarified that point.

In the last 9 years my dh and I have been made redundant 6 times between us and at one point dh was working nights at Sainsbury's to make ends meet he's got a ug degree and many professional qualifications, it's the only job he could get apparently he didn't have an Asda personality

I understand why you would feel a little put out that your nieces/nephews are set to inherit your parents fortune but to put it in perspective their mum died and your parents lost a child.

You as an adult need to get past the money and dysfunctional relationship that you have with your parents and work towards you're own goals be that a masters degree or just full time hours.

In your previous posts you've not come across well and if you're behaving that way in interviews to be honest a masters degree isn't going to be worth the paper it's printed on people will not let difficult people into their organisations as they're a nightmare to manage.