To be upset that I think BOTH my parents (separated) are leaving their inheritances to my nephew and niece?

[scaryclown]

Just that really. I have been living in near and actual.poverty for a couple of years now, and i have realised with great sadness that my parents are kind of writing me out of history. I've not had children yet as i wanted to.be at least stable finacially first, but now i realise i might not be before my parents die, and so.they are.thinking of completely ignoring me. AIBU to be sad/angry/upset about this? i feel as though.i ought to.confront them, but also know that if i do they are b I th of the 'well if you are going to.be like that you don't deserve the.money'

I am also a bit miffed that my dad has been on two holidays a year for a decade and yet i haven't been.able to.even afford.food sometimes. Am i wrong to hate this??

Have your parents told you they are leaving all their money to your DNs, or are you assuming from things they have hinted at? Are you sure it's not just your sibling's share?

If they have told you directly, might be worth telling them you'll contest any will that cuts you out.

If not, don't assume.

Re caring for them, why would you pay? Their money would be used until there was only £21k left, at which point the state will take over.

Tbh at this stage you need employment. Any employment. Mcdonalds, where you get meals on duty. A supermarket, where you get discounted food. Think laterally. You don't need a masters.

I'm confused. You say you have a two year employment gap but also say you've worked for three employees in the past year that thought 30 hours per week was full time. So you've had three jobs in the past year but not retained them?

I just think sometimes they don't get it, they might never have lived on the breadline themselves. Also, they may never have had parental support themselves perhaps.

It is sad that they have decided not to help you out financially. It seems as though they think you have got yourself into trouble and are responsible to get yourself out. Could you ask them directly for some help and spell out how hard it is for you to find employment? What's the worst that can happen if you ask directly? It can't get much worse than it is for you now, I shouldn't think.

You sound like you are stuck trying to find work that isn't some dodgy 0 hour contract. I hope a job comes along soon.

If you feel you cannot rely on your parents help, then the only thing you can do is help yourself.

You need to formulate a plan to help you change your own circumstances. Retrain? Change jobs? Move to a more affordable area?

So you don't visit, your sister's children who you suspect will inherit instead of you are motherless, and you're complaining?
I think there's a back story here.

My parents amended their will so the bulk goes to my son and are also looking a spending some of their savings to put him through private school. His father died when he was little, they know that money won't make up for that but want to help him to be financially secure in the future so he can live a decent life. My sister (who will lose a fair chunk of expected inheritance because of this) fully supports it. I honestly don't think your parents are being unfair in that respect.

You seem fixated on the Masters. You are not going to progress in life if you keep bitterly looking to the past and blaming it for everything in the present.

I do not think that doing a masters will help your job prospects

If you have a degree can you investigate a career in teaching or TEFL or online tutoring or teaching assistant ?

I have found that if you are in work (any work) if you are lucky, people may offer you opportunities to progress

Can you get a job working in a restaurant, hotel or shop that sells food ? When I have worked in these types I have been given free or reduced price food as part of my employment
Some jobs in hotels offer free food and accomadation

Having a degree does not entitle you to a top job, but it should open more doors

I would try to concentrate on making your life better first

I think the issues you have with your parents, is a secondary issue

We have a family member no one helps any more there is a reason find the reason why they don't want to help you and see if you can understand their position.

Do you know that you have been written out of the will or as others have said has your sisters share been allocated to your niece and nephews and there has been a misunderstanding? I can totally understand if they have allocated your sisters share to your sisters children as they would want their share protected rather than be controlled by you (in the nicest possible way).

In terms of your poverty there is obviously a back story here and irrelevant of how you got in the position you are here. I would suggest actually asking directly for help rather than leaving hints, then if they decline they will (most likely) give a reason.

Have you discussed their long term wishes when they may need care? Is it their expectation that you help or yours? You certainly wouldn't be expected to pay for it but it will come out of their assets - depending on the length of time they need care the will maybe irrelevant anyway as there is no money left.

In terms of their holidays, I think you have to look past it as they are entitled to spend their money how they wish.

As an aside, unless you need a masters in your chosen career, then it is unlikely that it would have helped your situation. However I do understand that their are fields where it is required (but you could get entry jobs in the field without it).

I'm sure you already are but you need to focus on small improvements to enable you to have heating and better food options for the short term.

As a hiring manager a masters doesn't help rationalise a bumpy employment history although it's sometimes an indicator of the hiree being keen to retrain. We all know that for the last five years people have been unemployed, made redundant or under employed.

But it worries me that OP seems so desperately poor and her parents are having expensive holidays. That does seem uncaring.

Have you ever thought you might be happier if you saw/spoke less to your parents and concentrated more on your own life? Expecting rescue/support from people who aren't interested is both hurtful and draining. Try dialling the contact right back - you don't have to see them, speak to them (or at least not much) or engage with them. You certainly don't need to offer them support or care as they get older - they are in no position to demand it, nor you to give it - you're too busy getting your own life sorted.

You'll find if you don't see/speak to them much they'll occupy your thoughts less and less and you'll feel less upset by them.

I agree with others who have said that a masters isn't going to solve your problems.

If you can't get a job which pays enough that you're not living in poverty with a degree then the problem is not your lack of qualifications. It's something else. It's your attitude, or your approach to work, your CV, the spelling and grammar in your applications or even your appearance. Something is preventing you from getting a job. It truly isn't your lack of a masters degree.

As a parent, if I had the money I would help my child, regardless of age. I most certainly wouldn't leave them out if my will unless they did something so awful that I couldn't forgive them. If your parents don't give a shit that that you are severely on the bread line then then you've either really upset them in the past, or they are heartless or they do not know. Obviously just my opinion here.

"Do your parents know just how bad things are for you financially at the minute? It seems a bit odd for them to be complaining about you not visiting and not taking them out if they're aware of just how much you're struggling financially."

I wondered about this as well. If DD was living hand to mouth the way you seem to be I would be horrified and would want to help her.

I also agree that obtaining masters degree is no guarantee of getting a better paid job. I don't have a masters, or even a degree, but have a good job. I feel that there is a lot that you aren't telling us and we would need a fuller picture to be able to advise.

What are you qualified to do? You do need to stop blaming other people for your financial circumstances and look at what you can do to help yourself. You are educated to degree level so that must open some doors for you.

At which point though do you leave your adult kids to stand on their own two feet? There must be a cut off point at which you think they just have to get on with it. The OP's Dad seems to have a new partner....perhaps she doesn't want money going to the OP? I know my Dad used to get missed off at the constant handouts to his new wife's eldest son, and this was when the eldest was in his late 20s/ early 30s.

At which point though do you leave your adult kids to stand on their own two feet? There must be a cut off point at which you think they just have to get on with it

So do grown-up kids not help out their parents then? I help out my mum on a regular basis.

I'd go even further than that. A masters is likely to make you less employable, not more, given your employment history.

I'd advise having a proper think about why you haven't been able to gain/keep a reasonable job. There are obviously underlying issues.

It may well make you less employable.

In my profession (law) it is unnecessary. We have to go to law school etc so there is of course post graduate education but when I see a masters on a CV I think that person wanted to stay at university for longer and didn't want to get a job.

What makes you so sure of their plans have they discussed the fact they are leaving all money to you Dn and Dn....I hate to say it but I guess I may do the same for my grandchildren had they lost their mother....but not in entirity.

^^This. I guess it depends on your family culture but in mine/dh's help and support is lifelong and reciprocal - including financial help when necessary (new winter coat when kids were little and money was tight, help with deposit for first house, babysitting etc). To be fair until the last few years it was more a case of parents helping us but now they are all getting elderly the tide is turning the other way and that's fine. We now do my dad's online shop and help clean his house, we ferry people to medical appointments, do gardening etc etc

Quite a lot of families work like this ime.

There's a lot going on here. In a perfect world I think that parents should try to treat each child the same but it doesn't always happen for all sorts of reasons because life isn't fair and human beings can behave awkwardly. Have you any evidence that you're going to be written out, or it is just a hunch? How confrontational do you want to be? It could make things worse if they took offence at being asked. Tread carefully.

Like others I expect there is a back story.

It's possible that the OP has had handouts before... but not as many as she would like. Previous handouts haven't been enough. Handouts are not used for the intended purpose. Money may have been loaned and not paid back. Lots of reasons along those lines.

The fact that both parents have come to this decision separately makes me think that there is a genuine reason for it.

Could this be an attempt at inheritance management rather than a deliberate snub? Are they assuming that you will also have children and money will go their way?

Financial advisors seem to default to giving money to the youngest relative. When I saw a financial advisor (before I had a family) they advised me to leave my money to my Nephew to avoid inheritance tax, they didn't ask about my parent, my parents are not well off and I didn't take the advice.

You know your family better than any of us, have you thought about the reasons behind their decision?

The bit about the Masters seems an unfair expectation on your Dad tbh, did your father fund your siblings degrees?

I really feel for you OP. With winter coming up you must be dreading living with the cold. Also, your parents (esp. your father) seem awfully lacking in compassion. Fine - so he wants to go on holiday ... but the complete lack of give-a-damn for you is very off.

Have you always been the unfavoured one in the family?

As for the will ... you might have a right to contest (as a child). I don't know, though, and blended families always make things tricky.

I think it awfully unfair if they are giving more to the nieces.

As for being poor, you have my sympathies here too, having been poor myself. Sometimes it takes money to get out of the poverty trap, and if you don't have it then it is awfully difficult.