To be upset that I think BOTH my parents (separated) are leaving their inheritances to my nephew and niece?

[scaryclown]

Just that really. I have been living in near and actual.poverty for a couple of years now, and i have realised with great sadness that my parents are kind of writing me out of history. I've not had children yet as i wanted to.be at least stable finacially first, but now i realise i might not be before my parents die, and so.they are.thinking of completely ignoring me. AIBU to be sad/angry/upset about this? i feel as though.i ought to.confront them, but also know that if i do they are b I th of the 'well if you are going to.be like that you don't deserve the.money'

I am also a bit miffed that my dad has been on two holidays a year for a decade and yet i haven't been.able to.even afford.food sometimes. Am i wrong to hate this??

Forget the Masters. It's counter-productive, you would just be getting yourself into a load of debt keeping yourself stuck in fantasy world.

Considering that so many of us replying on this thread agree with this ^ , it's concievable that this is exactly why your parents don't give you money - because they think you'll spend it on a pipedream and be back to square 1 or worse in 2/3 years time!

There are certain personality types where you do more harm than help if you give them money, I'm guessing the parents think the OP is one such type

It all sounds very difficult and depressing. It is hard being out of work. I just wanted to mention that often those people who do the best at school are not the ones who do best at jobs and life. It can come as a nasty surprise. School judges you on how academic you are, but life is a lot more complicated and not always fair. Just because you have done well at school/university does not mean you can expect a well paid job, sadly. Life can be a struggle.

YANBU. Our parents' generation had it so much easier than us. Even blue collar workers could afford to buy a nice house and have holidays back then. Not so now. They should help you if they can afford it.

About the Masters, though... unless you are doing it whilst in full-time work, I wouldn't bother. Employers often see people doing Masters as a way of avoiding proper work.

OP, there seem to be two different issues going on here.

Firstly, your relationship with your parents - you clearly feel unloved and unsupported by them. AIBU is probably not the best place to be trying to figure this out or work through your feelings on this - maybe try posting on relationships?

Secondly, your financial and work situation, is also a problem for you, but it would probably be helpful to try separating this out from the issues with your parents.
It's pretty rubbish and hurtful if they are in a position to help you improve matters there and are choosing not to, but brooding over that won't help you to assess how to move forwards and make the choices / changes you need in order to improve your situation.
Again, a separate thread(s) detailing what area you want to work in and asking for advice on how to achieve this by yourself might be more helpful for you.

"fwiw i was a prize winning grad, had business awards, was the brightest in my class in three STEM subjevts at school, was accepted for officer training in military, have high IQ, etc etc"

So what went wrong? Why are you only applying for minimum wage jobs?

I just wanted to mention that often those people who do the best at school are not the ones who do best at jobs and life. It can come as a nasty surprise.

I agree, the OP reminds me of myself in my very early 20s, like you OP I was told how great I was in school and as an undergrad. I left feeling destined and entitled to a good job!

I did not do well job wise initially, and I saw friends who were much weaker than me at school or uni excelling ahead of me, and I quickly grew out of my attitude that I should succeed just because I had aptitude as a student, but you still seem to have it.

Being a good student is way down the list when it comes to workplace skills you need to get on. In fact even if you go into academia, having been a good student as an undergrad is not a key skill - it's all about people and politics and dynamics. If you can do that you're okay in whatever field you're in, whether its working as a shop assistant or as a CEO.

The skills you need to get on okay with a shit boss in a min wage zero hours job are exactly the same skills you need to get on okay with a shit job in a "good" professional job.

Your masters won't teach you any of this, you can learn all of this in your "shit" zero hours jobs.

to get on okay with a shit job in a "good" professional job.

^ should say "shit boss" not "shit job"

(p.s. you learn it by watching others… watch the friends who got a 2:2 but who are somehow doing well in a grad job - look at how they interact with people. Watch your co-workers in your min-wage jobs who are happy and don't seem to have the boss on their back as much as you do, look at how they interact with their supervisors, do what they do, see what happens)

I don't get it - if you were a prize winning grad, accepted for officer training etc, why are you working minimum wage jobs? I'm thick as two short planks with only some dodgy A levels and a secretarial qualification to my name and I'm on more than minimum wage

I think the last few posted really deserve some serious thought OP

It sounds as though you have struggled to come to terms with some of the harsher facts of life outlined in them.

A masters won't explain the last five years of patchy employment. It will give you an excuse for another few years of no relevant work experience. It is not the magic answer you want.

What went wrong OP? Why didn't you do officer training or whatever amazing things you coulda shoulda woulda done? I'm guessing it had nothing to do with your parents.

You've only really spoken about your dad but claim your mother is doing the same? If both parents who are no longer together are refusing you money there may well be good reason

If your attitude here is anything to go by, those colleague complaints may not be as unfounded as you think.

You need to find a job and develop within that. Starting off as a temp or zero hours is unfortunately the norm these days. But then show them that you're a hard worker and want to succeed and you can progress.

You're 40ish. You've not been a child for decades. Regardless of the rights or wrongs of the situation, your parents aren't helping you the way you think they should.

OP you sound like the kind of person who talks about doing a lot, but never actually does anything, you are an adult and capable of looking after yourself, you sound like you are just making excuses cosntantly. Perhaps that is why your parents have cut you out?

You keep acting like they have cut you out, but there must be a good reason for two people to interdependently cut you from their lives.

YuckYuck's post is really perceptive. Doing well in employment really is a whole different skill set.

OP, I have an acquaintance who reminds me of you. Was a superstar in school/uni and then never cut it in the world of work despite having some good opportunities. I suspect she couldn't handle starting at the bottom, feeling underappreciated, but these are things that everyone has to negotiate, no matter how clever.

Unlike you, she has been held up by a rich and supportive family. But actually, it's done her no favours, she would have been better off having to turn things around for herself.

Some interesting posts that could be helpful in places - but I think some could throw in a larger measure of compassion.

True that doing well at school doesn't always continue into the world of work, and that different skills are needed. But understandable I think that this can come as a bit of a shock to anyone.

'So do grown-up kids not help out their parents then? I help out my mum on a regular basis.' Depends on what they want. I am driving to Devon from belgium to pick my Mum up for Christmas, and I will spend money on her, making sure we take her out etc etc, and I would help her out financially if she needed it, but I think with your kids there comes a point where they have to stand on their own two feet or at least make a damn good attempt at it.

You haven't clarified

A) How you got into this situation; and

B) If you know for sure whether your parents are leaving the entirety of their estates to your dn.

True that doing well at school doesn't always continue into the world of work, and that different skills are needed. But understandable I think that this can come as a bit of a shock to anyone.

Yes, it can certainly be a shock to the system.

But it's been decades since OP was at school.

This isn't a brand new graduate with delusions of the world of work.

I get you Juggling, but I think the OP needs a wake up call more than anything else.

She's stuck in a negative way of thinking in which she blames others/circumstances for her situation in life. And she's close to 40 and needs to figure out how to hold down decent employment fast.

It's not clear that her parents are freezing her out of her inheritance or acting against her interests. But her defensiveness/negativity are definitely coming across.

OP, Please don't take offence - you remind me of my BIL who had mild aspergers. He's very intelligent, but struggles socially and hasn't been able to hold a job down due to this. He has a wealth of knowledge and it's such a shame that he hasn't been able to progress in a career. His knowledge base would make him an excellent historian or teacher/lecturer if he was able to do this. However he has a supportive family who just take him as he is and he is absolutely wonderful with us all. He says similar things to what you've said - blaming bosses and jobs, the government. Perhaps he just doesn't realise it's him and not the world... maybe that's just how some people are. I don't know.

You might want to consider how you come across, job wise. For instance, who would want to employ a right old self pitying, self justifying moaner. And your parents have no need to finance one either. Two bereaved children cf one adult educated to degree level and still whining for handouts would be a no brainer for me.

I think maybe there are some mental health issues here. OP you sound very down and it's hard to look objectively at things when you're in that frame of mind. But reading between the lines of your posts, it doesn't sound as if you are doing yourself any favours in terms of interpersonal skills and having a realistic, adult approach. Sanctions, complaints being made, this idea you have that nobody 'approves' of you or wants to give you a chance... it comes across that you are getting in your own way a great deal. Hard to believe that all these things are coming randomly out of nowhere. I'm not disputing that your situation sounds difficult but you are single and intelligent, and able to provide for yourself ultimately, albeit things may be very tough at the moment. I honestly don't mean to sound unsympathetic. It could be that a variety of factors outside your control have led you to this point, you refer to a career fuckup six years ago...but at this point you need to look forward not back, accept where you are and let go of what you think your life 'should' look like. It doesn't mean things will always be like this but you have to start somewhere and the Masters thing is just a distraction.

Again this could be mental health problems in which case you need to seek help. It sounds as though you are simply unaware of your own part in this and you need to get some good advice irl.

As an aside if you are applying for jobs and making anything like these types of errors with spelling etc you won't be getting interviews for that reason. It could be worth getting some help with that.

The sanctions thing really really rings a bell with me.....

About the Masters, though... unless you are doing it whilst in full-time work, I wouldn't bother. Employers often see people doing Masters as a way of avoiding proper work.

Not only that, but also on most Masters courses these days the vast majority of students are sent by and funded by their workplace… and so you are in quite a disadvantage course-work wise if you are one of the only one's who can't apply the theory to actual current practice like your classmates will be doing.

You won't do as well as the others and will probably struggle to keep up. Any masters modules I've been sent on from work in the last few years have only had 1 or 2 self funders in the whole class, and they were at a bit of a disadvantage as a result of not being able to apply the coursework to professional practice as we went along.

There are exceptions like some full time health or social care masters that include placements. But for most masters, your parents paying for you to do it now could be counter productive, you could struggle to pass because it's not as book-learn-ey as a batchelers, at masters level you're supposed to come up with ideas of ways to take the theory and use it to impliment improvements in practice etc.

If they did what you want right now you might scrape through and fail.

If you want a masters do it the way most other people your age do it: work your way up then get funding once you're in a position to apply the course to a workplace.

Skittless I was reminded of people with Aspergers too.

That's a nice post Skittless.

However maybe you could say it's the world as well as individuals.

If you're at all a square peg it can be really hard to fit into the world's row upon row of round holes.

The world of work, especially in our economic climate, can be massively inflexible and unforgiving I think.