To think me hitting her 10 years ago hasn't caused this?

[MrsKieraJ]

Hi. But unsure if I should ask this. I'll probably be slated!

Anyway I've grown a thick skin for this.

My daughter is 16, she is very mentally unwell. Lots of suicide threats and thoughts, 1 attempt. Self harms most days, has been in hospital for stitches etc. Still seeing CAMHS and I try and get her to therapy etc. She sees a few different people. When she was about 6 I did hit her, it was more than a slap too and I have never forgiven myself I fully admit I was in the wrong and am not pretending it was nothing as it was a massive deal, but everytime she has ever done anything wrong, she's always said "I'm not a perfect child, like you're not a perfect mum because you hit me" and I hear it every single day. Her counsellor has just encouraged her by telling her that it could have caused all her issues. Be honest, do you seriously think that's likely? Surely many mums have lost their temper at some point. I'm sure all of those didn't develop such severe mental health problems. I remember my mum used to slap me very frequently!!

It depends what you mean by 'more than a slap' tbh.

more than a slap

That answers it all.

What do you mean by 'it was more than a slap'?

Honestly? No I don't think that one hit could have caused such issues unless you left her with permanent damage.
However I do think that general attitude and how a family (fails to) deal with emotions could cause it in a susceptible individual. Or emotional abuse

What is 'more than a slap'?

I think you need to clarify this. It's quite different smacking a 6 year old and beating them with a stick.

What did you do?

More than a slap to a six year old, dear god

Well it doesn't sound like a loving relationship from small. I have a 6 year old, he would be scared and afraid if Dh or I hit him at all, especially as it sounds like actual hard slapping etc. If Dh hit me he would be out the door in 2 seconds flat

Oh I missed the "more than a slap".

Probably yes. If it was more than a slap. Did u bray her? She maybe has issues with that still. Was it once or consistent?

I honestly don't think AIBU is the place to seek answers for this. How could we possibly tell either way?

I agree, what is more than a slap?

Slap would be bad enough. You have play obably caused psychological damage, she obviously remembers it.

I don't really understand.

Was it just once?

What is more than a slap?

Was it done in anger or as a form of discipline?

I don't know how parents smack their children. I feel like crying if I raise my voice. Dear god

She may have been about 7, I was unwell. Does it really matter exactly? It was more than a slap but she didn't need medical attention or anything. Yes, she was scared and yes, I was awful and yes I am a horrible person for it but it was one mistkae

It honestly depends what you did, why, how, where.

Did you punch a six year old? Slap her on the arse till she wet herself and walk away? It matters, what happened.

GizmoFrisby

What is bray?

Depends what you mean by more than a slap - head injuries absolutely can cause life-long mood and personality changes and instability.

Yes it matters.

I actually think your daughter is manipulating you in order to make you feel bad. I am sure we have all been too harsh with our dc at one point or another. I seriously doubt that even a handful of incidents cause the problems your daughter has. Mental health problems can arise from serious mental and physical abuse but they can also arise for other reasons. Please stop listening and reacting to the quilt trip your dd is dealing you and try and help with constructive support.

Yes, she was scared and yes, I was awful and yes I am a horrible person for it but it was one mistkae

If it is still affecting your daughter then it is still affecting your daughter. It is not for you to decide when she should be over it or how much damage you judge it might have done.

I think one incident is unlikely to be the only cause of her issues, it's more likely that how that incident has been dealt with may show that there is some dysfunctional thinking going on in your family.

Any physical violence from a parent has the capability to cause emotional issues. They are the people who are meant to love and protect you, not hurt you.

More than a slap? A punch? To the head, to the face? I shudder at a slap let alone ''more'' than a slap.

^everytime she has ever done anything wrong, she's always said "I'm not a perfect child, like you're not a perfect mum because you hit me"

Do you have unreasonable expectations of her? Are you a hypocrite in her eyes, as the above comment suggests? When you gave her "more than a slap", was that in response to her not living up to your expectations? I can see how living in that environment could cause ongoing anxiety issues.