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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Eldest DD wants to go to Oxford I fear her tribe is not there

393 replies

Pisssssedofff · 09/11/2016 11:26

But she's determined. I want to support her I really do but I want her to meet her life long buddies at uni.

Any thoughts ?

OP posts:
ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 09/11/2016 11:28

Has she got in? Going through the interview process/open days etc will give her/have given her a reasonable feel for the place. I think you need to support her in whatever choice she makes.

BastardGoDarkly · 09/11/2016 11:28

What's wrong with Oxford? And what's wrong with your daughter's judgement that she can't choose her own friends?

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 09/11/2016 11:29

Where do you want her to go? What do you not like about Oxford? I'd be so happy if my son expressed an interest in Oxford ... I have the opposite problem.

LikeTheShoes · 09/11/2016 11:29

It's a big university and a big city. There will be a lot of different people.

Who do you want to be her "tribe"?

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 09/11/2016 11:30

Right now she doesn't really have friends so I can't judge her judgement either way.

Of course I'll support her, I just want her to be happy and I guess fear she might not meet her type there. She's very artistic, very argumentative loves a good debate, dresses like she's homeless, I just worry is the place for her

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 09/11/2016 11:31

What do you mean "her tribe is not there"?
Does she want to go? Has she got a realistic chance of getting in? If yes to both I can't understand why you wouldn't support her.

Lilaclily · 09/11/2016 11:31

You are being dramatic and silly Grin
Leave her be !

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 09/11/2016 11:31

It's not about what I want her tribe to be, I don't care as long as they aren't junkies, thieves etc

OP posts:
BonusNewt · 09/11/2016 11:31

Who is her tribe? I met some of my lifelong friends at Cambridge, and I grew up on a council estate. Not everyone at Oxford is Sebastian Whatshisface from Brideshead Revisited you know.

papaverorientale · 09/11/2016 11:32

There is a wide range of people at any university. Oxford is full of all sorts of wonderful people. The only way she wouldn't fit in if she isn't interested in working, but then she's unlikely to get in if she's not interested in her subject.

Armadillostoes · 09/11/2016 11:32

YABVU-my mother had this attitude about my going to Cambridge. It spoilt my excitement about going off to university and was based on her own insecurity and prejudice. I am really sorry to sound so harsh, bit please don't think like this. Both Oxford and Cambridge are big universities with all kinds of people. There is a lot of freedom to be yourself and as good a chance of making close friends there as at any other university.

mumonashoestring · 09/11/2016 11:32

Two thoughts - first one, from someone who works at Oxford Uni, is there's a huge variety of people here. She'll meet the people on her course who'll be international and from a variety of backgrounds, the people in her College who'll all be studying different subjects, and anyone she meets through getting involved in clubs, activities, charities etc. The real common denominator is you need a spine of steel and a serious work ethic to get by because there's no such thing as an easy course - if she's academically capable of what she's aiming for she'll have a grand time.

Point two - I did meet some lifelong friends at Uni, but I've also known some since school, met some since graduating... University is one relatively short period in your life where you're figuring out who you are and where you're going and it's just as likely you'll end up outgrowing friends you make at Uni as friends you make anywhere else.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 09/11/2016 11:32

She's at the open day today. If she wants to go she'll get in.

OP posts:
RebeccaWithTheGoodHair · 09/11/2016 11:32

do you meet many junkies and thieves at Oxford?

PurpleDaisies · 09/11/2016 11:33

She's at the open day today. If she wants to go she'll get in.

That is not a given.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 09/11/2016 11:34

Don't worry. From your description she'll fit in fine. The place is stiff with eccentrics, square pegs a specialty. Smile

PurpleDaisies · 09/11/2016 11:34

By that I lean plenty of very bright, well rounded and articulate applicants still don't make get accepted.

RhiWrites · 09/11/2016 11:34

I went to Oxford. I promise you I met my lifelong friends here. 20 years later we all live close to each other and hang out all the time. It's full of artsy weirdos. It's a great city for finding your tribe.

BroomstickOfLove · 09/11/2016 11:34

If she's artistic, articulate, scruffy and enjoys a good debate she'd do fine - that's a pretty good description of many of the Oxford graduates I know.

MorrisZapp · 09/11/2016 11:34

Is this the humble brag Oscars? My neice won't shift from the sofa. No job, no interest in education. But I can see how hard it is when your child wants to go to Oxford. You must be feeling very sad about it.

Emberfirefly · 09/11/2016 11:34

I doubt that the majority of Oxford university students fall into the 'junkie' or 'thief' category. From how you've described her she sounds like she will fit in very well and enjoy it.

PurpleDaisies · 09/11/2016 11:34

Sorry for typos-post election night tiredness.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 09/11/2016 11:34

RebeccaWithTheGoodHair. I suspect you meet them everywhere tbh

OP posts:
Manumission · 09/11/2016 11:36

She's at the open day today. If she wants to go she'll get in.

I came on to say that all tribes are there but erm, wow, you said that out loud, did you realise? Grin

newmumwithquestions · 09/11/2016 11:36

Support her. If that's what she wants to do support her. If you push her in another direction she'll resent it.
YABU