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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Looking through OH stuff backfired

191 replies

Christinedonna · 31/10/2016 11:04

I don't know whether to feel angry or guilty. Ive just hacked my OHs Instagram and its majorly bitten me in the arse. I've found messages that have majorly upset him me, him talking to a girl about going round there etc when I'd gone out for the day with DD. He's used that opportunity to try and see another girl? I know I shouldn't have gone through his stuff like that. But the way he's been acting lately, really protective of his phone, secretive over where he's going etc..with a young baby to look after all day and me feeling like I just don't matter to him anymore, how could I not look? What should I do now? Do I have a leg to stand on, considering the way I've come across it?

OP posts:

0dfod · 02/11/2016 12:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mix56 · 02/11/2016 16:48

Make sure he does not come into your house. this applies when you are out too. You must change the locks. It is also IMPERATIVE to get any important paperwork, birth cert, passport, house docs, pay slips, pension, anything that will help evaluate what child maintenance he will have to pay, (he may remove it,) Also anything precious you must take & leave at your sisters for now, so he can't take or destroy anything of value.
You change pin on any joint savings accounts
You stop paying his phone or any of his bills & you make an aptmt with CAB to find out all the paperwork you need to do to declare you are now single, asap, as any benefits will be kick in from this date
You change all log ins on your computer & phone & make 200% sure you have disactivated any cloud, joint fb, WhatsApp, instagram etc. You do not want him reading your private correspondence. nor seeing where you are on google maps.
This may seem OTT at the moment, but you will soon discover that he will get nasty once he realises the "I love, I miss you" fallacy has not done its work & you do not have him back.
he had plenty of time & opportunity to love you & your DC, but didn't care much then.

plimsolls · 02/11/2016 18:21

Christine, I really admire how strong and clear you are being

GabsAlot · 02/11/2016 18:59

good for you christine and as sky says he will do these things to try and get u to talk to him

like u said prviously he never showed this much interest before so why now?

PhantasmMode · 02/11/2016 20:03

Hope you had a nice day with your sister Christine. Keep strong.

Original poster

Christinedonna · 05/11/2016 10:00

Minor set back. Me and DD needed to go shopping and since dickhead left with our only means of transport I reluctantly took up his offer of taking us. He came round while I got ready to look after DD, I got out of the shower to find her amusing herself while he played his play station. We went out for the day and he brought everything, lunch, presents I wanted for DD, a new coat and clothes for me. Despite him trying to buy us, a little part of me thought "maybe he is really trying to fix this". Took us home and he left. My sneaky suspicion came back so I looked on his Facebook and he was talking to another girl whilst he was watching DD and shopping with us. All day sexting ANOTHER randomer. I packed his shit up, threw it outside and told him to get it. He returned his keys and he now has been told Sunday 12-2 is when he can see DD. Apparently this isn't enough for him and he should be allowed 4 days a week minimum. Not happening. He won't even cherish the two hours I've given him so I'm certainly not giving up anymore of my babies time when she could be being loved and cuddled by her one parent that she means the world to

OP posts:

Mix56 · 05/11/2016 10:24

legally he will be allowed more than 2 hours a week.

Original poster

Christinedonna · 05/11/2016 10:38

I've said as soon as he starts proving he will actually pay attention to her and make the most of his time he can have more. But I'm not giving up my daughters time to be ignored

OP posts:

Magrijade · 05/11/2016 10:40

Well your not just going to accept that are you?

I would say I know you went to see such n such on this day....

Explain.....

As your packing his bag!!

Original poster

Christinedonna · 05/11/2016 10:41

Oh yeah I've told him everything I saw. He's adamant I've got it wrong and have misunderstood and he'll "do everything to make it right" heard that far too many times now

OP posts:

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 05/11/2016 11:32

legally he will be allowed more than 2 hours a week.

Especially if he took it to court.

orangeterry · 05/11/2016 15:32

Doubt he'll be bothered enough to take it to court , men like this never are.
All gob

Original poster

Christinedonna · 05/11/2016 15:49

I doubt he'll even turn up to see her

OP posts:

plimsolls · 08/11/2016 19:28

How's it going Christine?

Original poster

Christinedonna · 08/11/2016 22:40

Good thank you! Come to the conclusion I'm much happier just me and my baby. Her dad saw her Sunday and came over for an hour today, gave her a bottle and left. She has a hospital appointment Friday, he's taking us to that. So not constant contact but just settling into a nice routine. Very happy thanks everyone for everything xx

OP posts:

plimsolls · 09/11/2016 12:54

So pleased to hear that christine, onwards and upwards

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