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Original poster

Looking through OH stuff backfired

191 replies

Christinedonna · 31/10/2016 11:04

I don't know whether to feel angry or guilty. Ive just hacked my OHs Instagram and its majorly bitten me in the arse. I've found messages that have majorly upset him me, him talking to a girl about going round there etc when I'd gone out for the day with DD. He's used that opportunity to try and see another girl? I know I shouldn't have gone through his stuff like that. But the way he's been acting lately, really protective of his phone, secretive over where he's going etc..with a young baby to look after all day and me feeling like I just don't matter to him anymore, how could I not look? What should I do now? Do I have a leg to stand on, considering the way I've come across it?

OP posts:
PrinceHansOfTheTescoAisles · 31/10/2016 17:44

HerOtherHalf whose other half are you? The OPs??

kali110 · 31/10/2016 17:47

Op you're upset, there's no need to insult people 'clearly you don't have my morals' 'you're dim'.
There's no need for that.
If you hAdn't have posted the message about the bf then i would have said that he hasn't actually done anything wrong.
Some people only read the first few posts so haven't read the rest of the posts about how he's treated you.
Maybe he's had a shock and realised what he stands to lose. If that's not enough for you which it doesn't have to be, then stay firm and say it's over.

Original poster
Christinedonna · 31/10/2016 17:52

If it's not an educated opinion i don't think you should make one. I've explained everything I can, I don't need someone that hasn't bothered to actually read it to tell me that he deserves better. Better than what? Losing friends over him, do everything for him, loving him unconditionally and giving me a beautiful DD and dedicating my life to raising her.. Better than that?
Yes I'm annoyed but It's not like I'm only willing to listen to what I want to hear, but I've done nothing to deserve nastiness

OP posts:
user1475249801 · 31/10/2016 17:57

What Shemozzle said

HerOtherHalf I think you're being ridiculous.

GabsAlot · 31/10/2016 18:12

christine ignore people who cant even read a whole thread

he treats u like his slave he doesnt live in a resturant

pack his bags for him and leave them outside

SpunkyMummy · 31/10/2016 18:13

I'll probably be hated for this. But did DH actually cheat or is he "just" flirting? Is there anything wrong with flirting?

You say there isn't any excitetement left in your relationship... well, that's usually not just the fault of one person.

I'm not saying he isn't a twit, btw.

SpunkyMummy · 31/10/2016 18:15

I mean. If you're upset by his general behaviour? Sure. You certainly have enough reasons to leave.

But flirting? That isn't a reason in my book.

Original poster
Christinedonna · 31/10/2016 18:17

He asked for her address and said he was going round. If it wasn't for her bf being there he would have gone (if she allowed him) do you really think he'd have just fixed her telly (which he already said he wouldn't be able to do) I highly doubt he'd have walked in, tensed and said bye. He wanted to sleep with her and was fully prepared to if it wasn't for her response. I don't call that flirting

OP posts:
slenderisthenight · 31/10/2016 18:21

Is there anything wrong with flirting?

Let me see now...

When your wife has gone through the joys of pregnancy and labour and is even now caring for a baby he hardly interacts with?

When he couldn't be bothered to even get his pregnant wife a glass of water without making her feel bad about it?

Yes. There's something wrong with flirting. and you, quite possibly

When you have a young child, you have a right to loyalty from your partner because it's how decent men behave. You do not have to 'keep the romance alive' in order to deserve fidelity. Hmm

slenderisthenight · 31/10/2016 18:23

And talking to other women in a way you can't be bothered to talk to you wife? Eating a dinner she has cooked and then sitting 'flirting' on your phone all evening?

Did you really need to ask???

Original poster
Christinedonna · 31/10/2016 18:26

In regards of keeping the romance alive. I've done everything possible. Having sex up until days before DD was born (8 days overdue aswell that's not easy) oral when I was bleeding after birth, early doctors appointments for pill so we could get straight back to it. Even if we're not talking about sex, dressing her in "I love my daddy" clothes for when he gets home, staying home when he spends days out fucking with his stupid car getting dinner ready, making him a "good luck daddy" card from her for when he returned to work, losing a stone in the last three weeks to try and look good for him (DD is 10 weeks old now so the weight is hardly falling off on its own at this stage) please someone tell me what else I could have done or how this could be my fault

OP posts:
0dfod · 31/10/2016 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpunkyMummy · 31/10/2016 18:37

slender
^When your wife has gone through the joys of pregnancy and labour and is even now caring for a baby he hardly interacts with?

When he couldn't be bothered to even get his pregnant wife a glass of water without making her feel bad about it?

Yes. There's something wrong with flirting.^ and you, quite possibly

Thanks, attacking me was exactly was this conversation needed, I guess.

I clearly said that she has more than enough reasons to leave him. I just don't think the flirting was one of them...
I just think there's more to a relationship than fidelity.

JayDot500 · 31/10/2016 18:37

Herotherhalf is that why he reacted like a guilty man when she called him? Because an innocent man would make all those promises without hesitation, right? Hmm

AnyFucker · 31/10/2016 18:39

Some right goady fuckers on this thread

They love to kick a woman when she is down. I wonder why that might be.

Op, you are being completely reasonable and I am utterly failing to see any reason you should hang onto this priapic little terrier

SarfEast1cated · 31/10/2016 18:42

I have wandered onto this thread after a day at work, so not sure what the usual expectation is, but here is my two'penneth if it's of any use.
If you do love him, if you want him in your lives, if you trust and value him at all I would just ask him what's going on as he seems distant. Ask him if there are any issues he wants to discuss, is he happy, how is he finding being a dad. Don't force yourself into a basque to try to 'keep' him, just ask him straight. If he is a decent chap, he will fess up, or at least admit he is struggling and try to make it work, if he is a git he won't. Your recount of 'oral while you were bleeding' was a bit shocking, could he not give you a chance to heal first? I think this is a time when you can really decide if you want him around. Good luck OP

KatieScarlett · 31/10/2016 18:45

See, this is why there ought to be a flashing warning between "preview post" and "post".
It should say "Are you really, really sure this is a good idea? You know people will read this? You still sure?"
And then and only then should you press post.
(Advice I should have heeded on many a thread I've regretted)

FatOldBag · 31/10/2016 18:48

Bloody hell OP you've got your head screwed on much better than some of the posters on this thread, that's for sure. Deluded!

slenderisthenight · 31/10/2016 18:49

I just think there's more to a relationship than fidelity.

I'm not even going to engage with this. Have a jolly life wooing your DH, cooking his dinner and shrugging your shoulders as his eyes follow the cutest derriere. Your life will never be mine.

HummusForBreakfast · 31/10/2016 19:00

I'm sorry but I think you have been jumping though too many hoops already.
Look at all the stuff you have done 'to keep him happy', the losing weight, the sex stuff etc... What bout what he did for you when yu were carrying his child and then afterwards when you were recovering fprom giving birth?

Just from these few posts, it seems to me that the convo is just the tip of the iceberg and that you have plenty of reasons to LTB.
Sorry. I'm sure this is the last thing you need just now :(:(

SpunkyMummy · 31/10/2016 19:00

slender

I don't cook. And I don't need to woo my husband, but thanks.

DH and I both enjoy cute derrières 😁

SpunkyMummy · 31/10/2016 19:02

And I can only repeat:

The OP has enough reasons to leave her DH. He's a twit.

But the flirting shouldn't be the reason for her leaving him.

HummusForBreakfast · 31/10/2016 19:03

Spunky there is only more to relationship than fidelity when both parties have agreed to it.

I don't get that from the OP at all and this is well within her rights to say that flirting isn't part of the acceptable things to do.

But more importantly, this guy wasn't flirting. You don't flirt when you are proposing to go to a woman's place 'to repair her TV that you are unable to repair'.
It is worrying if some people are now so unused to flirting that they cannot recognised it or tell the difference between gentle flirting and trying it on.

AnyFucker · 31/10/2016 19:05

OP can end her relationship for any reason she likes

there is no "should" or "should not" about it

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 31/10/2016 19:08

Christine, you're on track, stay on it.
That Twonk wants his cake, and eat it !
You'll get through this. 🌺