Looking through OH stuff backfired

[Christinedonna]

I don't know whether to feel angry or guilty. Ive just hacked my OHs Instagram and its majorly bitten me in the arse. I've found messages that have majorly upset him me, him talking to a girl about going round there etc when I'd gone out for the day with DD. He's used that opportunity to try and see another girl? I know I shouldn't have gone through his stuff like that. But the way he's been acting lately, really protective of his phone, secretive over where he's going etc..with a young baby to look after all day and me feeling like I just don't matter to him anymore, how could I not look? What should I do now? Do I have a leg to stand on, considering the way I've come across it?

Fucker

Yes, I agree. I should have added an 'in my opinion' to my last statement.

hummus

Isn't there more to any relationship than fidelity? That doesn't mean cheating isn't wrong.

But seriously, if it's just fidelity then that's... kind of sad, tbh.

There should also be love, acceptance, support etc. Which aren't in the OP's relationship, I agree. He sounds horrible.

I really do wonder about women who post on these threads defending these shitty little men...

If he's not in the wrong, then why is he apologising and asking for forgiveness?

What do you get from attacking an already vunerable woman? Really? Do tell, because I can only assume you're not particularly happy with your own lot...

So you think he sounds horrible but you still suggest the OP should have been keeping the romance alive. With someone you think is horrible. And you think everyone else should be fine with flirting because you and your husband both happen to want to do it and therefore don't mind the other doing it. So you're telling some random on the internet with no such agreement that she shouldn't leave her horrible DP because he has tried to get laid flirted.

I don't understand why some people get on the way they do.

slender

Not what I suggested at all.

Me neither. Just because one couple doesn't mind the other chasing other arses doesn't mean it's ok to diminish those who do not.

slender. We can never really know who is behind a username. spunky has some interesting opinions on other threads this evening, as well. Best not to engage with time-wasters and shit-stirrers, both in RL and online.

Good advice that, Jess

jess what?

Whatever.

OP, your DH is a twit, good luck.

We obviously have very different opinions but I certainly believe that you have the right to leave him.

Yes there is more to a relationship than fidelity.

But a) isn't it kind of a nice place to start? And b) OP doesn't sound like she's getting any other nice things out of this bloke either when I read all her posts!

Happy

I agree. As I said, he's terrible.

It's possible that I reacted this way because I have had nasty experiences with people snooping (absolutely unjustified. Not a partner but my mother, btw.)

Fair play spunky.

My first ever LTB.

He sounds like an absolute cunt. He will never change. I know this isn't the main point of your post. But losing a stone in 3 weeks?! Girl! If you can do that, you can do anything you put your mind to! Your DD will be happier in the long run if her main caregiver (YOU) is happy. You need to prioritise your and your DD's happiness and health. Many for you OP xx

I see Spunky. I think not all snooping is alike. There are people that snoop to be nosey and invade privacy, those who are doing it for a malicious reason... obviously the kind that you were hurt by that is the wrong thing to do.

And then there's cases like I judged the OP's to be - you're 99% sure you're being cheated on and want to find the evidence. Though even then I'd say it's a bad thing that the trust has gone, but by then the snoop is normally feeling they have got good reason to not trust. And sadly usually proven right too.

happy

The thing is, my mother would have said that her snooping was justified as well. "But Spunky, I just had to..."

So, although the outcome of the snooping, leaving the twit, is in this case great... Idk.

Also never said this but ....LTB.

He may not have cheated, but he will. Behaviour like that is unacceptable in my book. Kick him to the kerb, you don't need him, he will never make you happy.

Same action, different responsibilities spunky
No one is saying snooping is good, but in this case it is justified. Your mum didn't promise not to cheat on you? I'm truly sorry your mum hurt you. That is hard.

Your mum didn't promise not to cheat on you? I'm truly sorry your mum hurt you. That is hard.

thank you for the sarcasm, I guess.

Look, for me saying is snooping justified is a bit like saying: "I hit my wife, but it was justified"... if the wife was coming at you with a knife? Sure. But it usually really isn't.

However, as I said. Although we clearly do have different opinions about relationships I'm not disputing the fact that this guy is absolutely awful. And I wish the OP all the best.

I wasn't being sarcastic. I meant every word.

You deserve so much better than this. He needs to change or leave

But why would my mother promise not to cheat on me?

When I wrote "But Spunky, I just had to..." I meant she'd say something like:

"I just needed to know what was going on."/"you've been so distant"/"I just wanted to know if you were badmouthing me"

I'm out spunky I'm doing more harm than good. No hard feelings.

I'm probably doing the same.

Good night and thanks :)

I hope you're ok op and have some rl support.

Some men are just fuckwits. No one needs to feel second best. I'd rather be on my own that put up with that type of crap.