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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be be furious with DP for going on a long weekend,I am 34 weeks Pregnant

133 replies

FlourishingMrs · 10/10/2016 18:39

Ok DP is usually very good, loving and hands on. He is very sporty and goes away 4-4 of times a year for tornaments in Europe with his friends/team mates.

This October I was quite clear that as I am 34 weeks pregnant with not an easy pregnancy, he will really have to miss out on this trip but could still go skiing in Jan as baby will be born. I have a primary school DS who I cannot leave alone if I had to go to the hospital.anyway 11pm Thursday night he infirm me that the team have not found a replacement for him for he will be flying out Friday morning. He has only just got home today Monday.

He is in the kitchen making dinner as we speak, I am so furious with him. I don't want to split the family over this but I need ideas on how I make sure he understands that this behaviour is tottally off, unless of course I am being unreasonable?

OP posts:

melibu84 · 10/10/2016 18:43

When you say "not any easy" pregnancy, do you mean there are some serious complications? If not, I'd say YABU. My partner went away for the weekend when I was that much pregnant. It didn't bother me at all. I am quite laid back about these kinds of things though.

toastytoastbear · 10/10/2016 18:43

sounds a bit OTT, you're 34 weeks not 39. Are you expected to go into premature labour?

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 10/10/2016 18:44

But you told him you were unhappy with him going away because you had no one to take ds. Unless he is leaving you with a nanny for the week or other suitable childcare should you need to go to hospital, he needs to cancel his trip.

If you are taken ill and there is no one else to have ds, social services would have to look after him. Is he happy to take this risk of that happening just so he can play sports?

Jengnr · 10/10/2016 18:44

I think telling you four days in advance is shitty tbh

Figgygal · 10/10/2016 18:45

Wouldn't bother me I also have a ds in school and dh was away for weekend when I was 35wks unless you have mobility issues I'd say let him go.

TaliDiNozzo · 10/10/2016 18:46

I think the short notice is a bit out of order, but I think YAprobablyBU about the rest. I think 37 weeks onwards I would expect DP to not be out of the country but before that it wouldn't bother me.

ZanyMobster · 10/10/2016 18:47

YABU as you are only 34 weeks so the chances of anything happening are slim. He is also BU as he should have just arranged to go properly rather than 4 days before. I suspect he was always going and this was an easier option than telling you in advance.

Coffee - what would a single parent do? Surely it's no different?

Casperthefriendlyspook · 10/10/2016 18:47

I think unless there's an expectation of imminent birth, then YABU. for reference, my DP went home to NZ for 5 weeks, to see his family, when I was 31 weeks, (so back at 36 weeks). I was at home, working FT, with DD aged 3. Yep, I was knackered, but not an enormous deal.

ZanyMobster · 10/10/2016 18:47

If you are actually really unwell, as in serious complications, then it is totally different of course

fc301 · 10/10/2016 18:51

I disagree with everyone else. YANBU.
You had already told him your concerns re pregnancy/health/DS. Then the night before he says sod you I'm going anyway?! Selfish.
You are not unreasonable to feel let down.

fc301 · 10/10/2016 18:52

Besides you are allowed to B a little U when you are 34 wks pregnant. Of course you want him there.

Milander · 10/10/2016 18:57

If you are BU make sure it's you that goes away in Jan, but be sure to give just a weeks notice.

EleanorofCastile · 10/10/2016 19:03

We don't know your individual circumstances in terms of health issues this pregnancy, but on the face of it is not on that you asked him and presumably he agreed not to go, only to change this plan at very short notice without discussing and agreeing this. So YANBU if this is what you both agreed.

Did he think, having got to Thursday/Friday and you being well (if you were?) at that point, that there could be little risk involved in going? What did you actually discuss/agree beforehand? Did you discuss this again on Thursday? As others have said 34 weeks is very early for you to be going into labour. My DP went away for the weekend when I was 37 weeks but was only 3 hours away by car and drove/ didn't drink in the evening until we'd spoken and he'd confirmed there was no sign of anything happening and it was unlikely he'd be needed to drive back that night! I have had a straightforward pregnancy so far though.

Scarydinosaurs · 10/10/2016 19:04

I think you need to explain what you're worried about for us to be able to tell if YABU?

SeenYourArse · 10/10/2016 19:07

I know of an acquaintance that had her baby at 6 and a half months pregnant with no previous complications or early warning signs one day her labour just started quickly and strongly. They couldn't stop her labour and her DD was born very quickly,she is fine now but was obviously in hospital for a long time. You are totally YANBU especially considering you've had complications it's a question of priorities isn't it and he needs to take a good look at his...

SauvignonPlonker · 10/10/2016 19:12

I'd be pissed off, considering that:
(A) he is only just back
(B) he's only given 4 days notice
(C) you have already explained you would not be happy, previously.
(D) there is no plan B if you need help/support.

And speaking as someone who had a baby very unexpectedly at 29 weeks... it has to happen to someone. Statistically unlikely though.

Have you anyone who could come for the weekend to support you?

RB68 · 10/10/2016 19:13

The stage of pregnancy is irrelevant - she asked him not to, he basically ignored that so he didn't "let the lads down" so he has been clear where his priorities lie

He was the unreasonable one

Original poster

FlourishingMrs · 10/10/2016 19:18

He told me on Thursday night that he is going the next morning, he has just got back.

OP posts:

BastardGoDarkly · 10/10/2016 19:18

Well, he tried to cancel, but there's no one else so I'm guessing the team would be out of the tournament. I can understand him now wanting to go.

Unless as others have said, you're likely to ho into labour, I'd not row about it.

BastardGoDarkly · 10/10/2016 19:19

Oh, so he's been?

capricorn12 · 10/10/2016 19:20

Totally agree RB68. It's not just about the risk of an early labour it's about the lack of support and going back on what had been agreed. YANBU.

IzzyIsBusy · 10/10/2016 19:20

YABU and i think also missing bits from you OP.

You make it sound like ge only told you today.
How i read it is he told you a while ago but said if he cannot get a replacement he would have to go. His teams have said time is up no replacement found so he is going Friday.

You are 34 weeks. Is there a genuine possibility you will go in to early labour? And i mean genuine.
If not then you are over reacting. Its a couple of days you will still be pregnant when he comes home. He wont miss anything.

BackforGood · 10/10/2016 19:23

Another who thinks YABU in trying to ban him from going. It's unfortunate they couldn't find a replacement, but, it's not like you are 39 or 40 weeks. Why are you expecting to have to go into hospital ?
Personally I'd much prefer my dh to have been around more when the baby was here, than when I still had around 6 weeks of waiting.

raviolidreaming · 10/10/2016 19:25

What IzzyIsBusy said from me too.

she asked him not to, he basically ignored that so he didn't "let the lads down" so he has been clear where his priorities lie

As it sounds like he's in the team and proving to be irreplaceable, I think this is hugely unfair. We don't know what team, at what level, or how much the other players contribute in time or finances to be able to judge his priorities.

BummyMummy77 · 10/10/2016 19:26

Don't think you are being unreasonable at all op.

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