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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be be furious with DP for going on a long weekend,I am 34 weeks Pregnant

133 replies

FlourishingMrs · 10/10/2016 18:39

Ok DP is usually very good, loving and hands on. He is very sporty and goes away 4-4 of times a year for tornaments in Europe with his friends/team mates.

This October I was quite clear that as I am 34 weeks pregnant with not an easy pregnancy, he will really have to miss out on this trip but could still go skiing in Jan as baby will be born. I have a primary school DS who I cannot leave alone if I had to go to the hospital.anyway 11pm Thursday night he infirm me that the team have not found a replacement for him for he will be flying out Friday morning. He has only just got home today Monday.

He is in the kitchen making dinner as we speak, I am so furious with him. I don't want to split the family over this but I need ideas on how I make sure he understands that this behaviour is tottally off, unless of course I am being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 12/10/2016 05:35

I don't allow my OH to go anywhere that isn't essential and by essential I mean work related during any part of my pregnancies

Blimey, and you call the OP''s DP a fuckwit?! A bit rich coming from someone so controlling isn't it?!

Minisoksmakehardwork · 12/10/2016 06:33

Op, I think given he has been and come back, and you didn't have any issues while your dh was away, you will be hard pushed to get him to see what your worries and concerns were, so you do need to work out a way to move on from this.

However, given you've had a previous early delivery and there are concerns with this baby, you were not unreasonable to have given him ample notice that you didn't want him to go this time.

EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 08:09

Blimey, and you call the OP''s DP a fuckwit?! A bit rich coming from someone so controlling isn't it?! confused

Well you call it controlling, I call it having a healthy amount of respect for myself and being unequivocally steadfast in that which I will and will not tolerate in a relationship.

I'm a catch. There's conditions to being with me. If my OH doesn't like them, somebody else will and he knows that. So he toes the line.

I find that most men like to be put firmly in their place

BastardGoDarkly · 12/10/2016 17:08

Ellen he can't go anywhere except work during your entire pregnancies?! Yeah, you sound a right catch

Blueskyrain · 12/10/2016 17:19

Crikey Ellen, if you reversed the genders there, then you'd be called abusive.

Because most women like to be put firmly in their place right?
You like women to toe the line? Abide by the conditions you put in place?

I'm glad you think of yourself as a catch, given your level of controlling behaviour, I'm not sure its a good catch at all.

EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 17:59

No Bastard, he's not allowed to go away overnight during my pregnancies, I'm quite lenient otherwise.

As to whether you believe me to be a catch or not Blue, that's purely academic.
Fact remains, he does and conducts himself accordingly.

As I'm not interested in pursuing a sexual relationship with women, they're safe from the prospect of any line towing

FullTimeYummy · 12/10/2016 18:09

Ellen, i assumed you were taking the mickey, but if you're serious, it'll be interesting to see how much of a catch you continue to be as the years go by.

You seem to be suggesting a power imbalance in your favour is fine if you're "a catch".

Your stock will go down over time as your husband's will probably go up, and if you relationship is based on your being a catch, it'll be interesting to see how that plays out

BastardGoDarkly · 12/10/2016 18:11

I'm quite lenient otherwise your poor ds dh

EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 18:12

How misogynistic of you to apparently believe that I'm a catch primarily because of my appearance and therefore will supposedly see my 'stock' decline with the passing years.

If I didn't think you were quite so serious I'd pat you on the back for giving me a good old chuckle.

KERALA1 · 12/10/2016 18:14

Hmm had a surprise emergence of dd2 at 35 weeks despite textbook pregnancy so this would make me edgy...

EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 18:14

Bastard I don't have an H, D or otherwise.
My use of the acronym OH was entirely purposeful.

FullTimeYummy · 12/10/2016 18:27

LOLZ at Ellen

ICuntSeeYourPoint · 12/10/2016 18:35

OP, apart from this event, where are you normally on his list of priorities? Is he always there when you need him, or only when he has nothing better to do? I'd be keeping this in mind and reassessing whether he's still a committed loving husband, or whether he's just comfortable there until he gets a better offer.

BastardGoDarkly · 12/10/2016 18:36

So he's a bf not a h? So what?

EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 18:43

Well I can't have a 'poor DH' if I decided not to bother having an H in the first instance

And as for my 'poor DS' I rather hope he doesn't grow in to one of those fucktards so often causing heartache and the dissolution of families over on the relationships board.

He's got me for a mother which is eminently better than a mother who doesn't value herself enough to categorically state that which she will and will not tolerate in a relationship.

And stick to it.

Whitney168 · 12/10/2016 18:50

Regardless of the whether he should or shouldn't be going away (and given the info above, I'd say definitely not) - does anyone honestly believe he didn't intend to go all along anyway? I bet he always knew he was going, and just put it across last minute as an 'emergency'. Twat.

FullTimeYummy · 12/10/2016 18:51

And the male role model in his life is a bullied drone who exists to please? Sounds great

EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 18:53

Yep Fulltime because any man who complies with the wishes of a woman whom they love is necessarily a bullied drone

I don't bully.

I don't have to.

FullTimeYummy · 12/10/2016 18:54

Stop it Ellen, you're killing me

MistresssIggi · 12/10/2016 18:58

I think Ellen is describing what it's like to have a healthy respect for yourself. Something we women are so unused to we can hardly recognise.

EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 18:58

Don't like my opinion that's fine, nobody's 'bullying' you in to taking a leaf out of my book.

I assume you're happy with the norms of your relationship and I'm similarly pleased with mine.

FullTimeYummy · 12/10/2016 19:03

Ellen, this is truly fascinating. What's your advice for the women out there who are less of a catch than you? There must be one or two of them out there.

Should they be more lenient that you, or the same? Or less?

EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 19:13

I'd firstly want to know why they didn't consider themselves to be a catch.

Why wouldn't they believe that their OH is fortunate to be in a relationship with them?
What makes them afraid to assert that which they find unacceptable?

What is behind their lack of positive self regard?

Nobody should be lenient with a partner who is disrespectful of their wishes.

Life is far too short and there are far too many people in it for that shite.

FullTimeYummy · 12/10/2016 19:16

[struggles for breath]

right i'm out, but thanks for the laughs

EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 19:19

< shrugs again >

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