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AIBU?

AIBU to be be furious with DP for going on a long weekend,I am 34 weeks Pregnant

133 replies

FlourishingMrs · 10/10/2016 18:39

Ok DP is usually very good, loving and hands on. He is very sporty and goes away 4-4 of times a year for tornaments in Europe with his friends/team mates.

This October I was quite clear that as I am 34 weeks pregnant with not an easy pregnancy, he will really have to miss out on this trip but could still go skiing in Jan as baby will be born. I have a primary school DS who I cannot leave alone if I had to go to the hospital.anyway 11pm Thursday night he infirm me that the team have not found a replacement for him for he will be flying out Friday morning. He has only just got home today Monday.

He is in the kitchen making dinner as we speak, I am so furious with him. I don't want to split the family over this but I need ideas on how I make sure he understands that this behaviour is tottally off, unless of course I am being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Report

FlourishingMrs · 15/10/2016 23:07

Thank you for your comments but at this point in our lives I will not be splitting our family apart, like I said he is fabulous most of the time. If he does it again then he doesn't value us and I will deal with the issue accordingly.

Thank you again for your time.

OP posts:

ptumbi · 15/10/2016 10:12

What's the saying - 'it's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission'??

He's set a precedent, OP. What happens if he does do it again - this time leaving you with a tiny baby and small child?

KERALA1 · 15/10/2016 09:56

Harsh demonstration of where you fit in his priorities.

We went overseas partly so Dh could do a particular sporting event. I developed painful toothache the night before it and had to have emergency treatment - he spoke language I didn't. Told him to go ahead but he laughed and said I was mad. Missed his race, sorted my tooth, never mentioned it.

Drbint · 14/10/2016 22:32

He has profusely apologised, he has assured me there will be no next time.

Well yeah, now he's got his own way without facing your anger beforehand. Apologising after he did what he wanted will cost him nothing. It's meaningless.

My DH is super-sporty and whilst I'm laidback about being pregnant, if I asked him not to go, he wouldn't. Because I wouldn't ask unless I really felt I needed him, and he wouldn't dismiss that.

If I'd been to hospital twice, he wouldn't consider going at all.

FlourishingMrs · 14/10/2016 22:07

Thank you everyone for your advice and input. For what's it's worth he thinks I was not unreasonable in my fury.

He has profusely apologised, he has assured me there will be no next time. I am still mad with him but I have a job, a DC to raise and one on the way, I have no time to be dwelling on his poor judgment. He is normally very loving and considerate so maybe I should forgive. But thank you everyone

OP posts:

Careforadrink · 12/10/2016 21:28

Yanbu.

He's a dick. I'd be furious.

AnnieOnnieMouse · 12/10/2016 20:32

The OH is being a dick.
Of course the team would have been able to replace him. What if he'd been unable to go because of his own illness or injury? They'd have had to find a sub then.
After I'd had some tragic pregnancies, and emergency admissions at all stages of pregnancy, DH himself refused to be away overnight, even for work.
Priorities.

EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 19:22

Fwiw Iggi it seems you weren't far off the mark.
I take no pleasure in your opinion being vindicated either.

I think it's really quite unfortunate, but what can you do?

EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 19:19

< shrugs again >

FullTimeYummy · 12/10/2016 19:16

[struggles for breath]

right i'm out, but thanks for the laughs

EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 19:13

I'd firstly want to know why they didn't consider themselves to be a catch.

Why wouldn't they believe that their OH is fortunate to be in a relationship with them?
What makes them afraid to assert that which they find unacceptable?

What is behind their lack of positive self regard?

Nobody should be lenient with a partner who is disrespectful of their wishes.

Life is far too short and there are far too many people in it for that shite.

FullTimeYummy · 12/10/2016 19:03

Ellen, this is truly fascinating. What's your advice for the women out there who are less of a catch than you? There must be one or two of them out there.

Should they be more lenient that you, or the same? Or less?

EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 18:58

Don't like my opinion that's fine, nobody's 'bullying' you in to taking a leaf out of my book.

I assume you're happy with the norms of your relationship and I'm similarly pleased with mine.

MistresssIggi · 12/10/2016 18:58

I think Ellen is describing what it's like to have a healthy respect for yourself. Something we women are so unused to we can hardly recognise.

FullTimeYummy · 12/10/2016 18:54

Stop it Ellen, you're killing me

EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 18:53

Yep Fulltime because any man who complies with the wishes of a woman whom they love is necessarily a bullied drone

I don't bully.

I don't have to.

FullTimeYummy · 12/10/2016 18:51

And the male role model in his life is a bullied drone who exists to please? Sounds great

Whitney168 · 12/10/2016 18:50

Regardless of the whether he should or shouldn't be going away (and given the info above, I'd say definitely not) - does anyone honestly believe he didn't intend to go all along anyway? I bet he always knew he was going, and just put it across last minute as an 'emergency'. Twat.

EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 18:43

Well I can't have a 'poor DH' if I decided not to bother having an H in the first instance

And as for my 'poor DS' I rather hope he doesn't grow in to one of those fucktards so often causing heartache and the dissolution of families over on the relationships board.

He's got me for a mother which is eminently better than a mother who doesn't value herself enough to categorically state that which she will and will not tolerate in a relationship.

And stick to it.

BastardGoDarkly · 12/10/2016 18:36

So he's a bf not a h? So what?

ICuntSeeYourPoint · 12/10/2016 18:35

OP, apart from this event, where are you normally on his list of priorities? Is he always there when you need him, or only when he has nothing better to do? I'd be keeping this in mind and reassessing whether he's still a committed loving husband, or whether he's just comfortable there until he gets a better offer.

FullTimeYummy · 12/10/2016 18:27

LOLZ at Ellen

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EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 18:14

Bastard I don't have an H, D or otherwise.
My use of the acronym OH was entirely purposeful.

KERALA1 · 12/10/2016 18:14

Hmm had a surprise emergence of dd2 at 35 weeks despite textbook pregnancy so this would make me edgy...

EllenDegenerate · 12/10/2016 18:12

How misogynistic of you to apparently believe that I'm a catch primarily because of my appearance and therefore will supposedly see my 'stock' decline with the passing years.

If I didn't think you were quite so serious I'd pat you on the back for giving me a good old chuckle.

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