AIBU to be be furious with DP for going on a long weekend,I am 34 weeks Pregnant

[FlourishingMrs]

Ok DP is usually very good, loving and hands on. He is very sporty and goes away 4-4 of times a year for tornaments in Europe with his friends/team mates.

This October I was quite clear that as I am 34 weeks pregnant with not an easy pregnancy, he will really have to miss out on this trip but could still go skiing in Jan as baby will be born. I have a primary school DS who I cannot leave alone if I had to go to the hospital.anyway 11pm Thursday night he infirm me that the team have not found a replacement for him for he will be flying out Friday morning. He has only just got home today Monday.

He is in the kitchen making dinner as we speak, I am so furious with him. I don't want to split the family over this but I need ideas on how I make sure he understands that this behaviour is tottally off, unless of course I am being unreasonable?

My husband does not tell me he is going away for 4 days.

Exactly! One parent does not tell another parent they are going away. They asks if it is ok if they goes away.

They ask, not they asks. My inner Gollum coming out.

I'm with Izzy on this one I'm afraid. With such short notice, I can see why the IP would be miffed, but the chances of anything happening were low, and it was all fine in the end.

YANBU. I would be furious. I had to have lots of extra scans (small baby)but not the same risks as you and there is no way dp would have wanted to be away. How are things now? Frosty I'm guessing.

Let's say when a replacement couldn't be found he had told the team that he still couldn't do it.

What would the consequences have been for him, the other team members and their families?

You're being suspiciously short on details there.

You wanted to put everybody concerned out in order to suit you. Maybe that was reasonable, maybe it was unreasonable, but with only half a story, nobody here can make an informed judgement.

Let's say when a replacement couldn't be found he had told the team that he still couldn't do it

Then tough shit. His wife and and current pregnancy should be priority. Why should she factor below a bloody hobby.

What would the consequences have been for him, the other team members and their families?

So the op not only has to put herself behind a fucking team of men playing s hobby - she now has to get behind their families wtf?

You wanted to put everybody concerned out in order to suit you. Maybe that was reasonable, maybe it was unreasonable, but with only half a story, nobody here can make an informed judgement

Or maybe she wasn't being an arse hole just worried, concerned, anxious all the things that come with a pregnancy that has had issues and wants her husband to be around and supportive??

And I thought Catholic martyrism was only reserved for my 84 year old granny.

Junglebells

What a load of assumed, biased and narrow-minded nonsense. Hang your head in shame.

Pot kettle black fulltime

No head hanging in shame here either - just empathy for another woman. Maybe you should learn some yourself...

Jingle: You are empathising with a situation you have invented in your mind. We don't know what the circumstances are and shouldn't invent some to suit our own "urgh, men on a jolly boys outing" agenda.

There simply isn't enough information to make an accurate judgement as to whether or not the OP IBU, so you've filled the gaping hole in yourself and then passed comment on that situation instead.

Bizarre

ive invented nothing I'm just going off what op has told us. There is quite a bit of infomation if you read the thread..... ^^

What's bizzare is your accusing me of the very thing your doing.

You sound like a really lovely gal!

Don't be bitter, you might be right about the OP yet

Ah now it all makes sense Full. I think your the one that's biased and has an agenda , no?

Have a good evening.

I felt a little nervous when my DH went away on a long planned and agreed to ten day fishing trip when I was 34 weeks pregnant - and I had a fairly easy pregnancy and no other children to think of.

To be told last minute, oh hey, I've decided I'm swanning off in the morning for a few days... never mind that you'll be alone with a young child and are having a complicated pregnancy and gave birth early last time...

YANBU OP. I would have gone full banshee at him. Self-centered twat.

Jingle, I reserved judgement until in possession of the full facts, you did not.

Not only did you jump to a conclusion (YANBU), but you criticised me for not jumping to your conclusion with you.

I struggle to believe you don't get that?

Anyway, it seems you've retired to the solace of la-la plugs for the evening, quelle surprise

My DP went for a weekend away (with my blessing) when I was 36 weeks, he then had to get a flight home as I was in labour with DD.
I wasn't pissed off with him, but I would have hated him to go away for a weekend when the baby was a few weeks old! It was a lot easier to manage before/during the birth than with a newborn!

OP, YANBU to be steaming

It doesn't matter what other posters would have been happy with, it matters that you asked him not to go and he ignored you.

He has a LOT of making up to do. Utterly selfish cock.

YANBU at all OP.

I don't allow my OH to go anywhere that isn't essential and by essential I mean work related during any part of my pregnancies.

He sounds like an entitled little fuckwit.

I'd be well pissed off with the last minute thing but I'd prefer DH to go at 34 weeks than when baby few weeks old - no way!!!

YANBU. He just thrust unexpected extra work on you without your input, or even caring what you had to say about it. He's not just taking off while you get the house to yourself to relax. Being solely responsible for the children isn't fair when you told him you didn't want him to go already.

I can guarantee that if you suddenly threw a weekend project on him 4 days in advance when he thought would be able to take it relatively easy with you, or he wasn't planning on it, he'd throw a fit. Especially if it was so you could just go out and have some fun.

That said, my husband still went out with friends when I was pregnant, but he was always a phone call away just in case. Even at work, he let his coworkers know from 32 weeks on, he would drop everything and leave as soon as he got the phone call that it was baby day, whether workers were on a break or not.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that if your husband has frequently taken your feelings into account and gives you the support you need, you would not be so livid. It's probably a pattern of him dropping the ball on you.

I don't allow my OH to go anywhere that isn't essential and by essential I mean work related during any part of my pregnancies. He sounds like an entitled little fuckwit

And you sound like an extremely controllling partner. "I don't allow" - crikey! If a man said that he didn't allow his partner to do something, then there'd be hell to pay.

Ask not to, be upset by, fine, but not allow

He obviously knew long before the day before that he'd have to go so HE was utterly unreasonable and sounds like a case of "ask for forgiveness, not permission" because he thinks you'll just get over it now because nothing bad happened while he was gone so "what's the point in getting so upset about it".

The point being of course, he prioritised his trip over your safety and well being when he's had ample time to find a replacement.

Maybe he didn't say anything until 12 hours before so he'd have some idea as to how you'd be. As you seemed fine he decided to go, if you had been in hospital or in labour he wouldn't have gone. Is this his first child? There was something about your OP which made me think your older child is not his.