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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

A minor celeb came on to me inappropriately should I report?

382 replies

Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 14:40

Got a bit of a dilemma.

After watching the jammy Saville doc last week I remembered that earlier this year a current v minor TV presenter several times touched my leg at a charity dinner. It was in a busy room and I was too shocked/confused to ask him to stop! I had only just met him and was three months pregnant so wasn't flirting and I believe his behaviour was sleazy if not predatory.

This person has already been reprimanded for inappropriate behaviour at work in the past so I believe he has form.

My question is, should I tell his employer even though he wasn't attending in a work capacity? Or should I just email him and say that I am on to him?

I don't want a fuss by the way and it was possible that he was just being "friendly" Hmm but it occurred to me that Saville got away so long because of women minimising incidents like this one.

OP posts:
GazingAtStars · 09/10/2016 14:42

Would you report him if he wasn't a minor celebrity?

Undersmile · 09/10/2016 14:44

You were over the age of majority? (Pregnant)
Savile attacked children.
World of difference.
Unwanted attention is not abuse.
If this person was not 'on duty' then whom would you report them to?
If they had been leching at a child, that's a different matter.

Undersmile · 09/10/2016 14:45

Or, of course, if they'd been in a position of authority and you were a subordinate.

Sparklesilverglitter · 09/10/2016 14:46

Forget about him being a celebrity for a minute Would you report any man for touching your leg?

If a man touched my leg and I didn't want him too, I wouldn't report that NO but I'd certainly tell him to get off my leg and how I felt it was inappropriate

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 14:47

I don't know. If he was a random guy at a party probably not. If it was in a work capacity I would be more likely.

My instinct is to email him and tell him that his behaviour was not on particularly as he has a reputation for coming on to junior colleagues who might be less able to speak up.

OP posts:
monkeywithacowface · 09/10/2016 14:48

Not sure what his celebrity status has to do with it? But unwanted physical attention is unacceptable whoever you are. Not sure what you could do about it now though?

Lweji · 09/10/2016 14:48

Did he just touch lightly or put his hand on your leg?
Was all this under the table or in full view?

I don't think you should report him to his employer I'd this event had nothing to do with work.
Instead, if it was intentional, then you could make a formal complaint to the police.

Hotandcold46 · 09/10/2016 14:50

Savile abused mainly children so please don't compare the two situations there is a world of diffrence

As an adult women if a man touched my leg and I wasn't flirting and didn't like him touching me I would tell him to remove his hand and that I didn't feel the behaviour was appropriate ( I've done this once of twice at work conferences) would I report No I wouldn't

WorraLiberty · 09/10/2016 14:50

We're all different but if I didn't want someone to touch my leg, I would have told them to stop touching my leg.

No, don't email him, that's a silly idea.

Either report to someone senior or leave it, as you would with anyone else.

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 14:50

I am annoyed at not saying anything at the time.

OP posts:
deathandtaxes123 · 09/10/2016 14:50

What is your proof?

BaldBaby1970 · 09/10/2016 14:51

A drunk Children's TV actor (CBeebies show) told my sister he'd "love to nail her". Gross, sleazy, vulgar but not to be compared to Savile. My sister, being an adult, sent him packing, which is what you should have done.

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 14:52

He was doing it under the table.

OP posts:
loobyloo1234 · 09/10/2016 14:52

FFS if he wasn't a minor celeb, you wouldnt have posted this

If we all reported every male/female that had touched us up over the years, courts would be full up

A man pinched my arse last night on a night out ... maybe I'll go and report him to the police Hmm

PS Jimmy Saville was a paedophile. Big difference

WorraLiberty · 09/10/2016 14:53

Also, you could get yourself in very deep water, accusing him of doing something that I presume had no witnesses to?

Plus you run the risk of coming across as quite mad, considering that this happened earlier in the year and you're only just emailing him now Confused

Coffeegivemecoffee · 09/10/2016 14:53

Please don't compare to savile. There is a whole world of diffrence

I don't see what him being a celeb has to do with anything. Either you would report any man that touched your leg or you wouldn't ?

For me no I wouldn't report. As it is something I would of dealt with myself by telling him to remove his hand from my leg as I didn't care for him touching me!

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 09/10/2016 14:55

I think it's too long after the event for a minor thing. You have to deal with at the time, but it's not easy, I know that. BTDT got the fucking t-shirt, as I expect most of us have been.

danTDM · 09/10/2016 14:55

Hmm how ridiculous you sound

Original poster
Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 14:58

I think it is easy to say that you would have told him to stop there and then. I am normally quite assertive but as I say something made me too embarrassed to say something at the time. It was his blatant disregard for convention.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iggypoppie · 09/10/2016 15:01

There's no need to be nasty Dan ffs

OP posts:
LittleDittyAbout · 09/10/2016 15:01

Hold on, the OP didn't do anything wrong here. She knows he has a history of making unwanted sexual advances and wonders if it might be helpful to report it in case others need support. She's not "ridiculous".

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/10/2016 15:02

and his 'celeb' status, presumably. That's why you've posted. You are/were an adult and I think you've got somehow caught up in the Saville business thinking that this is the same - it isn't.

I had a councillor's hand on my leg at an industry dinner. I pushed it off and told him to pack it in. No drama.

Floggingmolly · 09/10/2016 15:03

You didn't say a single word during any of the incidents, due to being "confused"... Be that as it may; but why in the name of God would you consider emailing him after the event??

It sounds absolutely nuts.

HereIAm20 · 09/10/2016 15:06

Have you been watching too much National Treasure?

Undersmile · 09/10/2016 15:08

I understand what it feels like - it's happened to me when I was younger, and afterwards i was angry with myself for not speaking out at the time.
I felt powerless to do so.
I think we raise girls to be good, nice, quite people, to not make a fuss, anf put up with far more than boys/men would.
I don't think you can do anything now after the event.
Please make sure you educate your children, nieces, goddaughter etc to not accept this happening to them.
Flowers